The loss of my beautiful boy Staffie

[Pegoyd]

I'm sorry in advance as this maybe long, I don't know who to turn to or what I'm going to write so I will just type...

We lost our beloved Staffy on 30th April, we had to make the choice to put him to sleep, the most painful choice I have ever had to do, he looked so sad and I cant get the image out of my head....I know its only been 2 days but my heart is hurting like I have never ever felt before.

We have had Lloyd since he was 8 weeks old, along side his sister Peggy, they were inseparable, never ever been apart in the 10 and a half years we have had them, these two staffys were our two babies. I had to miscarriages and after suffering the second we decided to give up for a while and get two dogs, and that's why we have Peggy and Lloyd.

I'm going to now just talk about Lloyd, but you must know I feel exactly the same way about Peggy, but she is still here next to me as I type

Everybody loved Lloyd, he wasn't your normal Staff, he was a wimp and a little nervous boy, we dint know why as he had always been loved from day one....I think maybe I mothered him way too much , they slept in our bed, took the covers from us, life was just them...he was an absolute one in a million dog, so unique and so odd lol, makes me smile thinking of the stupid things hes done...

I fell pregnant again in 2007 and this time was a success, we had Ronnie in 2008, and Peggy and Lloyd were just BRILLIANT with him, looked after him, played with him, just so so brilliant...

Both dogs have never been poorly, we have been so lucky really....

About a month ago Lloyd started coughing here and there, we didn't really take too much notice and carried on life, about 3 weeks ago he become very breathless all the time so we took him to the vets who said he had fluid on the lungs and pneumonia, he was given tablets and we was told to go back once the tablets had finished (2 weeks), we had a bit of joy thinking he would get better....on Saturday 28th April his condition started getting worse, he could hardly breath but was eating and drinking, so we thought maybe its the tablets, so we gave him lots of cuddles and affection...

On Sunday it was a different story, he was so so poorly, he didn't want us to cuddle him, kiss him, he looked frightened, we took him to the emergency vet who gave him a water injection to release some of the fluid around his lungs, we were told to take him home as his breathing was bad and he needed to take him home to be comfortable and to take him back to the surgery first thing...that night was awful, I was so scared and upset

Next morning we took him the vets who when examining said it didn't look good and they would run tests and we were to phone them midday, we went home, 20 minutes after getting home the vet called and said we must go back now as they were losing him (my heart is crumbling as I write this), we went back and poor Lloyd was on oxygen, his whole body was infected and there was absolutely nothing they could do for him, and he would be alive for a few hours, but we decided to have him put to rest there and then as we couldn't see him suffer, it was the MOST HEARTBREAKING THING EVER..I am so glad we was with him the whole time

The guilt and the hurt is unbearable, I dint sense him around me in spirit at all, I feel this is because he wasn't put to sleep at home and was somewhere strange, he hasn't come to me or given me a sign he is OK and that he still loves me, I'm hurting so much, we have his ashes at home with us and he sleeps next to us, I cant quite believe he is gone, snatched so quickly...

Peggy is so sad, I'm wondering how she is feeling, they have never been apart since they were born, over 10 years ago....now I'm thinking Lloyd hates me for all the times he was a little ratbag and I told him off.....that's all I can think about is when I told him off and how I wish I hadn't,

I just dont know how to cope, I miss him terribly

Jodie

[benny3008]

Sorry to hear about your loss, it must be horrible for you at the moment and I cannot imagine how you must be feeling, I have not yet been through such an experience yet although I know my boys time will come one day and i dread it, I hope things start to look up for you very soon. Best wishes. Ben

[lankeela]

You did the most selfless thing you could in letting him go to stop his suffering - he is no longer in pain or having trouble breathing. You wouldn't ever have wanted him to suffer would you - which is the final act of love you can do for all the love he has given you. Remember all the good times and smile as you think of him. Give Peggy an extra cuddle and don't worry about feeling upset - we have all been through it and will have to do so again. Have a look on Animals and Nature - one of our regulars on there has to face the final decision tomorrow and everyone knows how she is feeling.

[woofgang]

Nothing to add to lankeela's excellent post except a hug.

[marval]

Sorry to hear of your loss, you do not have to feel guilty. Just allow yourself time to grieve.

A dog's prayer

To Those Who Love & Those Who Love Me

When I am gone, release me, let me go-
I have so many things to see and do.
You must not tie yourself to me with tears,
Be happy that we had so many years.
I gave you my love, you can only guess
How much you gave me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you have each shown.
But now it is time I traveled alone.
So grieve awhile for me if grieve you must,
Then let your grief be comforted by trust,
It is only for a while that we must part,
So bless the memories within your heart,
I will not be far away, for life goes on,
So if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you can not see or touch me, I will be near.
And if you listen with your heart, you will hear
All my love around you soft and clear.
And then, when you must come this way alone,
I will greet you with a smile and "Welcome Home".

[Cmitchell]

Bless you Jodie, trust me it will get easier but it will be a long process. Your little Peggy will defo be feeling it too. You may see her wondering aimlessly from room to room. She will be looking for him. I know because We had Toby put down some years ago and Emily our other dog spent best part of a fortnight doing that. I remember pushing her away when she came to me for a cuddle, but at the time all I wanted was Toby. Time does eventually heal, you need to be patient with yourself and remember those around you need a cuddle too. I wish I had been better with Emily. Xx

[paddywak]

So sorry to wear your news jodie, but don't worry you're bound to miss him and you'll never forget him just remember he loved you and you loved him.It's three weeks since we lost Max and there's hardly a day goes by without something reminding us of him but it is getting better, as they're often the sort of thing that makes us smile.

[masma]

Although it's difficult please try not to feel guilty, you have done the most loving thing you could ever do for Lloyd. We have been through it twice and although it never gets any easier we will do the same for Coco. We have buried Jetspoons ashes and made a special little garden for her which is a great comfort.
My love and hugs go out to you and your family, including Peggy xxxxxxxx

[furrypusscat]

I added to the post referred to by lankeela and the same message goes out to you. I really feel for you at your loss. I am dreading the day I have to make the same decision with my cat who will be 9 on Sunday. Our pets give so much love and the loss of one is immense. You will have your fond memories which will stay with you forever. Give lots of hugs and attention to Peggy.

[Tilly2]

I know exactly how you feel. I have had four of my 'babies' put to sleep over the last thirty years and it is so hard to do. You just have to keep thinking that it was for the best and you let them go because you loved them so much. When I lost my last german shepherd, my staffie was so bereft and so we took him everywhere with us and never left him alone.
About four months later we got another german shepherd rescue dog and they were perfect together. Life goes on and lots of lovely dogs need caring homes. Its early days but you might, later on, be able to replace your beloved Lloyd with a staffie that needs a lovely home. Take Peggy to meet the new dog and see how you go. I know that you feel devastated but you will move on from your sorrow. Believe me.

[chi-chi66]

My heart goes out to you Jodie, it's always a sad time, moreso when we
humans have to make that decision, we feel the guilt, but it's done out of
love as we can't see our pets suffer.

I'm sure Peggy will miss Lloyd, but make more fuss of her.

I had to do the same with one of my cats, they were from the same litter.
Ria, the one still with me, followed me all of the time, and looking for Tess.
She still follows me everywhere, nine years later, she's my shadow.
I felt a lot of guilt, why did'nt I notice sooner that she was'nt behaving as usual.
I put it down to the shifts I worked. I was told at the hospital, animals do
hide their problems.

You will remember the fun times.

((((hugs)))) xxx

[brenda]

pegoyd-- please just remember the good times. There will be so much remember.Will be thinking of you at this sad time, but time is the greatest healer. All the very best.Brenda.

[welshlibranr]

I can't say it better than Lankeela did!...........just want to add that I know how you're feeling, it's hard to deal with I know, but in time you'll just remember the good times!..........x

[ladybirder]

Make a big fuss of Peggy, she will be missing him as much if not more than you. They break our hearts don't they.XX

[naomi24]

^^ They certainly do. So very sorry. x

[Pegoyd]

Thank you all for your lovely answers, I just cant imagine EVER getting over him, him was my World, as Peggy is! Most people say "its just a dog, get another one"..he wasn't just a dog, he was my dog, my beautiful Lloyd......what I would give just to have more time with him :(

I been on forums trying to take some comfort, I guess its the way I am coping (trying), and so many people are saying how they know their pets are still with them in spirit and how they can sense them.....I cant, its just an empty space, I feel as though he must hate me,

It truely is the worse pain I have ever in my life been through, Peggy is getting lots of hugs bless her, she just misses him so much, they were never ever apart, where one was the other was....thats why we called them Pegoyd :) Peggy and Lloyd put together....

Its such a selfish thought but I want to sleep and never wake up just so I can be with him, He was so vulnerable and such a little wimp even though he was built muscly, I just dont want him to be scared and on his own, I just want him to be with me so I can give him a cuddle and keep him safe...

Life really is so very cruel

Again thank you so very very much

Jodie

[masma]

Oh dear Jodie - If he loved you half as much as you loved him he wouldn't want you to be feeling like this, he will be forever grateful to you for helping him out of his suffering. It's always harder for the ones who are left behind so take care of yourself and Peggy xxx

[lankeela]

What on earth would Peggy do without you? You need to keep strong for her sake, she is missing her best friend already, and you are the one she will turn to for comfort. Lloyd will never be alone, he will be where all the good (and not so good!) dogs go where they are free of pain and suffering.

[horseshoes]

This will make you cry I'm sure - every time I read it I remember my old friend.

http://petloss.com/rainbowbridge.htm

Don't feel guilt - you loved him and he loved you, and there's nothing better in the world than loving and being loved. Big hug x

[nungate]

He was a much loved boy, you did the best thing you could have done for him, it was a kindness, he didn't have to suffer and your were with him at the end - something I couldn't do for our much loved cat last summer, despite the vet coming to our home as I didn't want him to go from us somewhere that was unfamiliar for him, my husband stayed in the room with him and the vet until he was gone, and we laid hm on his chair until the pet undertaker came for him. You will always miss your boy, our pets leave their paw prints on our hearts, you must be there to look after your wee girl now, try to take some comfort from her and remember, Lloyd is waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge.