Submitted

[marval]

I have submitted a quote to completely refurbish Gracelands. I don’t know if I will win the contract but they did love me tender
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I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall. Then I thought, screw it.

I have invented an anti-gravity device that allows the tip of a snooker cue to hover at any height above the table. The rest is history.

I hate my addiction to silky materials, it is really ruining my social life. Satin all last weekend.

The inventor of the ATM has died at the age of 84.His family are said to be feeling withdrawn.

Someone is having a BBQ 1760 yards from me, I can smell it a mile off.

I have done many different jobs in my time. After dinner speaker, postman, midwife. I got sacked from all of them. Maybe I need to accept that I am just no good at delivering things.

If you see a vicar walking around covered in Bolognese, don’t worry; it is just the local pastor.

[maggiebee]

Love them - especially the BBQ one, very clever.

[Patsy33]

Lol, good collection there, Marval!

[zebo]

Did Gracelands not have suspicious minds then?