Not sure about the "equal to murder" part. As Lutheran, we don't grade our sins. Sin is sin. It is one of the things I grapple with as a Christian: Being taught that all non-believers in Christ will go to hell. I also have a number of homosexual friends and according to the teachings of my church, that too is a sin. I have no answers.My one friend who is gay was raised by a VERY strict Born Again Christian mother. She sent him to "get straight" camps and such. He tried to kill himself as a teen. Their relationship is very strained. Christian or not, I could not torture my child that way.
I also have been taught tolerance and understanding. Most of all, as an individual, I have taken away from my upbringing is the respect of others. I question my faith and the teachings of my church. This is encouraged and I often get the "Bible says so" answer. However, I am not a sheep and have my own relationship with God/Christ.
Some people are very militant and intolerant. This is not the way I behave, nor have I been taught that behavior by the church.