Sunday Express Skeleton - Last One
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i have been with my husband for nearly 7 years married for 3 and half on sunday he told me he felt nothing for me he loves me but not in love with me he says hes been trying for the last 12 months and nothing has changed . i keep saying now i understand how he feels maybe we shud give it another go weve never had any big problems like this b4 and i dont want to throw away nearly 7 years i love him so much and am still in love with him i want to make it work . he keeps saying hes been trying for the last 12 months but now hes told me how he feels maybe things can work i just wish he told me 12 months ago and it wouldnt of got to this stage what does everyone think . Im so heartbroken and one minute im ok next min im in tears
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I must say joanne, you think that now, but if he really is trying to tell you it's over; just trying to do it in a kind way (but failing abysmally....) maybe you do have to look to a future without him.
I am not divorced from my (2nd) husband - we have been separated for 4 years, I will always have feelings for him and there will always be a place in my heart for him. I have fond memories of the good times when he was a good man - I've tried to put behind the bad times and when he was, indeed, very bad. But I knew when it was time to move on and move away. It's hard to do, especially when the other spouse still wants the marriage to work and is still 'in love', but I'm afraid that is life.
You need to talk openly & honestly, get some couples counselling if he will agree to it, but not to cling to him whatever the cost, because if he does want to break away, eventually he will....
sorry :-(
I am not divorced from my (2nd) husband - we have been separated for 4 years, I will always have feelings for him and there will always be a place in my heart for him. I have fond memories of the good times when he was a good man - I've tried to put behind the bad times and when he was, indeed, very bad. But I knew when it was time to move on and move away. It's hard to do, especially when the other spouse still wants the marriage to work and is still 'in love', but I'm afraid that is life.
You need to talk openly & honestly, get some couples counselling if he will agree to it, but not to cling to him whatever the cost, because if he does want to break away, eventually he will....
sorry :-(
Sorry you have endured some of the 'humour' that some people post on here - their sensitivity gene got surgically removed somewhere along the line.
It sounds to me as though your husband is in the early stages of depression - probably brought on by the pressures of overwork. In this situation, it is easy to loose your libido, and with it, the feelings that your relationship is still worthwhile - hence his 'love you but not in love with you' stance.
You really do need some counselling, and salla's advice is sound - as uisual.
In the mean time, keep talking to each other. Nothing heavy, just keep on chatting away when and where you can.
Try and go for a walk, hold hands, and just see what happens with a little fresh air, and no immediate pressure to be somewhere and do something.
This marriage is certainly salvagable at this stage, so don;t give up!
It is difficult, but not by any means unique. Give him al the affection you can, but no pressure at all to return it.
Keep in touch - we have a way to go, and if the 'humourists' butt out, you can get some support on here.
It sounds to me as though your husband is in the early stages of depression - probably brought on by the pressures of overwork. In this situation, it is easy to loose your libido, and with it, the feelings that your relationship is still worthwhile - hence his 'love you but not in love with you' stance.
You really do need some counselling, and salla's advice is sound - as uisual.
In the mean time, keep talking to each other. Nothing heavy, just keep on chatting away when and where you can.
Try and go for a walk, hold hands, and just see what happens with a little fresh air, and no immediate pressure to be somewhere and do something.
This marriage is certainly salvagable at this stage, so don;t give up!
It is difficult, but not by any means unique. Give him al the affection you can, but no pressure at all to return it.
Keep in touch - we have a way to go, and if the 'humourists' butt out, you can get some support on here.
Sorry andy - you probably posted that before you read my last contribution - which did come across as rather negative which I didn't mean it to be - I meant it to be realistic rather than negative.
I think there is more than a little hope for your relationship Joanne - just keep those lines of communication open. Maybe he is a little depressed - or a little disillusioned perhaps - god knows we all have been from time to time in a long-term relationship.
Keep fighting girl - you do have support and understanding on here. Take no notice of sqad - he means well. Nice guy really underneath all the blarney - he's just a bit of an insensitive @rse sometimes.
I think there is more than a little hope for your relationship Joanne - just keep those lines of communication open. Maybe he is a little depressed - or a little disillusioned perhaps - god knows we all have been from time to time in a long-term relationship.
Keep fighting girl - you do have support and understanding on here. Take no notice of sqad - he means well. Nice guy really underneath all the blarney - he's just a bit of an insensitive @rse sometimes.
He is contradictory to say the least.....he feels 'nothing' yet still loves you?? That is more than a lot of relationships have.And with that-then you still have something to work on.
All marriages have their ups and downs.....it is how you deal with them that matters. He is obviously not looking at things the same as you....you must get together and talk,talk,talk. Relate WOULD be the best course of action...but he needs to want it as much as you do. over the life of most marriages-there will be times when problems arise..whether due to money,sex, how to raise the kids,inlaws...whatever. But there is always the bedrock-the values or goals that got you together in the first place. Always try to go back to those. Even now-after the relatively short time you've been together-there are things that have fallen by the wayside. Try to do things together again. take a weekend off....do some spur-of-the-moment things......eat your meals together---and chat!! It may seem only a small thing...but the way you are living your lives now--you sound like 2 ships that are just passing each other by. If you enjoy eachh others company-then seek it out ....and not on different sofas...at least not all the time.
All marriages have their ups and downs.....it is how you deal with them that matters. He is obviously not looking at things the same as you....you must get together and talk,talk,talk. Relate WOULD be the best course of action...but he needs to want it as much as you do. over the life of most marriages-there will be times when problems arise..whether due to money,sex, how to raise the kids,inlaws...whatever. But there is always the bedrock-the values or goals that got you together in the first place. Always try to go back to those. Even now-after the relatively short time you've been together-there are things that have fallen by the wayside. Try to do things together again. take a weekend off....do some spur-of-the-moment things......eat your meals together---and chat!! It may seem only a small thing...but the way you are living your lives now--you sound like 2 ships that are just passing each other by. If you enjoy eachh others company-then seek it out ....and not on different sofas...at least not all the time.
A different view here , and maybe one you don't want to hear.
Sometimes relationships just run out of steam.
Lots of reasons why ,but perhaps you are not the same people as when the relationship began , nothing in common and so on.
I know what your heartbreak must be like , but sometimes things are just over.
Sometimes relationships just run out of steam.
Lots of reasons why ,but perhaps you are not the same people as when the relationship began , nothing in common and so on.
I know what your heartbreak must be like , but sometimes things are just over.
Maybe he feels he is in a rut. You say you've been together 7 years and he's 25 - so from 18 he's been with you.
Could be he wants some excitement in his life, you say he works 2 jobs - you don't seem to have much time together-maybe he needs change of scenery.
Don't give up and go travelling.
I've been with mu hubby since I was 14 and I'm 2 too,can't imagine how you feel but fight for what you want.
Could be he wants some excitement in his life, you say he works 2 jobs - you don't seem to have much time together-maybe he needs change of scenery.
Don't give up and go travelling.
I've been with mu hubby since I was 14 and I'm 2 too,can't imagine how you feel but fight for what you want.
Hi Joanne
I know this may go against the grain, but besides going to counselling (which I also would do) would be to go to nightschool. I would do this for a number of reasons:
1) meet more people - sounds like you need more friends, well we could all do with more friends couldn't we?!
2) learn a skill either hobby/interest/better yourself so that you could get a better job or a promotion
3) you need to GET BUSY! If you are not home and he is looking at "an empty sofa", he will be wondering where you are and what you're doing.
Now I'm NOT suggesting you keep going to night school a secret, if he asks you where you're going then tell him. Don't voulunteer the information, but if he asks then do tell him.
I think it will make you feel better as well.
Also do try to do at least one thing together on your own each month - that is a quality night out i.e. go see a comedian/ meal out/pub together/ walk in country/bike ride/feed the ducks together. I read recently somewhere that the most successful relationships are the ones where couples still do these things (just with each other - NO KIDS or friends!!!) years and years down the line. These are the strongest and happiest relationships.
Hope all this helps hon, let us know what you tried and what worked.
Very best of luck
Mitchell
PS take no notice of twits on here!!
I know this may go against the grain, but besides going to counselling (which I also would do) would be to go to nightschool. I would do this for a number of reasons:
1) meet more people - sounds like you need more friends, well we could all do with more friends couldn't we?!
2) learn a skill either hobby/interest/better yourself so that you could get a better job or a promotion
3) you need to GET BUSY! If you are not home and he is looking at "an empty sofa", he will be wondering where you are and what you're doing.
Now I'm NOT suggesting you keep going to night school a secret, if he asks you where you're going then tell him. Don't voulunteer the information, but if he asks then do tell him.
I think it will make you feel better as well.
Also do try to do at least one thing together on your own each month - that is a quality night out i.e. go see a comedian/ meal out/pub together/ walk in country/bike ride/feed the ducks together. I read recently somewhere that the most successful relationships are the ones where couples still do these things (just with each other - NO KIDS or friends!!!) years and years down the line. These are the strongest and happiest relationships.
Hope all this helps hon, let us know what you tried and what worked.
Very best of luck
Mitchell
PS take no notice of twits on here!!
leeand....very sensible decision. As time goes on people change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.....only time will tell.
I tried to tell you this before, but you dumped me, but your marriage is not much different from thousands of marriages.
Good luck and it could still work out well for nyou.
I tried to tell you this before, but you dumped me, but your marriage is not much different from thousands of marriages.
Good luck and it could still work out well for nyou.
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