I Used To
I used to have an unusually strong appreciation for wordplay, but that was once a pun a time.
An Indian man has taken to running round my hometown recently, fighting crime and jumping from building to building. He calls himself Batnaan.
I saw a toadstool begging in the street today. He had a sign next to him that read: ‘Gnomeless, please help.’
I work for the NHS dealing with moving patients between different areas of the hospital. It is a rewarding job.
My sister fell for the worst snake scam ever, Anna conned her.
I had my house inspected by a feng shui expert. She told me that the whole house was fine, apart from the room at the top of the house in the loft. I think it might be a little problem attic.
After a kid added me on Facebook, I thought: “How can a goat use a computer?”
It has always been an ambition of mine to steal from a plumber so today I took the plunge.
My partner said he’s got no alternative but to leave me because of my obsession with spheres. I said, “Surely there’s some way around this?”
I bet the wife that she couldn’t make herself some underwear out of sweets. Fair play though, she has worked out a way to do it, Smartie pants.