Punny repeats Two

I saw a female deer in my rear-vision mirror. It was case of hind-sight

I took up teaching fencing as I wanted my students to get the point.

Eggs make lousy comedians. They always crackup at their own yokes.

My wife uses a kitchen implement to shred garlic and parmesan cheese, which I hate. It really is the grater of two evils.

I find that movies about submarines always go down well.

Her decision to take up rock climbing was precipitous to say the least.

I don't know how to put on a helmet - the whole idea goes right over my head.

I was fired from my job selling amplifiers. I didn't achieve the sufficient volume of sales.

Ducks don't have their palms read - they look for it on the web.

Why did the pig quit running the marathon? He had a problem with his hamstring.

My job at the concrete plant seems to get harder and harder.

Did you hear of the story about the tornado? There is a twist at the end.

In high school I recall having a beautiful but difficult math teacher. She was easy on the eyes and hard on the pupils!

Did you hear about the owl that fell for twin comedians and had two wits to woo?

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers.

My son wanted a scooter. When I told him they are too dangerous, he moped around the house.

My dog failed his driving test, he can't parallel bark.

I went out for a run this morning and tripped over, I could have been wearing the wrong size shoes, I haven't seen the footage yet.

I tried to record an album in a reptile shop, but there was a terrible gecko.

He kept an alarm clock in the back window of his car. He was always ahead of his time.

The pianist led an upright life, but it wasn't grand. No matter how I tried to spinet, I couldn't console him!

The electrician and the air hostess got on really well together. Sparks flew!

Attention staff! The clothes keep falling off the mannequins in ladies' wear. Would someone please redress the problem?

Never hire a depressed exorcist - they're not very good at lifting spirits.

I met a man who loves eating couches. I think he has a suite tooth.

I walked past a gang of youths yesterday and one of them threw a piece of cheese at me, which hit me on the back of the head. I turned round and shouted, "That's not very mature!"
23:50 Wed 29th Feb 2012
 
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I can just see Tommy Cooper saying those. V funny.
Liked them marval.

jem
Question Author
Thank you, yes very Tommy Cooper.
Lovely, especially the one about the pianist.
Will be sending this one on to friends.
Some good ones there marval. :o)

The highlight of Christmas this year was seeing my uncle John cutting the garden hedges on Christmas morning and then later sitting down to Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

Tommy Cooper, Chic Murray, Tim Vine, Milton Jones & Steven Wright.
All excellent gag masters.

I love these backdraft jokes. Sorry, I meant quick fire jokes.

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