Family Dilemma

[hammerman]

15 year old daughter...lovely kid, very proud of her. Her grandparents paid to take her to Crete when she finishes school...last week june just for the week but in a 5* all inclusive hotel. She would be accompanied by my parents and my aunt.

No probs there...she loves her grandparents.

The problem is, her leaving school prom is smack in the middle of the holiday. She's waited 5 long years for this and all her friends are now talking about which limo they're hiring, what dress they're wearing etc etc and my daughter is devastated.

Do i risk the wrath of my parents....we'd pay them back every penny they lose or tell her to stop being a spoilt brat (which she's not by the way) and go on the holiday

Heeeeeelllllllllppppppp !!!!

[gness]

Sod's Law isn't it, Hammerman.

In your shoes it would be the Prom for my daughter if that is what she truly wants.
If your parents love your daughter enough to be treating her then they surely love her enough to want her to be happy....and whatever anyone says about not letting her do what she wants to I doubt very much that your daughter has been brought up to behave like that all the time.....this is a big one off. The Prom to share with the people who have been a part of her life for a long time.

Yes it is an American import...so what? I love to see the youngsters dressing up for the Prom....they look wonderful.

Your parents won't be loosing out financially and there will be so many more opportunities for them to do things with your daughter.

I have two fantastic adult children.....I loved them and loved to see them happy. I can't think what I would have gained by forcing them...or even persuading them go on a holiday and missing a one off like this.....if they had their heart set on it.

I hope it works out happily for you all......x

[black_cat51]

hmm what a dilemma. is she an "add on" to the holiday? ie would they be going even if she wasn't?

[Kassee]

Let her do whatever she wants to, if the Prom is that important to her, then let her go to it. She wont have another chance. The holiday sounds great but kids of her age, prefer being with friends there own age.

I am sure that her grandparents/aunt wont mind too much, they have all been young once. Its a shame you didn't check the dates beforehand.

[DaisyNonna]

Oh squad! Have you forgotten how it was to be young? Not a case of owing anything. A chance to be happy.

[nennyc]

I went to my prom 5years ago and it was definitely over rated! I did love dress shopping and wearing a fancy dress but it was just really a below average night. All my friend agreed and my younger brother had his last year and thought the same. I'd much rather have gone on holiday and created more lovely memories with my grandparents.
Not sure if I think this on hindsight though. Understand your daughter has been waiting all senior school for this (I did!) So not sure what I would have actually picked at the time but she probably would have a better time on holiday than prom. As it's booked is encourage her to go on holiday. Maybe buy her a really nice dress to wear on holiday so she can go dress shopping? That was probably my favourite part x

[Rosetta]

I wouid go for mamya's suggestion of a family meeting with your daughter having the casting vote, (if this can be agreed with family beforehand to prevent a major arguement on the night). At 15 she is well able to think this through and make her own choice. It also avoids a sulky resentful teenager, particularly as she has exams leading up to the event/ holiday

[hammerman]

Thank you so much for all the replies.

We've decided that daughter is to go to the prom. If my parents can't move the holiday, they can still go if they want and we'll pay for the loss.

Im off to tell them today, not looking forward to this one. Wish me luck and thanks again.

[Sqad]

DaisyNonna

\\\\Oh squad! Have you forgotten how it was to be young? Not a case of owing anything. A chance to be happy.\\\

If i might respond to your post Daisy......."a chance to be happy?"

When I was 15 years of age, I had never heard of the "proms" or a "5*hotel", completely out of our understanding.....but we were happy.

I was 30 years of age before I had a hotel holiday and that was at best a 1* hotel, queuing up in the morning for bread , marmalade and tea or coffee......... but we were happy.

The thought of having a choice between an "grand dance" and a 5* holiday was totally inconceivable..........but we were happy.

This brings to mind a thread on News over the weekend comparing the changing face of Britain and i feel that this thread highlights, the change of post WW2 Britain and that of today.

I do suspect that hammerman had already made up hid mind and the thread,filled with female input, would make him feel better in telling the grandparents of his decision.

Our expectations were different from the youth of today and our choices limited......but we "seemed" to be ...happy.

[belrec]

While all the above comments are valid, I feel you could help her grow up a bit.

She is nearly an adult talk to her about it and try to help her find out whcih she really wants to do, then get her to tell the Grandparents if she decides to stay home.

This is a very tricky situation for you good luck.

Plus explore all the holiday options too :-)

[jomifl]

Waiting for 5 years? surely not.

[jomifl]

Just get her to explain to the grandparents, she has to be mature enough to make her own decision and negociate herself.

[whiskeryron]

Very splendidly put Sqad, I agree entirely with your comments, all this talk about 'Proms', we never had anything like it in my days & we were lucky to get a week at the seaside in a NO* boarding house.

WR.

[cassa333]

I think it is for your daughter to tell the grandparents she prefers to go to an overated party than holiday with them.

She is old enough to take responsibility for her self now.

Something along the lines of 'Granny, Grandad you know I love you and really appreciate the fact you have paid for me to go on holiday with you. And I do appreciate that you booked and paid for it before the prom was organised but I want to go to the overated party more than on holiday with you.

Can you please postpone the holiday so that I can go to the overated party or go without me please, please pleeeeaaasssse. I want to be with my friend so much more than you. Pleeeaaasse?

[horseshoes]

I also agree that she should be the one discussing it with her grandparents. ( with you along for moral support perhaps). I think that's the "grown-up" thing to do,

[tamborine]

d'ters holiday selfies will outshine prom selfies on FB.

[woofgang]

Its not right for us to judge whether or not the party is overrated....and I don't think its fair to guilt trip her either. She's 15, she's a child. I think Mamya's sit down round table discussion is the best way forward. personally i think if your daughter wants the Prom then that's her choice and that's fair enough...i don't think that's being spoilt. She didn't ask to be bought a splendid holiday even though its a lovely thought of your parents.
Hopefully your parents will be grown up about this....after all they are the grown ups :)

[gness]

Excellent post Woof.......nicely put.

Thank god we're not all of the ...."in my day" grumpy brigade....my children would have been a long time waiting to see a toilet let alone an inside one....☺

[Connemmara]

if nobody has suggested this - let grandparents and let daughter go to the prom - itsn't really the exact prom - it's the excitement her friends etc.

grandparents fly out - daughter a cuppla days after - just her flight to change. all done and dusted. aren't they going for six months

[Connemmara]

sorry hammerman - it is only for a week. not 6 months. perhaps even at that - could the wee daughter fly out next or after. young ones idolise their peers and their mobiles lol