ELVIS68
Because of the current economic climate I can no longer enjoy my usual luxury sweets,..... all I can afford is 2 fruity-fizz dips and a swizzle stick. Looks like it really is a Double Dip recession....
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ELVIS68
I hear The Bee Gees voices whenever I go in my garden.
Maybe it's just the chive talking...
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ELVIS68
We've been told that annual leave will not be granted during the Olympics unless we prove we have tickets for an event
Is this allowed?...
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ELVIS68
My wife's leaving me because because becauuuse ..
My obsession with the wizard of oz...
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ELVIS68
Being a Scarecrow isnt my favourite job..
But hay, its in my jeans....
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ELVIS68
Chelsea have been forced to cancel today's victory parade after they realised that the bus they planned to use for it is still parked in front of their goal in Munich.
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ELVIS68
The husband lay dying. The wife was by his bedside, he said in a tired voice,"there's something I must confess." "Shhh", said the wife, "there's nothing to confess,...
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ELVIS68
Mr Zip and Pudsey have announced that they are teaming up for their new single - "Where me fleas, where me bone?"
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ELVIS68
What a thrilling final day, it had the lot!
Just need Bayern to beat Chelski next week now for Spurs to get champs league next season.....gonna be a long week :o\...
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ELVIS68
A bloke just passed me on a tractor:
"Come and get your medicine, tablets, injections" he shouted.
I thought, 'sounds like Farmer Suticle'....
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ELVIS68
I bought my wife a new fridge for her birthday....
Her face lit up when she opened it...
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ELVIS68
Seems like a nice bloke
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ELVIS68
Monica Lewinsky has sent a message of sympathy for all the greeting card retailers who are losing their jobs. She says she wanted to do her bit because she knows what it feels like to get shafted by...
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ELVIS68
My Australian herbal fanatic mate came round to mine the other day, after I'd built my herb garden.
"Lavender garden?"he said.
"Thanks mate, I like yours too."...
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ELVIS68
Will you pay to watch this freak show of a boxing match? After their pretend fracas at the press conference a few months ago they held a pathetic press conference at upton park today separated by 6ft...
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ELVIS68
If only they'd sang live first time round surely they wouldn't be so stressed out about performing again? Claire looks like she hasn't climbed any steps in the last 10 years except those of the local...
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ELVIS68
Why so much hatred towards him?
I could understand if he left for peanuts in top form but you got £50m for a striker who couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat....
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ELVIS68
Just read Chelsea want to build a new stadium in Battersea Power Station.
What about Stamford Bridge?
You can't just bulldoze 6 years of history....
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ELVIS68
I just saw a bloke driving a tractor and shouting "THE END IS NIGH!"
I think it was Farmer Geddon....
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