Offers & Competitions0 min ago
Dog Diary / Cat Diary
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A brief excerpt from an alternative cat diary (based upon the life of my feline boss, Chequers):
0300: Having finished checking my territory for the moment, I charge through the cat flap at 100mph (guaranteeing that I'll wake The Human if he's asleep). I find him lying prostrate and glaring at me. I miaow to be fed by him. (This is despite the fact that there are two different types of food already available. It's not 'food' which actually interests me; it's just 'being fed' - It's a 'power' thing!)
0305: The Human gets up and puts extra food in my bowl. I sniff it and then ignore it.
0310: The Human seems to be trying to get to sleep, so I jump on him and curl up in a pretence of sleeping myself. He strokes me for a bit, having fallen for my trick.
0320: The Human seems to have fallen asleep, so I immediately jump off him with a kangaroo-like kick, ensuring that he wakes up, before going out to check my territory once again.
0330: Encounter another male cat infringing upon my territory, so I spend the next half hour yelling at him (and also ensuring that The Human won't get any sleep).
0400: Engage in brief, but noisy, skirmish with the aforementioned male rival.
0410: Catch mouse, charge through cat flap to show it to The Human!
0415: Mouse not yet dead, so spend 15 minutes playing with it, while growling to show that it's mine (thus keeping The Human awake).
0430: Partially eat now-deceased mouse and decide where to leave the rest of it so that, when The Human wakes, he'll put his foot on it.
0435: Miaow to be fed again. The Human feeds me again. Sniff and ignore food again.
0440: Repeat my trick of pretending to sleep with The Human, and then kicking him, before re-checking my territory.
0500: I've caught a bird! I've definitely got to show this to The Human!
0505: Blast! I've let the bird slip out of my jaws as I came through the cat flap and now it's flying around the living room, screaming in fear as I try to chase it. The Human doesn't seem to be very pleased.
0520: Double blast! The Human has got to the bird before me and let it escape :(
0530: Ruddy 'eck! Is it really almost an hour since I miaowed to be fed? Immediate action is required!
0300: Having finished checking my territory for the moment, I charge through the cat flap at 100mph (guaranteeing that I'll wake The Human if he's asleep). I find him lying prostrate and glaring at me. I miaow to be fed by him. (This is despite the fact that there are two different types of food already available. It's not 'food' which actually interests me; it's just 'being fed' - It's a 'power' thing!)
0305: The Human gets up and puts extra food in my bowl. I sniff it and then ignore it.
0310: The Human seems to be trying to get to sleep, so I jump on him and curl up in a pretence of sleeping myself. He strokes me for a bit, having fallen for my trick.
0320: The Human seems to have fallen asleep, so I immediately jump off him with a kangaroo-like kick, ensuring that he wakes up, before going out to check my territory once again.
0330: Encounter another male cat infringing upon my territory, so I spend the next half hour yelling at him (and also ensuring that The Human won't get any sleep).
0400: Engage in brief, but noisy, skirmish with the aforementioned male rival.
0410: Catch mouse, charge through cat flap to show it to The Human!
0415: Mouse not yet dead, so spend 15 minutes playing with it, while growling to show that it's mine (thus keeping The Human awake).
0430: Partially eat now-deceased mouse and decide where to leave the rest of it so that, when The Human wakes, he'll put his foot on it.
0435: Miaow to be fed again. The Human feeds me again. Sniff and ignore food again.
0440: Repeat my trick of pretending to sleep with The Human, and then kicking him, before re-checking my territory.
0500: I've caught a bird! I've definitely got to show this to The Human!
0505: Blast! I've let the bird slip out of my jaws as I came through the cat flap and now it's flying around the living room, screaming in fear as I try to chase it. The Human doesn't seem to be very pleased.
0520: Double blast! The Human has got to the bird before me and let it escape :(
0530: Ruddy 'eck! Is it really almost an hour since I miaowed to be fed? Immediate action is required!
'Spriggs' appears to be a google-proof Ozzie word but I'm guessing that you mean his claws. None of my four cats has ever deliberately scratched me but I'm still covered in puncture marks and scratches!
I really want to get some sleep at the moment but the large bundle of ginger fur on my knee (Biscuit) seems to have no intention of moving in the near future.
(BTW: How did you get on with my crossword? Caran normally does them in around 40 minutes but that one took her three days!)
I really want to get some sleep at the moment but the large bundle of ginger fur on my knee (Biscuit) seems to have no intention of moving in the near future.
(BTW: How did you get on with my crossword? Caran normally does them in around 40 minutes but that one took her three days!)
Such generous souls, aren't they ! Don't waste your time admonishing your Terror, Hopkirk, it goes in one ear and promptly comes back out again !!
Love the aroma of fresh 'efforts' in the middle of the night ...really helps sleeping ....not.
Chris ....perhaps I meant spikes ? .....on sports shoes ?
But I think you get the picture .....when Ziggs gets startled while on my lap, the claws are deployed for better take off.....ouch !!
Loved the crossword, took me two days, on and off ....I'd do battle for a while, then retreat to my corner for r&r, then it would be on again !! Learnt several words I'd never encountered before ( messuage ?? ) looking forward to the next ( I jest...well not really, but you know ) thanks so much for creating it :)) xx
Love the aroma of fresh 'efforts' in the middle of the night ...really helps sleeping ....not.
Chris ....perhaps I meant spikes ? .....on sports shoes ?
But I think you get the picture .....when Ziggs gets startled while on my lap, the claws are deployed for better take off.....ouch !!
Loved the crossword, took me two days, on and off ....I'd do battle for a while, then retreat to my corner for r&r, then it would be on again !! Learnt several words I'd never encountered before ( messuage ?? ) looking forward to the next ( I jest...well not really, but you know ) thanks so much for creating it :)) xx
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