Crosswords3 mins ago
So confused, need help getting over him
18 Answers
Am 17,never posted on here before. My boyfriend just split up with me after just over 6 months and I need some help getting over him.I lost my virginity to him, and he's the first guy I ever really loved. If you need help understanding, then feel free to ask any questions. Thanks.
Don't really know how to start, but over the Christmas holidays things had been kinda strained between us because I get really down when I don't get to see him (am seeing about getting counselling and being tested for depression), so when he rang up on Monday, I kinda freaked out as I asked him if he was coming round to dump me, and he said he didn't know. When he came round we talked a lot, about how he wanted me to be more independant, not talk so much about our future together, and that he agreed with Max when Max said I was clingy. But before he drove off he kissed me and told me he loved me. So I went home, feeling ok, and he rang me a couple of hours later to talk. Ended up telling me that to be brutally honest he didn't love me anymore, and I said so I'm coming to college single on Wednesday am I? He said yes, so I hung up on him, and started crying. That night was horrific, I couldn't sleep, and all I wanted was to wake up and find out it was a dream - I still do.
I saw him Wednesday, and he tried to hug me, but I didn't want to hug him, because I knew I would cry. And I told him not to because it didn't mean anything to him, and he said that it didn't not mean anything - i think he meant that it did mean something to him. Then he said that if we had been older he would probably have married me, so I walked off, because I was so confused.
Don't really know how to start, but over the Christmas holidays things had been kinda strained between us because I get really down when I don't get to see him (am seeing about getting counselling and being tested for depression), so when he rang up on Monday, I kinda freaked out as I asked him if he was coming round to dump me, and he said he didn't know. When he came round we talked a lot, about how he wanted me to be more independant, not talk so much about our future together, and that he agreed with Max when Max said I was clingy. But before he drove off he kissed me and told me he loved me. So I went home, feeling ok, and he rang me a couple of hours later to talk. Ended up telling me that to be brutally honest he didn't love me anymore, and I said so I'm coming to college single on Wednesday am I? He said yes, so I hung up on him, and started crying. That night was horrific, I couldn't sleep, and all I wanted was to wake up and find out it was a dream - I still do.
I saw him Wednesday, and he tried to hug me, but I didn't want to hug him, because I knew I would cry. And I told him not to because it didn't mean anything to him, and he said that it didn't not mean anything - i think he meant that it did mean something to him. Then he said that if we had been older he would probably have married me, so I walked off, because I was so confused.
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Story cntd:
About an hour later I was in Madisons when he turned up, and I left. Then I came back and said, d'you you still want to talk to me? So we went off to the church, and sat down, and he put his arm around me and told me that the last 2 days had been hell for him because he couldn't sleep, or eat, he kept being sick, and all he wanted was to ring me or text me because he missed me so much and he wanted to call me beautiful, like he always did, but he couldn't. So I said that I'd felt excatly the same, because I had, and I still do. He ended up by saying that he didn't know how he felt about me, but that he was scared of doing one of two things, 1) leaving it as it was, with us broken up, and him getting a few months down the line and realising he'd been a fool and really loved me or 2) getting back together with me, it not working, and me being hurt more. So he asked if i would go back out with him, and I said yes, but only if he promised he wouldn't tell me he loved me until he knew if he did.
So things were ok, and I was quite happy, until today when I saw him, and he didn't hug me until I asked him. And it was niggly things, like the fact he'd texted Becca (don't know if you know her - am pretty sure there's something going on between them - but I won't know til I'm supposedly over him) to say he was bored in lesson, when he always used to text me, and he'd changed the message on his phone, because I changed it to "i love u" and he'd changed it back to "yay!". So I asked him to talk to me outside and asked if we were ok, and he said he didn't know. He said that he didn't know how he loved me, whether as a best friend, or as a girlfriend/partner. So I walked with him to Health and Social, and he asked for a hug, but I was nearly crying, so I said no. And he said he'd tell me tomorrow he how felt about me, and I said no, I know you don't love me - I can see it in your eyes. And he started to say he had loved me, and I walked off. <
About an hour later I was in Madisons when he turned up, and I left. Then I came back and said, d'you you still want to talk to me? So we went off to the church, and sat down, and he put his arm around me and told me that the last 2 days had been hell for him because he couldn't sleep, or eat, he kept being sick, and all he wanted was to ring me or text me because he missed me so much and he wanted to call me beautiful, like he always did, but he couldn't. So I said that I'd felt excatly the same, because I had, and I still do. He ended up by saying that he didn't know how he felt about me, but that he was scared of doing one of two things, 1) leaving it as it was, with us broken up, and him getting a few months down the line and realising he'd been a fool and really loved me or 2) getting back together with me, it not working, and me being hurt more. So he asked if i would go back out with him, and I said yes, but only if he promised he wouldn't tell me he loved me until he knew if he did.
So things were ok, and I was quite happy, until today when I saw him, and he didn't hug me until I asked him. And it was niggly things, like the fact he'd texted Becca (don't know if you know her - am pretty sure there's something going on between them - but I won't know til I'm supposedly over him) to say he was bored in lesson, when he always used to text me, and he'd changed the message on his phone, because I changed it to "i love u" and he'd changed it back to "yay!". So I asked him to talk to me outside and asked if we were ok, and he said he didn't know. He said that he didn't know how he loved me, whether as a best friend, or as a girlfriend/partner. So I walked with him to Health and Social, and he asked for a hug, but I was nearly crying, so I said no. And he said he'd tell me tomorrow he how felt about me, and I said no, I know you don't love me - I can see it in your eyes. And he started to say he had loved me, and I walked off. <
I went to the King's Arms (local pub) and saw my ex-boyfriend Sam, the one who I essentially dumped to go out with Michael, and I said how sorry I was for the way I'd treated him when we'd broken up, and he said not to worry about it. Then I said that I was sorry Michael had tried to hit him on New Year's Eve, and he said that he wanted to hit Michael because he'd seen him getting close to a girl whose name he(Sam) didn't know, and he knew we were still together. I later found out that this girl was Becca. I went to the C.A (youth club). and said I was going to find Michael, and when I did I completely went off on one about Becca, and kept asking him if he was going to go out with her. Apparently he isn't, but I don't know at the moment. We've decided to be friends, basically I don't want to lose him from my life completely, so I'll settle for having him as a friend.
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Aww, thats horrible. i can't stand people who can't break up with people face to face because they are cowards!!
Do you have some girl-friends who you can hook up with and have a girly night?
If so i think you should get together and all watch girly films, and just have a good night!
Or go have some retail therapy and treat yourself, maybe get some nice bath stuff and have a night of pampering yourself!! i know it's hard to get over someone, just try and forget about them - if he had the nerve to break up with you like that you have to think that you dont deserve someone like that and you have to be strong and just think that you deserve someone much better!!
hope this might help you a little!
Emily xx
Do you have some girl-friends who you can hook up with and have a girly night?
If so i think you should get together and all watch girly films, and just have a good night!
Or go have some retail therapy and treat yourself, maybe get some nice bath stuff and have a night of pampering yourself!! i know it's hard to get over someone, just try and forget about them - if he had the nerve to break up with you like that you have to think that you dont deserve someone like that and you have to be strong and just think that you deserve someone much better!!
hope this might help you a little!
Emily xx
At the moment I feel awful. I'm still trying to get my head round what's happened. I can't stop crying, stop sleep, and I'm not hungry anymore. All that keeps going through my head is that I'll never kiss him, or share the same bed as him again, or have him tell me how loves me, and knowing that is killing me. I hate knowing that I'm going to have to be the dutiful best friend, and help him with his relationships, and I hate knowing that he's going to do the same things with them as he did with me, and knowing that hurts so much. I thought maybe one day we might get married, but we never will now, and though he says he'll always want me in his life, he's only ever going to love me as a friend. I hold out no realistic hopes of us getting back together (dreams don't count), no matter how many makeovers I have, or how much I try to make him fall in love with me, I just know I'm going to miss him so much. I now have to take all the things I have about him off, stuff like my myspace page, and my bebo, and my computer screensaver, it all has to change, and I don't know how to cope with doing all of this. He's been such a major part of my life for the last 6 months, and losing him hurts so much
I know this is a really long post, but it's a long story.
Sorry meant to say - Becca is a girl I am pretty sure fancies him, he goes out with her and her friend quite a lot, but he told me that he hasn't dumped me for her - I checked.
Any advice would be welcome, thank you
K x
I know this is a really long post, but it's a long story.
Sorry meant to say - Becca is a girl I am pretty sure fancies him, he goes out with her and her friend quite a lot, but he told me that he hasn't dumped me for her - I checked.
Any advice would be welcome, thank you
K x
sorry i answered and ddnt realise you'd added more underneath.
I definately think you shouldnt be friends with this lad, because that will only make it harder for you - you need to make a clean break and have a fresh start (sort of). Because if you are seeing him as a friend and if he gets a new girlfriend it will make you feel worse, so you dont want that to happen.
it will be hard but just try your best to get this lad out of your head.
x
I definately think you shouldnt be friends with this lad, because that will only make it harder for you - you need to make a clean break and have a fresh start (sort of). Because if you are seeing him as a friend and if he gets a new girlfriend it will make you feel worse, so you dont want that to happen.
it will be hard but just try your best to get this lad out of your head.
x
Thanks missjef, thing is at the moment, I want him as a friend because I can't have him any other way, and he keeps telling me how much he doesn't want to lose me from his life. And all that's keeping me going is knowing I still have an excuse to spend time with him, I know it's sad, but I don't want to lose him completely.
I have to say you are making it a hundred times harder for yourself by trying to be his friend. The only time it ever works with ex's being friends is when both of you want the relationship to end (as you are both in the same place).
You will not be able to be his friend until you are happy to see him with someone else (that is the way to know if you are over someone). Until you feel like that you need to get him out of your life.
I know it's difficult but i promise you that by this time next week, assuming you have no contact, you will already feel a hell of a lot better :-)
You will not be able to be his friend until you are happy to see him with someone else (that is the way to know if you are over someone). Until you feel like that you need to get him out of your life.
I know it's difficult but i promise you that by this time next week, assuming you have no contact, you will already feel a hell of a lot better :-)
I know how hurrendous it is, I really do, but i'm 26 now and have been through similar situations to this on a couple of occassions , you learn to become harder and enjoy doing your own thing and find out about yourself, however hard that seems at the moment, one day this will be a distant memory that you laugh about, although it does not seem like it now,x
Thanks for all your answers, I know they make a lot of sense, but at the moment I just want to be near him, I know it's not right, but knowing he still cares about makes me feel better, just now I'm starting to suffer from having no sleep for the last four days, have tried herbal sleeping tablets, and having long baths, but it's not my body that won't sleep - it's my mind, anyone have any tips?
Just make sure you carry on eating. If you are losing your appetite too much then have some complan or something. It's not ideal but it's better than no food at all.
Take some sleeping tablets too. You can buy some from boots.
I think you should talk to your GP. It does sound like you are depressed.
Take some sleeping tablets too. You can buy some from boots.
I think you should talk to your GP. It does sound like you are depressed.
do you have anyone you can talk to face to face? mother, father, sister, best friend?
i know youre hurting at the moment, but it sounds like he feels too young for commitments, let him go for now and spent some time with your girl friends. go and do some of things you did before you got together, remember to eat and if its getting too much for you to cope alone go and see your doctor.
i know youre hurting at the moment, but it sounds like he feels too young for commitments, let him go for now and spent some time with your girl friends. go and do some of things you did before you got together, remember to eat and if its getting too much for you to cope alone go and see your doctor.
You must talk to a family member, do not suffer in silence, I know how embarrasing it is to talk to your family at 17, but if there is anyone at all you can talk to you should. I know how hard this is, but you really will be ok and meet somebody better in the future, even though you cannot see it now. I did,x
This guy sounds immature as hell and has totally messed with your head. i was messed around a few years ago by a guy -but i was totally obssessed and no advice anyone gave me i would listen to - even though i wanted to do something to make the pain go away. i thought i was in love with him and was there every time he clicked his fingers, that was til i avoided seeing him for a while and realised he really wasn't that special - and to this day i know he is messing other girls around. don't give this guy this satisfaction. at the end of the day, you've gotta think about yourself in the long run. it seems this guy wants the best of both world and if he hasn't already realised how much of a tw*t he has been and that he isn't worthy of you, then he seriously needs a wake-up call! You need time apart, he needs time apart - to realise what you both want. People can change, but if he doesn't, then take some time out, get over him and find somebody that deserves to call you 'girlfriend'. Good Luck.x
Thanks for all your help guys, thought I should give you an update on what's been going on. On Friday, I got all upset, and ended up fainting, probably from stress and not eating, then that afternoon I went to go see a counsellour, who I cried at for nearly two hours and explained the whole story to. We talked, and the end conclusion was that I should learn to accept myself for the way I am, and be happy being me, and if a bonus of this is us two getting back together, then fine. This being said, I don't even know if I want him back at the moment, because a lot of sh*t has been said about him, and I don't trust him anymore. When I got home on Friday, I took down all the pictures of us, and put all the presents, letters, jewellry, and anything that reminded me of him, in a big box and put it on my wardrobe. I deleted all his texts, and haven't spoken to him since, every time I get the urge to , I text a friend instead. I went shopping yesterday, and bought some new clothes, mainly pretty tights and flirty tops, because I'm determined to go to college tomorrow, as a happy, flirty girl, and I want him to realise just what he's lost. It hurts when I think about him, but I'm throwing myself into doing other things, and have a lot set up to distract myself from him, it's only at night I get upset, because I can't control my dreams, grrr!
The only thing that really hurt yesterday was getting an acceptance letter from the university I really want to go to - Lancaster, and not being able to tell him, and that got me a little upset - but I didn't let myself cry.
I've written a list of resolutions, and I'm determined to be happy the way I am. So thank you all so much for helping me realise what a fool I've been, I still love him, but I think I'm starting to stop.
Will keep you all updated,
K x
The only thing that really hurt yesterday was getting an acceptance letter from the university I really want to go to - Lancaster, and not being able to tell him, and that got me a little upset - but I didn't let myself cry.
I've written a list of resolutions, and I'm determined to be happy the way I am. So thank you all so much for helping me realise what a fool I've been, I still love him, but I think I'm starting to stop.
Will keep you all updated,
K x
A long story. And a short answer.
You are 17. You may feel almost adult, but it takes many adults years to get to grips with their emotions when their love life is involved. Yours are still at a very real, but undeveloped stage, and first love always has its own special intensity. Give yourself some space to realise that life is still on the starting blocks for you and you will have many interesting and rewarding experiences ahead of you. But they may not all be with your first true love. We grow, we change and as our expectations develop, we often move on. It's a natural process and none of us can help it happening..
You are 17. You may feel almost adult, but it takes many adults years to get to grips with their emotions when their love life is involved. Yours are still at a very real, but undeveloped stage, and first love always has its own special intensity. Give yourself some space to realise that life is still on the starting blocks for you and you will have many interesting and rewarding experiences ahead of you. But they may not all be with your first true love. We grow, we change and as our expectations develop, we often move on. It's a natural process and none of us can help it happening..
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