Best One Liners

[Bazile]

Are you or have you ever been a practicing homosexual ?

What , with my feet ?

-----------------

Can you fill that bottle .
What , from here ?

[nungate]

Blazing saddles!

That is not my froggie!

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

I don't like hedgehogs...why should they get all the hedge?

[nungate]

I used to be Snow White but I drifted

[atalanta]

The Honourable Member is indebted to his memory for his jokes, and to his imagination for his facts.

[Baldric]

I studied Maritime Navigation at Uni.
I got 7 C's

[jno]

"At least it's comfortable on Eurostar, it's murder on the Orient Express"

© T Vine

l

[cupid04]

Basil, if you're going to grope the guests at least have the courtesy to stay in the same room.

[Baldric]

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today.
I can’t remember his name,
it’s P something T something R

[Wharton]

I told everyone I was going to become a comedian and they all laughed. They're not laughing now.

Bob Monkhouse

[Baldric]

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes

[Baldric]

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

[jno]

'I was thrown out of NYU for cheating on my Metaphysics final. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.'

- AS Konigsberg

[Baldric]

I should’ve known it was never going to work out between my ex-wife and myself, after all, I’m a Cancerian and she was a bitch.

[baza]

if you think sex is a pain in the a**e then you are doing it wrong.
Gents toilet wall at a pub in Norfolk.

[Canary42]

////Any more beans Mr Taggart Reply Don' tyou thnk you had enough
Did Magna Carta die in vain-
You can't fight in here ,this is the war room-
Don't keep calling me Shirley
We don't want any stinking medals
Well nobody's perfect
Is that Room service "Can you send me up a bigger room"
Telegram for Mongo

Where did all these come from? ///

The Shirley one is Airplane I think, and the "nobody's perfect" one is the closing line of Some Like It Hot