Help needed

[chelsea_girl]

This morning I got up to find a £5 note missing from my table in my lounge. My husband and daughter were with me, and I asked them, and neither of them had taken it. My husband went bed last night leaving my 17 year old son in the room. I went to my son and made him empty his pockets. He emptied them, still maintaining he didnt take it, and if it was in his pocket, he didnt put it there. After he emptied his pockets, I went through his pockets and the £5 was there. He has now admitted to taking it, but said he was going to give it back. This is not the first time, but I dont want it to happen again. Not sure how to deal with this.

[friedgreentomato]

You need to find out why he took it - at 17 he is old enough to know the penalities of stealing.

How strict are you? - Ground him or take away something that matters to him for a period of time.

He needs to know what he did is wrong.

[excelsior-1]

not to mention lying about it too.
what else is he lying to you about?

[DTCwordfan]

More than old enough, do what fgt suggests - make it clear that you will report it to the police next time.....but first you need to get to the bottom of it as to why and this means not immediately going off the deep end.

And make sure you keep your cash somewhere safer, well hidden in your bedroom.

[Sqad]

There is very little that you can do to a 17year old and it "may" be the first time he has stolen.

Of course he will lie.....wouldn't you in the same circumstances?

I would treat it as a "one off" but keep an eye on things in the future.

Don't, at this stage, make a "song and dance about it.

[friedgreentomato]

Sqad the OP states that this is not the first time.

How long should she leave it before 'making a song and dance'?

[grasscarp]

Is he short of money. If he needs money and is not being given enough and/or is not earning anything then he might be unable to resist taking something left lying on the table that he thought nobody would notice. I think rather than coming down heavily on him that the cause needs to be looked at.

[Sqad]

Helen

\\\\\Sqad the OP states that this is not the first time\\\

Quite correct....I stand corrected.

\\\\How long should she leave it before 'making a song and dance'?\\\

That depends upon what song and which dance you have in mind. We don't really know, whether this is the second third or even fourth time.
I think that if there has been multiple events, then I would agree with the post of DT.

[murraymints]

I would make him do chores around the house as a penalty..the reeeeely 'orrid ones....and...do not leave cash lying around in future if you think it is a temptation..he will grow out of this..

[Canary42]

Did he give it back on previous occasion(s)?

If he did then there's really not much of a problem.

If he didn't, then he's lying again (but then he would, wouldn't he) and you need to follow DT's advice.

[abstibus]

Could I suggest that you make him meet quite formally with you, your daughter and your husband?
He should be asked, calmly, to explain what his motives were in taking the money and then lying about it.
Your husband and daughter should be given the opportunity to explain how they felt when you asked them about the missing money.
You should have the opportunity to say how betrayed you felt.
This might be warning enough.

[robert551069]

Until the problem is sorted I would suggest that you do not leave money lying around and keep your money and valuables with you at all times.

[Le Chat]

After my son (16) pinched £15 of his younger brother's cash, which I had put in a cupboard, I make sure I never leave any money around and keep my handbag either hidden or with me.
I cannot face the horrific feeling of opening up my purse and finding money missing.
As someone who has never pinched a thing in their life, I find this utterly sickening and I know how you must feel.

[JustJenni]

My younger brother stole things from my parents house, its was small bits of money, tobacca pouch would disappeared and i had a game or 2 disappear out of my bedroom and he was never punished for it, he didnt have anything taken away or really made to own up to his actions and continiously lied about taking things and now hes a total waste of space, address it now and find out why he took it chances are he thought he could get away with it and you'd never fuiind out but in the case of my brother little things turned into bigger things and now he just sits in his room all day swearing at his xbox and not a thing is done about it because my parents cant talk about it rationally.
Good luck and hopefully hes got sense in him not to do it again.

[Ann]

Blessing - We don't give our personal details away on this site especially as a new poster, its a bit of a risk, as we wouldn't know who we were emailing.

[Ann]

Someone else thought the same as me and the post was removed I see.