Depression, I Can't Deal With This :/

[MrFoley]

I hate to bring my problems to the internet but I am really struggling dealing with depression! had a really s*hit childhood, was abused both sexually and physically by my step dad who is now in prison after being found guilty for doing it to me and his sisters daughter.

It ripped my family apart, my own mother and brothers no longer talk to me because they all think we both lied :/ it's ripped my life in shreds and I really can't take feeling like this any more, I am only 23...

I sit typing this with tears dropping down my face :/

[queenofmean]

Give the Samaritans a ring or an email. I sought help from them for a friend in a similar situation and they were brilliant.

As many have said, don't give up come back and talk to us and please see your GP again x

[gness]

Mr F...Please contact one of the organisations Headwreck and Maidup suggest. You have the abuse and the reaction of your family to deal with...that is bloody hard but don't feel guilty about your family...get help to make your own life. I did and it's the best thing I could have done. Let your family deal with their behaviour. Start tonight...you've spoken to us...I hope we help a little but you need professional help to get life back on track. You will, I know you will my love...but you can't do it alone. x

[Maydup]

.... the various organisations we've suggested understand what you have been through and how it feels to have your family turn their back on you. The GP is treating the depression but not the cause. You'll find anyone of them so much more useful. Good luck and keep in touch.

[susanxx]

All depression sufferers have different feelings, moods, and of course, the issues that lead to their depression. I was diaganosed at 20 and am still suffering 38 years later! Some learn to live with it and keep going but the dark clouds are always there, the issues never go away. You need to be able to speak with a counsellor, they help when you are talking but then you go away and its like nothing has changed until your next session. CBT did not help me either. One thing I did was to type out my life history as a diary on my computer, Going back as far as I could remember and putting events down did get some of my frustrations out but it did amount to over 200 pages and then my computer broke and all my work was lost! Story of my life. If you chose to try this, use the words you want to to express yourself, even if they are of the profane kind. I have been told to go to an Australian website called Moodgym. It seems to me that GP's are trying to save money by getting their patients to try and heal themselves and not referring for counselling. Having just moved house I've had to change doctors, now have a very understanding one but has referred me to a private counsellor for which I'm expected to pay £35 per hour! Can identify with the s**t childhood but my abuse was only verbal and mental. Some people find the Samaritans useful. I only hope you can get the support you need, not all doctors are helpful. Best wishes.

[MrFoley]

Sorry it's taken so long to reply, had to go take a walk. Thank you all for your kind suggestions and advice! it really does help knowing that there are people in the world today who actually care.

I will give most of the advice a shot and will also go see my GP and have a chat with him...I will keep posting on this

Thank you all, for the very bottom of my heart ! :)

[Mattk]

My wife had quite severe depression so we went to the GP. He was inspirational in opening our eyes to what was happening...or so I thought as the next time we visited we got the identical story to the one we had before. They just put you on bog standard medication which did not work for my wife.

You need to get your case escalated to a proper psychiatrist. After my wife was paid a home visit and her meds changed she is almost (not quite) back to how she was.

[gness]

Well you're making a start MrF and that's good. You will get help, just keep asking. A pain I know but we help ourselves too. You've a lot of support here so come back and talk to us if it helps.
I'll be thinking of you now and wishing well for you and who knows...our paths may cross in Lisdoonvarna next year...If your path crosses with Headwreck take care...the woman's as mad as a box of frogs. ;-)
Seriously now, look after yourself young man.......Love Gx

[TheHangman]

MrFoley this might sound a bit daft but consider getting a dog. firstly they are good company they never ask questions they are extremely loyal and fun.
secondly they need looking after it gives you a responsibility it gives you a meaning.

[Canary42]

MrFoley, your stepfather's activity must have come as a great shock to your siblings, and a classic reaction to severe shock (as with bereavements for example) is denial.

It is very sad in this case, because the effect on you is so devastating just when you need most support. I hope that the outpouring of support that you have received on this thread in just an hour goes some way to help your recovery - we all believe you and will give whatever support we can - I hope that by trying the recommendations you have received here you begin to turn things round - and don't forget, people here aren't just walking away after responding, they want to continue to support and help you in any way possible.

Good luck !

[gness]

Goodnight now MrF and please keep what Canary said in mind.... xx

And Headwreck's lovely by the way.....x

[seekeerz]

I'm so saddened by your predicament, MrFoley - please try to take some of the suggestions on board if you can, you've made such a great start by sharing your pain with everyone here and we're always here, which is a comforting thought, even in the wee small hours when things seem bleak - all the best xx

[Mosaic]

MrF, hope this morning finds you less low. In addition to all the excellent advice above, just a few from experience: not all families are nice. we are sold a myth that family is brilliant, will never let you down etc etc. It's a bastard myth. Many families are nice, but there are plenty who aren't. You and I were dealt the latter by fate.
When you find people you can talk to in confidence regularly about your feelings, you'll eventually come to realise that you were the innocent bystander that got caught up in the mayhem wrought by family. You did not cause it and you aren't responsible for their reactions. So they need to be left to deal with life in their own ways.
You have given your birth family your best shot, and in getting better you might find that not seeking their approval or company works better for you. As you progress through life you come across people you like, and who like you, and these become your real family.
So hopefully today will be day 1 of a new outlook, with the new outward-facing MrF taking the time he deserves to sort his head and heart out with lots of help and support, chemical, psychological, and through proper friends.
That remark of Hangman's about a dog is actually very important: something other than the self that requires care and attention is a great distraction, and while the hands are distracted the subconscious sorts through the serious stuff on its own.
Other approaches might included joining a class to do something that interests you - might be art or kick-boxing, but it gives an alternative focus that means you aren't sat alone being unhappy.
Let us know how you're getting on, allow yourself to be sad and mourn the rotten experiences but then let the mourning pass and be replaced by feeling better.

[karenmac60]

MrF, try these people. Although they are based in Scotland, you don't have to be, and they are aimed specifically at helping young men. I have known people who have had great help from them. Good luck x

http://www.breathingspacescotland.co.uk/bspace/controller?p_service=Content.show&;p_applic=CCC&pContentID=133