Bereavement After Losing Your Mum

[237SJ]

It doesn`t get any easier does it? Somebody at work told me that the pain of loss diminishes but the sense of loss never goes. They say that it takes 2 years to get over a bereavement. So I have another about another 9 months to go. Does it get any better?

[Tilly2]

I lost my Mum 23 years ago and I think about her every day. It becomes less painful as time goes by, but you won't forget her.

[jennyjoan]

I echo Tilly's sentiments. Even today certain things crop up in life and it makes you think of her and dad. Hope you feel good soon.

[rockyracoon]

I can't imagine the pain of losing a parent, you have my sympathies.

[Mamyalynne]

It changes as you go though the stages of grief.

[Old_Geezer]

Yes but beware of using other folks' timetable. Everyone is different. You have to subconsciously opt to move on and not feel guilty about doing so. For sure your mother would not want you to mourn forever. But you have to change to accept that. If consciously you are questioning how you feel then maybe you are close to making that change. If you feel that is so then when a feeling of loss occurs, accept it as valid but refuse to use it as a reason to mull over the thought for ages. Go find something else to occupy you until your subconscious gets the message that dragging up this feeling is no longer something you crave and it tries less and less often. Good luck.

[anneasquith]

There is no "" timetable", the only thing I can say is. It does get a bit easier as time goes by. And just remember, you will never feel so bad as you did which n she died.

[paddywak]

As everybody has said it never goes away,you think it does but all it takes is an old song or a picture or a chance comment to bring your patrents back to your memory sometimes with a tear and sometimes with a smile,but they are always there.

[maggiebee]

Never thought there were any hard and fast rules. Lost my mum when I was just 20 and I do miss her. However I lost my dad when I was 55 and miss him even more. I've put it down to having him in my life for longer.

[jourdain2]

It eases, my dear 237SJ. It never quite goes that is correct. My GP told me that losing your Mum is like a pregnancy in reverse and she was right. The world was never the same, but you can eventually adjust your world.

Just talking about this has brought a tear to my eye. Mum died in 1990.
Mostly now it is the happy memories which occur and I tell my children and grandchildren about her.

Time does heal and help you to accept and adjust.

Love,

J2 xx

[Togo]

It gets easier, but strange thinks remind you. I still half expect a birthday or Christmas card (particularly from my late sister). Then again I remember all the years I though hell, I need to get a Mother or Fathers day card, or birthday and Christmas cards with a gift or a visit for lunch or a get together. Then I dwell because I now don't have to, and wish that I did.

[237SJ]

Thank you for your sentiments. I was OK when my Dad died but when my Mum died it hit me really hard. Probably because she was the second parent to go. A bereavement councillor told me that my Mum`s death will become part of the fabric of my life. I`m sure she is correct. It`s just that I don`t want to have that sadness in my life. Thank God for Citalopram

[Samuraisan]

My mother died 15 years ago and she pops into my thoughts everyday. Especially when I am with my grandchildren who she never met (6 and 2) and knowing how much she would have adored them and how proud she would have been of my children. But knowing sincerely how much she loved and was proud of me gives me strength . I remember her caresses when I was a little girl and , when I look into a mirror I see her.

[jourdain2]

samurasian - I see my mum when I look in the mirror, too - and also when I look at my younger daughter. 'You never truly die while someone remembers you' was said to me- it's true.

[-SharonA-]

I lost mine, 10 years ago and I miss her everyday. It is easier now as you have the lovely memories and I smile when I think of her.

[marval]

I agree that there is no time limit for bereavement. I lost my Mum in 2009, I still think about her and my Dad. It does get a bit easier, but allow yourself to have moments of sadness and reflection. The memories you have of her will stay with you, and I find they do help.

[naomi24]

Eventually you come to accept it - but you never forget. I lost my mum (and my dad whom I miss just as much) too soon and like Tilly I think of her every single day. I would give practically anything to spend just one more moment with her. x

[queenofmean]

I lost my mum (Nungate) in January. I can't say it's got easier - yet, but I'm just learning to adapt to life without her. But I guess it could still be very raw for me. I miss her very much but I've come to realise that she lives on in me. Things I say or do usually comes out and I'm often told 'you are just like your mum'.
I do hope that things get better for you 237

[Patsy33]

My Mum was my world, same goes for my sister. We think of her everyday. It does get easier with time, but life is not the same without her. It's been seven years since she left this world, it seems to have flow by.

[jno]

there are no rules; you'll feel it as long as you feel it and everyone's different. (I wasn't in mourning for two years, but I was already old and living thousands of miles from her.) But life goes on - which means that other experiences, sensations, emotions fill up your memory banks whether you like it or not. They may start to blur your feeling for her, or they may not, but there's no point in either forcng them or fighting them.

If it's actually disrupting your own life you might like to think about some sort of therapy, but if not, just ride with it.

[Bathsheba]

It does get easier SJ with time, but mu Mum was riddled with cancer, and not the Mum I knew, so it was a relief to see her leave this world. She was the same age as I am now, and I'm due to have an operation very soon, and I can't help myself dwelling on that and making a comparison.
The same with my Dad, he lived till his eighties, but was also in pain and suffering with only one leg left, and that one would have had to be amputated had he lasted any longer. So what I'm trying to say to you is that I think if we are seeing a loved one in pain, it's sometimes a relief to see them leave this world.

Wishing you peace and love
Baths
x x x