Worried About My Son

[nailit]

My sons mum kicked him out a few weeks ago and since then hes basically been sofa surfing. He comes mine for a bath, change of clothes and something to eat and sometimes a bed for the night. He has no job and claims no benefits so everyone else is keeping him. We had a row this morning because he had no clean clothes to wear (theyr still in the washing basket) and I told him that hes got to start to take at least SOME responsibility for himself, I provide him with food and money when I have any spare. Hes in court on Tuesday so will HAVE to find some way to pay his fines.
I know that tough love may be required with him but I think that hes suffering from depression (not helped by the weed he smokes with his mates) and he didn't have an easy time living with his mum (not wanting to go into details here). He left mine this morning with me telling him not to come back until his attitude changes but I know that he WILL come back and I'll relent again. Hes my only child and I cant stand the thought of him walking the streets at night when he has a bed at mine. Maybe Im just letting of a bit of steam here but I don't know what to do for the best...

[andy-hughes]

Errr - I am not taking issue with your right to your opinion, you just have no right to abuse people on here.

[Errrrrr]

Murray I know you are looking out for me but I was just trying to help, he is the one with the problem

[murraymints]

indeed you are Errrrr..but name calling and personal insults are really frowned upon by ED..think plenty..say nowt..that's the best way ..honest !!!

[andy-hughes]

Errrr - you don't appear to be listening.

Let me say it a little louder for you -

ABUSE IS AGAINST Site Rules AND IS NOT TOLERATED.

Thanks.

[Mamyalynne]

It's perfectly simple to strongly disagree with someone's views without being personally abusive.

Yes, this is an emotive topic but think before submitting.

[Smowball]

This is so similar to one of my sons as a lot of you know. In and out of trouble, prison, smoking weed, kept not turning up to jobs because he was stoned , sleeping on mates sofas..... he lives miles from me and didn't want to come and stay with me - wanted to be near all his troublesome mates. Really came to a head about 6 weeks ago when he fell out with his mates mum where he was staying.. which is an absolute dump anyway!! He had a bit of money by then but just couldn't see a way forward as again he's been smoking weed. I spent 4 hours on internet trying to find somewhere he could just rent a room and where they wouldn't want references etc. Finally found one a mile from his mates.spoke to owner, sent my son the phone number and address and said get there within the hour- just have a look! He went, saw for the first time he could have his OWN little space and room and took it on the spot. Has changed him beyond belief. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom

[andy-hughes]

A good point Smo - hopefully nailit will take some comfort from the personal experiences related in here when he next logs on.

[murraymints]

that's good news Smow....xx

[Errrrrr]

I don't do being quiet night x

[Smowball]

Thanks Andy/MM. He admitted if I hadn't found it he would have just gone to another mates sofa. He's now doing all his own washing at launderette, all his own shopping etc, I suspect he's still smoking the old wacky backy but one star at a time. Hope this helps nailit- I know it's tough.

[ladybirder]

I see the following five posts after my 15.35 post were removed. Can someone tell me were any of them directed at me?

[cassa333]

I think all those people so against tough love need to understand what that is. For some reason they think it is abandonment. But it isn't. It is showing them that you will not enable them to carry one with specific behaviour if they want to be with you. They are not necessarily cutting them adrift they are pushing them, sometimes kicking and screaming, into a situation whereby they have to look and address their behaviour.

Sometimes that can't be done 'in house' so to speak.

[anneasquith]

Ladybirder, I don't think anything was directed at you .

[woofgang]

LB, I think it was errrr losing control again....don’t remember anything aimed at you

[ladybirder]

Thank You Anne and Woof, I'm relieved to hear that. XX

[nailit]

Thanks for additional replies guys. All very much appriciated, thank you.

[murraymints]

hope things have calmed down a bit nailit ..xx

[nailit]

He went of on one a couple of days ago murray, he'll be back when hes hungry.