Mammograms

[tamborine]

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.

EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door.. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.

Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:

Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect.. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tyre of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.

Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!

AND, just a thought for all the women out there.......

MENtal illness, MEN strual cramps, MEN tal breakdown,
MENopause..............

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?.........And

When we have real trouble it's HISterectomy!!!!

Have a laugh but don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!!

[tenrec]

Have seen this before and it is so true!

[chi-chi66]

I've seen this before too, but it's good. Should have gone for mine last week, but was'nt too good, so to make another appointment. Not my first I might add.

[tenrec]

Make sure you go chi-chi

[chi-chi66]

Will do Tenrec, I usually go on the first app. but as I said not too good. They
send you a letter with where to ring if you miss it. For here it's Macclesfield.

[tenrec]

I go when I am asked but hate it with a passion!

[DaisyNonna]

Ours are held in a Mobile in a Supermarket Car Park. How much patient confidentiality does that mean? Yes I was pleased to be tested but I found dragging my shreds of dignity about me rather difficult. It would have been much easier and cheaper to get to the hospital rather than the car park. NO, I did not bother to shop.

[Mrsspagnoli57]

Have seen this before and found it funny but true then! First mammogram absolute agony-one 'old' nurse who was really cr@p. Second mammogram there were two 'young' nurses and I told them how bad the last experience was-they were fantastic-can't say it was pain free but they were quicker and dare I say more professional. 1st time nurse couldn't be bothered.

[chi-chi66]

so do I tenrec...I think all three of those exercises apply don't they. I try and make a mild joke when I'm there, but met with stonefaced response..does'nt
make it any better.

Daisy....each one I've been to its a mobile 'truck' in a car park.

[marval]

My mammograms have all been in a mobile unit, in the car park of a comunity hospital. Not the most pleasant experience , but they are always very nice people.

[Brinjal]

It's obvious the machine was invented by a man. If men had to put their bits in a machine like that you can be sure they old quickly invent something else

[zebo]

I cringe every time I close the toasted sandwich maker.

[BAKERS DOZEN]

Just read this and am crying with laughter. Brilliant and so true.

[treetops1]

I got wrong off the nurse when I said " I've come for my titty squash. "

[bellazella]

It isnt that painful

[DaisyNonna]

Zebo, how right you are! At least the sandwich maker got warm.

[gness]

True Brinjal. It`s when they have crammed as much as they can in and then start trying to haul the skin from around your spine in as well.

[gness]

And to add insult to injury the last time I was in there I was stung on the neck by a wasp at the same time. Nurse went and got vinegar from the kitchen and that was bloody cold too.

[tenrec]

bellazella, you must be the only one that doesn't find it painful. I'd rather poke my eyes with a pointy stick.

[bellazella]

I would not call it painful, uncomfortable perhaps, depends how bigger chest you have, i suppose

[DaisyNonna]

Always thought a wasp sting was best treated with a raw onion.Have I been deluded?