In Laws. Do we have to get along to make the marriage work?
My mother in law has never been to fond of me and my mother has never been too fond of my husband. i don't like my mother in law because of the way she treated me when i was dating her son. I have tried to tolerate her until i found out last year that her son cheated on me. She made a few comments and i let her have it. After all, I felt like I couldn't do anything to harm the relationship at that point. I no longer bit my tongue.
ftj001 Fri 09/05/08 16:38
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try to tolerate as you dont want the mother in law to affect your lives too much , then it will affect your marriage.
i use humor to interprate my mother in laws traits & behaviours.
we just have a laugh, and my man laughs at my mums traits.
try and not focus on this too much, or you'll go up the wall.
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Best to try and put your points across without shouting, because remember, your husband's mother was the first woman in his life, and not many guys like to hear bad things said against them. You could also tell your own mother that it's time to drop any adverse comments. if you can't all agree to differ, it can cause a severe rift in your relationship.
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Question Author
I have told my mom, but I can't stop her from doing it while I'm not around. But he insists that his mom doesn't have anything against me. She used to do the same stuff my mom does to him say and do things while the other person is not looking.
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Yes, I know what you're saying - and again, your husband either won't, or doesn't want to see what his mum's doing. If she says something unpleasant, try and keep calm, and say - "O.K., I'll tell - x - (your husband) what you've just said...."
If she thinks her son might side against her, it might make her sit up and think. That might seem a bit extreme though. if it was me, I'd openly ask her to keep her comments to herself - and also say the same to your own mum. Sometimes, in the eyes of our parents, their childrens' partners are never good enough, but if it's causing friction, you have to both let them know that you're not happy about it.
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Oh I can sooo sympathise as can my sister in law.
My mother in law has made our lives miserable since we married her precious sons 12 years and 12 months ago respectively.
Basically she has admitted that she is jealous that she cannot love her sons in the way we love her sons. To quote her ' you are not what I would of chosen for them - I would of chosen younger versions of myself" !!!!
Well I hit the roof - now we are ignored and at family parties my sister in law and I have to put up with snide comments she thinks we cannot hear.
So we now challenge her on everthing - well our hubbies don't do it for us - they just say well she's like that with everyone.
Although I have to admit - I started out with humour - it got so bad in the end that I would only go up if my sister in law was there and vica versa.
If you sort this out please let me know how - it is driving me insaneXX
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Question Author
Pulease,
My mother in law never liked me and even if I tried to remedy the situation she would just be phony about it all. My husband just doesn't bring them around and I do not go to family functions anymore. I think my husband knows if she says something smart there is going to be a serious problem. I love her son but I love me more and I refuse for some woman who isn't even related to be to belittle or say sly remarks under her breath. I bet she really wants to punch me in my face for what I said and thats justice enough for me. She won't dare because she knows her son loves me and that makes me laugh inside. You don't have to be friends with her you married him and not the whole family. I could be wrong, but thats how I look at it.
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