Step Families - Advice Needed Please

[kat2206]

My OH youngest daughter hates me (with a passion). She doesnt live with us but is going to my OH brothers house at the weekend to spend a few days with him, she has asked if my OH can go up for the day and see her, he has asked me to take the day off and go with him as he would like me to be there too, knwoing full well what she thinks of but (in his words) she's got to get over it that we are together, have been for 6 years and she isnt going to split us up no matter how hard she tries (and boy howdy has she tried!!).. shes 16.

I have taken the day off work and he has told her.... all hell has broken loose... she has gone off her rocker. So I have said, so that he can see her I will back down and not go but he is adamant that she is not going to get her own way by throwing a paddy and he wants me to be there, which is lovely of him, but she is now saying/threatening that she wont even go to her uncles for those few days as SHE (i.e me) will be there.

What to do?

[ummmm]

I just wouldn't go.

[milly143]

Is there a reason she doesn't like you?

Sounds like she's being a bit of a spolt brat to be honest and needs to learn you're sticking around. I would just go and if she decides not then that's her problem.

[bondgirl007]

I no from experience it can be hard as a kid to se ure mum/dad with another person, if i was u i would go and stand ure ground, she will soon grow up and understand that she cant have everything her own way and that her dad has found someone else

[ummmm]

After 6 years?

I would have gave up a long time ago.

[berniecuddles]

sounds a selfish cow don't bother, let her get on with it!!!

[kat2206]

I could absolutely understand it if I done something/said something nasty to her but I haven't, at all. We get married (Other Half and I) next year and he wants her to be one of my bridesmaids, I dont think thats going to happen anytime soon if she cant bear being in the same room as me!

[bondgirl007]

u cant just give up though kat, you and her dad have a life together she might not like it but its tough

[milly143]

Give up and the stroppy teenager wins.

I was once that stroppy teenager who hated my stepdad with a passion. I got over myself in the end though.

[ummmm]

I wouldn't have her as a bridesmaid.

What does her mother say about the situation. I wouldn't allow my children to treat anyone like that.

[kat2206]

Thing I dont mind not going so he can have some quality time with her but he wants to show her that we are strong together and she will not break that tie between us and he has said, himself, that she will have to get over it but it doesnt look as if its going to be anytime soon though.

[kat2206]

Her mother eggs her on as she doesnt like me nor her ex husband very much anyway so she's not losing anything with fueling this fire.

[bondgirl007]

thats terrible that her mother is egging her on no wonder shes acting the way she is, i think u should do what ure OH says be strong together :)

[ummmm]

You're probably fighting a losing battle then. For the next few years at least.

[supersuezy24]

I know this isn't answering your question but shouldn't you get to decide who your brridesmaids will be?? I certainly would not want her being my bridesmaid if I was in your situation.

[milly143]

Your question suggests he has other children. How are they with you?

[mazie]

I agree with ummmm on this one. My own daughter hated me at that age (well she was always telling me she did when she couldn't get her own way!). Give her some space and she'll eventually come round. The more her Dad pushes you in her face the worse it's going to be. Good luck with it all x

[Barmaid]

Kat2206, I can't offer much in the way of advice but your situation mirrors mine. You have my sincere sympathy.

Teenagers are a particularly unpleasant breed who go to defcon 4 for no reason whatsoever. I personally wouldn't back down - although as someone said to me recently (quite wisely), "learn to choose your battles".

Try this link:- http://www.beingastepparent.co.uk/

[kat2206]

@ Milly - Yes he has another daughter, she is nearly 18yr old. We have had our issues but no where to this magnitude and we get on ok now..
In fact, she called me this morning to tell me her A Level results so I was well chuffed that she thought to call me, v proud of her.

[notasyoungasiwas]

kat I personally think she will grow out of it eventually, probably when she falls in love herself and may even realise what a cow she was. At least you've got your OH's backing, so that will make it easier until she grows up! I agree with ummmm though, I just wouldn't go.

(Can I just ask bernie a question if he's still on - how is your fish?)