Funny hospital tales

[Caran]

Have you got one?
A few years ago I was in cubicles waiting for transfer to a ward when I heard a voice call out, "Nurse I need help, I am on the commode and I can't "go", when I am at home I have to put my finger up my bum and wiggle it about, but being on the commode I can't reach, will you do it for me please?"
I heard mutterings about job description acts.

[Mamyalynne]

I can laugh now, but at the time...hearing a senior sister yell down the phone 'Can I have a team in here this lady has no pulse' - did rather make me startled. I informed her I was still there !

[Caran]

Mamya I think that would have disturbed me too!

[tinkerbell23]

Where do i begin!!!!!! Lol x

[Caran]

Tinks do tell!

[potatomash]

I went to visit my cousins newborn baby in hospital last week. I was so excited to meet him. I walked into the room she was in and there she was lying on the bed with the baby wrapped in a blanket. I walked towards the baby to see him and wrapped up in the blanket was a winnie the pooh teddy. I got the fright of my life! At first I thought the baby had yellow hair or was born a simpson until I clicked on it was a teddy :p

[Answerprancer]

When a friend of mine was a trainee radiographer, a vicar was admitted for an x-ray as he had a 'foreign object' stuck up his urethra (it turned out to be the insides of a biro). It was a delicate matter in many senses of the term not made much better when someone popped their head round the door and asked "has anyone seen my pen?"

[tinkerbell23]

Lol...i thnk i have so many im struggling to pick just the one honestly!!

The questions you get asked ...the sights you see....

Exactly why i love what i do....and im right at the bottom of the foodchain...just a beginner LOL!!! X

[tinkerbell23]

Ap....similar one a collegue trying to help someone up the bed a bit, said ok dig your heels in & help us....

Patient replies i havent f$%#*g got any......whoops!!! She forgot !X

[Caran]

Another time, after a giny? type op I needed a wee, struggled to get out of bed and get across the ward I collapsed with pain on the floor, an orderly walked towards me, actually stepped over me and said " I told you it would hurt" and walked down the ward. I can still see that evil bitch's face to this day.

[zebo]

I visited a friend and her new baby in a military hospital in Germany. She said "watch him" inicating the husband of the woman in the bed opposite. He picked up the new born with such terror on his face, his hands were shaking and he had to sit down, still shaking. "He's a bomb disposal officer!" my frined told me.

[gness]

OH was in hospital and Don, our neighbour visited. OH was asleep so Don left a jokey note.
Darling MrG. Didn`t want to wake you. Do you know you look lovely when you are sleeping.
Love Don xxx
The nosy old guy in the bed opposite read it and demanded a move to another ward because he couldn`t sleep safely with the "likes of him" nearby.

[tinkerbell23]

Lol @gness!!

Caran thats horrible...alas, ive worked with similar folk!!

Me? Im the one who does the makeup, the hair, the perfume...woman only unless requested haha!!

I really have been bent double laughing sometimes- the public can be amazing to work with. They call me tinkerbell alot.

I have been told i wear too much blusher aswell....next day i went in and the woman had been up early to do her war paint....like coco the clown..extra blusher....i think just to show me the oldies have still "got it" hehe xx

[parkie]

Last time I was in hospital two other men in the same ward, an Irishman and a Scotsman, (no this is not one of those jokes), both had hernia ops with epidurals.
Not long after they got back from the 'theatres the Irishman decided he wanted to go to the toilet. He felt so good, he said, and could feel no pain he was going to walk to the toilet himself.
We tried to warn him not to try and walk as the epidural was still working but he ignored us, swung his legs out of bed, went to stand up and collapsed in a heap on the floor.
We were all laughing so much we could hardly press the buzzer for the nurse.

[tinkerbell23]

Men!! Lol....just kidding x

[firewatch]

Sat in a+e a good few years ago when i lived in Minehead, holiday season in full swing im sat there and all i can hear is a mother going 'you did it again, every year the same you see the water slides and we end up here!' She wasnt talking to her kids-she was talking to her husband,to make her day worse the sister recognised her from the previous year and said 'back again?'

[lady-janine]

lol at this thread. caran - that was awful. poor you.

my worst was being in hospital for delivery of child no. 1. not an easy time. i can remember the doc saying "good heavens the baby still alive . . . is the mother?." could only think my baby is fine.

[firewatch]

just remembered one from my husbands fire fighting career. There at the scene of an rtc and some bright spark finds an empt oxygen tank and shouts we got a dead one! Not so funny at the time but it is looking back.

[Dee Sa]

visiting hubby in hospital they brought a poor man in who was very disorientated and confused put the screens round him and started asking him questions "do you know what day it is?" and the know-all in the next bed answered "its Sunday" do you know where you are - know-all answered KG hospital and every question they asked the poor man his next door neighbour obliged with the answer and in the end the doctor had to go and tell him to shut up and know- all was most put out -he said I knew he was confused and was trying to help him out !

[gness]

Not funny at the time but......OH was very seriously ill and not eating. They inserted a feeding tube through his nose with great difficulty and many attempts.
Later in the day he complained that the sleeves on his PJs were tight because his arms were swelling so I decided to cutoff the sleeves. First one was fine but I struggled with the second. There was a tough bit which I thought was the seam. I gave it my all and did it! Yes. I had cut through his feeding tube! Was I popular.

[Kiki-frog]

My sister was a receptionist in an A&E department, and although generally a very tough job, they occasionally had some very bizarre cases to lighten up their day. Like the RTA where several victims were brought in, but one of them, the driver of a car, had been pulled out of the wreckage with his trousers round his ankles and a Heinz salad cream bottle on his willy.

I mean.... why would anyone?