holidaying on his own

[suzie1]

my husband of 6 years has been going on holiday to corfu greece, every year for two weeks alone(thats what he says) he never takes me and the kids, coz he says he needs 'time alone' and never goes out normally and treats himself to a break once a year instead. He also claims that the kids are too small to go too far and he doesnt even take us inland. kids are 4 and 2. im confused as he is always at home, if not at work, he drives a taxi and works friday and saturday nights, so i cant really think that he would have someone else as when would he see her. I love him dearly, but i cannot understand why he wont take us away and what the real reason behind this is......what is corfu in greece like.....he stays at the kerkyra golf hotel in alykes......what do you people think about this, also he ahs asked me to take a loan in my name for 30grand coz he wants to invest in shares and gov bonds, i agreed, coz i dont want to not be supportive to him........

[NoMercy]

Suzie... I would have no objection to letting him have a holiday with his mates, golfing, skiing, doing whatever.... so long as he took me and the kids away TOO...

If he only has ONE holiday per annum, he shouldn't disclude you and the kids.

[suzie1]

i am so low at the moment, i just cant explain my life is getting me down

[albaqwerty]

been reading this thread. You're low because of the anchor around your neck girl. Get rid. Change the locks whilst he's away on his jaunt and forget to tell him you had to get the locksmith out cos you lost the keys.
GO SEE A LAWYER
It's mental cruelty.

[karenmac60]

It is to be expected that you would be low, your body is going through a lot, you are full of hormones and you are grieving! The man is a pig if he cannot support you at this time, especially given your history with depression. You are the one who should be having a holiday, he should be taking you somewhere and pampering you, making you feel special and loved. You deserve more than this! Have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? I really think you need more support than you are getting.

[cazzz1975]

you have to be brutally honest about the situation suzie, I have not seen one person reply in favour of your husbands actions, what does that tell you? I am not surprised you are down, think of your children, they will grow up with no self esteem as well. they will pick it up from you. you have to think of you and the kids now, do what is best for you and them. dont think you are not strong enough either, you have been mentally crushed, but you can turn the situation around. Life for you and your children (who will be affected) will carry on this way for as long as you let it happen.

[tamborine]

suzie1....most young mums feel like you occasionally. It's the responsibility of dependant kids and people's expectation that you cope.

Organise your hubby to have 'quality time' with his kids. Leave them with him while you shop (excuse) and get back some freedom of self.

It's hard being a mum - lots of us have been thru same. Kids do grow up & leave home.....eventually ;)

[suzie1]

my kids are little princesses, i have no problems with them, but i dont have any time alone or with him as a couple...........and then he goes and does these things that just make it worse for me in how i feel, he just got back in and i let rip at him, but he snapped back and went upstairs, he said he was at his mates place down the road, but i was just getting my coat to go and check, he came back before i could get out

[NoMercy]

Suzie... Cazz is right about what she says regarding your kids. My brother was brought up by my grandparents, and grew up witnessing my grandfather treat my grandmother like she was a piece of filth. Consequently, he reached adulthood thinking that women were second-class citizens who should speak only when spoken to. He used to talk down to his girlfriend and treat her like a slave. She eventually left him and his ego could not stand it. After 4 months of erratic behaviour, he took his own life. I blame my pig of a grandfather, and always will.

[Captin Kirk]

"30grand coz he wants to invest in shares and gov bonds"

I'm no financial wiz but how long will the loan take to pay off as the interest on £30,000 will be considerable over time and may outweigh any gains made from these risks.

Also will the loan be secured against the marital home? The last you want is to lose that as well.

[suzie1]

if i leave him, i dont have anywhere to go

[sara3]

suzie, you can't go out at night to look for him when you have 2 small children at home.

what is there about him that you like?

[cazzz1975]

yes there are suzie, I lived a good portion of my childhood living in hostels, away from the tense atmosphere and the arguments I was actually a lot happier

[suzie1]

would the council give me a place, even if i own half of this house? im considering puttinf my name down for a house or flat anything that will make me happy with the kids

[karenmac60]

As far as I know, since it is the marital home and you have children, it is him who will have to go. The children are seen as the most important factor and they will not be thrown out of their own home. I left my husband 11 years ago when my daughter was only 2 (I had a small flat I could go to and it was near my parents, so easier for me to leave). It took me over a year to get the courage to do it. I was suffering from depression at the time and thought I wasn't capable of looking after myself, let alone my daughter - something my husband constantly reinforced. But I did it, and I ended up having a much better relationship with my daughter and eventually meeting a man who appreciates and supports me. I won't pretend it was easy, but when I look at my life then and now I am so much happier and would do the same again.

[tamborine]

suzie1.....make 2 lists. One for the good side of marriage and t'other for bad. Follow the list with highest points.

n.b. Divorce, separation could be just another added pain that you don't need. Kids will remonstrate once they're removed from their dad. Family & friends take sides etc & if you're the cause of the break-up you will be hit by the bricks. Stick it out, find the good points (kids) and see them as your achievement.

[suzie1]

tamb- do you mean i should try and make things work with him? the kids are my priority and if im happy, my kids are too, they also love their daddy, and thier eyes light up when he enters the house, i dont want to leave, but im very unhappy with him, i love him, but thats all. i know i would miss being around him if i left or threw him out.hes not a bad person in personality..if you know what i mean, its just the holidays and the loan that is getting to me.........if these issues would go away, i would be happy, i have been depressed for 11 years now and started cutting myself at the age of 16 and i stopped doing that a year or so ago, i get bad days when i just want to cry and cry and cry, and i get very stroppy...my gp is a stupid insensitive person who just mocks me

[suzie1]

so i dont feel happy going to see him

[albaqwerty]

first things first, change your gp.

[karenmac60]

If your surgery has more than one GP then you can go see another - or change surgeries. I found female drs were always more sympathetic to my depression, and finding the right one, who you can trust, can make all the difference. I really think you should see someone, then make any big decisions once you are feeling a bit more positive. At the moment you don't seem to be able to see the positives in either scenario, so it's impossible for you to decide what to do. Take some time and concentrate on getting yourself well, and if you realise you can only do that without your husband, then work out what you need to do to make that happen.

[NoMercy]

Suzie... you sound like a decent, integral person, and a good mum. NOW is the time to change things for the better. I'm sorry, but your husband sounds like a self-centred sh!tbag. Get rid, is my advice. The best thing you can do is go to your local Citizens' Advice Bureau and see where you stand financially, legally, etc.

Good luck xx