Daughter beaten up by her boyfriend

[daffy654]

My daughter came round this morning covered in bruises, cuts and scratches. When I asked her where they were from she said her new boyfriend did it because he found out she had posted on a male friend's FB page. I went silent with rage when she said this... she knows if I go silent that I am very angry.
She claims she has contacted the police who want photos of her injuries. I'm not sure whether she has contacted them or was saying it to keep me quiet. She also said she is going round to see this boyfriend later on after she has bought a new mobile for herself because he smashed hers up.

Will the police press charges (if she has actually called them) against him even if she doesn't want them to?

[ELVIS68]

Get her away from him asap, typical green eyed monster, he`ll never change

Do whatever you have to do to get her away, good luck x

[bigfoot3000]

Damn daffy! Sorry to hear this as its never easy for a parent to hear this kind of news especially when you are left helpless as has happened. Could i ask how old they are and did he punch strangle her, restrain her if she attacked him etc... according to your daughters words.

[welshlibranr]

I say that you should let your OH put the frighteners on him for sure! No need to hurt him, just scare him to death!.................just for starters..............then let him wonder what is coming next!......................

[daffy654]

Bigfoot, my daughter is 21 and her boyfriend a year older.
Most of my daughter's bruises and cuts are on her upper arm, shoulder and neck on her left side. She also has scratches across her right shoulder. She had asked him to leave her house after their argument about the facebook post but he wouldn't go, so she tried to get out of the door to a friend's to ring the police to see if they could remove him for her and he just went ballistic and attacked her. He grabbed her around the neck and threw her to the floor where he tried to hold her down and was hitting her around the head and upper body. She eventually struggled free and went to phone the police, he had gone by the time she got back. There was a witness to the whole incident as she had a friend visiting at the time. This bloke has previously been in prison for violence and car theft offences.

My daughter is no angel but nobody deserves to be attacked in ths way... she didn't start the argument or the actual fight, but I know my girl and she would not have backed down if she felt she had done nothing wrong by posting on a male friend's facebook page.

[sandyRoe]

Is he telling people on his Facebook page why he's come to the attention of the police? Beating up a woman is hardly anything to boast about.

[lotsafun]

daffy i really feel for you :-) having been through a violent marriage a few years i never understood the impact it had on my parents as well as myself until i finally left for good, i was extremely selfish and i cant apologise enough to them. From everything you have said on here it a classic typical case of control, fear and malnipulation, and he will not change! The one positive thing to come out of this so far is that the assault is on record, even though she has backed down from it, it will always be there and when he assaults her again, which he will, the police will see a pattern and can then go ahead with prosecution without your daughters consent if needs be. Now with her moving from the area to essex, whos idea is that, his i bet? Thats another way of gaining control and isolating her from all that she knows. The advice i can give you on that one is to make sure that they have all eyes on them. Contact womens aid, social services, health visitors and the police and let them know your concerns, if you cant keep watch, they will. Let your daughter know that you are doing this too. Sadly apart from that there is not much more you can do, just be there for her when she needs you. Until she is ready to leave she wont.

[daffy654]

A quick update.... the scumbag was officially arrested upon his visit to the police station, he was then given a warning and released. At least it is on record now.

[tinkerbell23]

GOOD im glad its on record...ur daughter is ages with me...and i hope u managed to get a little sleep last night xx

[Bbbananas]

Good. Now you must do your best to persuade your daughter to keep away from him. He has a history of violence and the chances of him never doing anything like this again are miniscule.

[bigfoot3000]

Unfortunately this is the same scenario we keep hearing about and you can only be there for her till she comes to her senses and dumps the loser.

[OrcadianOil]

1. The Police do not "press charges". They investigate, gather evidence, then present their findings to the Crown Prosecution Services who will decide whether or not there is enough evidence to pursue a prosecution at public expense.

2. In my Police experience, most females are misguided enough to stay in an abusive relationship, for a multitude of reasons. Very few seem to be able or willing to cut the cord and instead believe, mistakenly in the vast majority of cases, that they can "reform" him. A leopard rarely changes its spots!

[daffy654]

Orcadian Oil, your point number 2 is what concerns me the most. My daughter has already forgiven him and is back with him behaving as if nothing has happened. At least she had the sense not to bring him to my house this morning as she usually does when she visits... otherwise it might be my oh being charged with assault.

[Bbbananas]

She's 21, so young. And, unfortunately, she may still be one of those who believe they can change a certain leopard's spots.

Look out for her.

[OrcadianOil]

I wasn't trying to worry you any more than you obviously and understandably are, but it's a classic ploy by the bullying partner (predominantly the male) to want to have her back - aafter all, as far as he's concerned, he's in charge of her, she's simply his so called chattel, and all his false sweet talk will play on her emotions to take him back, especially when he swears blind that he'll never do it again? (Yeah, right!)

At only 21, she is of course and adult in law, but she's still really a child, certainly in your eyes as a concerned parent, and presumably has no sort of experience of such an abusive relationship (hopefully?).

Your situation, i.e. very worried mum caught in the middle, is extremely delicate to say the least, because you obviously want what's best for your daughter, but at the same time you need to let her spread her wings into adulthood.

Without having read all the posts, it would seem from what you've said that because she's taken him back, has the Police involvement come to nothing? You can only speak to her, without him being present, express your concerns, which I'm sure you've already done?, and then let her get on with it. Like anyone else, she will have to learn from her mistakes, for we all make them.

It concerns me that this guy, you say, is "her new boyfriend"? I wonder how much she knew about him before co-habiting with him? Perhaps he has "previous" for assaulting his partner, something which maybe your daughter didn't know about? Any guy who can assault his partner to the extent of leaving her with lots of bruising, cuts, scratches etc, doesn't sound to me as if he has much, if any, respect for her.

I hope she comes to no further harm and makes the correct decisions for her own wellbeing and peace of mind, and yours?