please dont judge but opinions please

[littlemissx]

i am engaged to a really lovely guy who would do anything for me and loves me to bits. last weekend i went away for a girly weekend to cheer her up a bit and met a guy whom if i was single would be my ideal match. nothing happened but we swapped numbers. he has been texting me ever since.

you know when you are growing up you have this dream of your ideal man... well he is all i dreamt of.

he has asked to meet again but i dont know what to do... obviously i would take things no further with this guy whilst with my partner but does this mean that i am maybe not so much as in love with him than i thought???

[Hamish]

Been married 11 yrs from time I've met people who I have wondered - what if. I have never acted on it - I love my wife - but I can understand the temptation.....as the others have said you dont really know this guy. I know youre not married yet, but this could really damage your boy friend. It happened to my wife before I met her.

[liquidspace]

These situations are always difficult . Its sometimes hard to trust your own feelings, or know which path to take in life. You have to make a decision and stick with it, You are at a crossroadsand whatever decision you make now has an impact.

If it were me, I would maybe see this guy again, find out more about him, see if you really 'click', that's if you can live with the deceit from your fiance not knowing. Only you know how you actually feel about your fiancee.

Good luck and let us know what you decide to do.

[metagirl]

grass is always greener, but you are only 21 and remember marriage is (supposed to be) for life! If this new person has affected you, I would put my engagement on hold and I know this sounds terrible, but I would not necessarily tell my fiance either.

If you have doubts - DONT DO IT. ending a marriage is alot more difficult than delaying or ending an engagement.

good luck!

[littlemissx]

ok what i think i may do is meet the other guy for a drink... he doesnt live near me so my partner finding out isnt a problem. i wont let it go any further. i will see how things go then if things do go well i will tell the new guy my position and tell him i am confused and need to think things through. if this is the case i will speak to my new partner and see how i feel after all that.

[laurence2]

I reckon you should'nt be in ANY relationship at the moment let alone being engaged, an engagement is a commitment.

You ''DON'T'' give your mobile number to another guy unless you have serious doubts about your current boyfriend, i feel sorry for your fella as you have portrait him as a lovely guy and yet you are doing this behind his back, either tell him or do the decent thing and leave him, as the only one getting hurt here is your boyfriend, and another question, how is he the '' MAN OF YOUR DREAMS'' when you only chatted to him at the bar {briefly i assume}.

I think at 21 you see this fella {maybe goodlooking} and compared him looks wise to your current boyfriend, which if true is shallow minded, you are playing a dangerous game with the txting, and my betting is you WILL get caught out by your boyfriend, and he'll dump you, if you want to PLAY AROUND well stay single {no commitments} you owe that much to your current bf

[littlemissx]

Laurence i think you are being pretty unfair.

you are judging me due to my age.

i didnt even think about whether this guy was good looking or not... it was the conversation that got me interested. he works in a profession similair to mine, i work for the mental health. he was telling me about his family, and basically his life.

now he was probably nothing extrordinary to most people but to me he just shined.he had a similair backround to me, obviously has a caring side due to the nature of his job and we sat talking for 4 hours!! it wasnt just a 10 min stand at teh bar sort of meeting!!

[laurence2]

Your missing the point littlemiss,

You gave him your mobile number, can you not see how wrong that is?

[littlemissx]

yes i do see your point... hence the reason i am questioning all this myself.

i actually gave my number so as we could stay friends. myself and my partner both have friends of the opposite sex and regularily meet with them.

it wasnt until he suggested meeting for a drink and i had butterflys in my stomach that i realised actually how much i was growing to like this guy.

[laurence2]

people you fancy are NOT FRIENDS end of storey, i,m not being harsh, its just that you don't seem ready to be in a relationship yet.

What if in a couple of months you go away for another weekend and meet '' THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS'' again ?

Your not ready for long term commitment, its as simple as that.

[littlemissx]

i dint realise initially that i fancied him laurence.

but i agree with you on that point completely, people you fancy cant stay friends.

i have been away on plenty of weekends and never been like this before so its not as though i fall in love wth every an i meet i can assure you.

[laurence2]

i wasen't insinuating that you fancied every Tom, Dick and harry.

You admit that you have butterflys by him asking you out for a drink, how is this affecting your relationship at the moment, ie are you acting as if all is normal with your current bf.

What has this fella got what your present boyfriend hasen't ?

[littlemissx]

i'm afraid i cant help the way i felt when he asked me... i dont have any more control over my feelings than anyone else.

my partner is on lates for two weeks so i actually havent seen him, he goes to work as i finish and is asleep wheni head out to work.

i do love my partner to bits, i guess what i am questioning is am i "in love" with him??

maybe when i see him it will put all my doubts at rest and i will realise that yes i am in love with him and yes i'm just being silly.

this guy has nothing that my partner doesnt have, we just clicked, laughed, joked, even had serious conversations.

i think with my partner it wasnt a case of love at first site it was a case of growing to love him.

he has messed me around in the past and although i would never throw that up at him again as we agreed to leave the past in the past maybe deep down i still feel hurt.

like i have said all along nothing will happen with this guy whilst i am with my partner!!

[laurence2]

Well i hope whatever the future lies for you littlemiss, i hope you find happyness, you sound very mature.

I,m sorry that your bf messed you around and to a certain degree it would be understandable to seek revenge, be it two wrongs don't make a right, your the one ultimately who knows what path is best for you, i,m sorry if you found me argumentative etc in my post, i did,nt mean to be, i don't like to see anyone get hurt even if i don't know them.

Best of luck to you whatever lies ahead

[littlemissx]

oh no laurence i appreciate your replies...

its not revenge i want though. like i say i do love my partner i am just questioning if i am "in love" with him. i would never wish to hurt him or anyone for that matter.

thanks again though for your advice.

[Rubyrose]

This is very tricky because if you really like him but don't know him too well then you need to test the waters but its not really fair to test the waters whilst you are with you fianc� and then if the waters are murky, go running back to him and forget about this mystery guy!

Its very true that 'you don't know what you've got until its gone' but also 'you don't know what you've been missing until it arrives'!

I'd meet him... what harm would one innocent drink do? But ONE and only ONE.... and then after that... you will need to decide!