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How can I learn to control my anger

01:00 Mon 04th Jun 2001 |

asks PDTV:
A.
All kinds of rage are on the increase: we have road rage, trolley rage, computer rage - not to mention hitting-back-when-you-get-an-egg-in-the-face rage. Our tolerance levels have never been so low.

Q. Why
A.
Expert opinions vary: some blame our higher expectations; others point to the work hard/play hard ethic, which makes us demand instant gratification; and some believe it's learned behaviour from childhood where it got us the results we were after.

Q. Does everyone get angry
A.
Yes. Anger doesn't have to mean tantrum-throwing or violence. It can be conveyed through eye contact (looking daggers) or by the tone of your voice.

Q. Are some people more likely to get angry
A.
Yes. People who aren't good with words and can't explain how they feel will sometimes lash out instead. And, strangely enough, people who aren't assertive: they get angry precisely because they can't be assertive.

Q. What effect is this anger having on us
A.
Everyone gets angry sometimes, and occasional bursts of anger can be a healthy way of expressing frustration. But feeling angry all the time is harmful. Your body is programmed to deal with short bursts of adrenaline, but simmering anger means it's there all the time, and long-term affects can include high blood pressure, migraines, ulcers, depression, IBS, strokes and heart disease. It can also destroy relationships and careers, and saps the confidence of everyone involved.

Q. I've heard about anger management - how does that work
A.
It's a bit of a buzzword, but it means what it says: learning to manage anger. It started in the US, but is now popular here - many prisons hold regular anger management sessions. There are all kinds of workshops and courses to help you do this - see the British Association of Anger Management website for more information. Or you can follow some self-help tips.

Q. Such as...
A.
Well, there's a tiny moment between the point where you begin to feel angry and the point where you show your anger. The trick is to extend that moment to give yourself time to cool down.

Q. How can I do that
A.
Take a deep breath instead of shallow ones, sit down if you are standing, smile politely, try to see the bigger picture and remind yourself that getting angry will just make things worse.

Q. Then what
A.
State your problem and keep talking about it. The more you go over it, the less emotional you'll feel about it. Stay assertive. Treating the other person with some respect will also help you stay rational.

Do you have a tip on controlling anger Post it here


By Sheena Miller

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