are all teenagers utterlly filthy?!

[Snafu03]

i know teenagers have a habit of lax hygene and tidyness but i find my step-daughters minging behaviour beyond acceptable standards.

like me when i was 15 its messy bedrooms, leaving clothes draped around, leaving cups out etc.

her bedroom is often festooned with various cups displaying levels of bacterial growth etc. but what i witnessed yesterday was period stained pants discarded on the bedroom floor, a couple of pairs. often used tampons will be rolled up in their packaging and left of the toilet cistern. maybe its my fault because i chucked the bin out of the bathroom long ago.

does anyelse witness this level of filthyness? she's in her last year at school, takes no pride in her appearance and has always been lazy/dirty.

[mike11111]

I'm quite surprised to read this. I thought it was only teenage boys whose bedrooms were like pigsties. Come on, you young lads, next time your mother nags you to tidy your bedroom, show her this thread and give her a sense of proportion.

[Sqad]

Discipline....that is what it is all about and that lesson starts well before they are teenagers.

Dnafu03..........bit late now.

[cazzz1975]

simple, remove wi-fi adapter or mobile phone until room is clean, repeat daily.

[jaydah]

Why are you in her bedroom, that's her space and your wife's place to deal with.

[mollykins]

My room is messy and there's clean clothes that are piled up on my desk but nothing unhygienic like what you mention, it sounds grose!

[nennyc]

I'm 17 and I'm quite messy and I'll admit I'm lazy aswell.
My bedroom is sometimes messy but I never have it unclean & dirty.. just stuff laying around and that.
The period stuff is the worst! I always put my stuff in the outside bin straight away.
Though I'm really messy I try keep my room as tidy as possible as my mam doesnt give me any money if it's not tidy. If I dont bring my washing down when my mam has asked I have to wash it myself or wait till the next morning (as a teenage girl I'd rather die than go out wearing dirty/last weeks clothes! haha) if I dont put my clothes away after they've been washed/ironed I have to iron them myself
I keep my room tidy so that my friends can come round. If my room isn't tidy my mam doesnt even have to say they arn't allowed as I'd be to ashamed to take them upstairs!
I have been to someones house that sounds nearly as bad, it stank and was horrible picking my way across the room. She was so ashamed that no one had anywhere to sit (or wanted to sit down!) that the next time I went round (after a time of putting it off!!) It was spotless!

[benny3008]

No!

[Answerprancer]

Sounds like low self esteem to me - maybe time for a bit of tlc and some positive affirmations - chuck a few compliments her way, that kind of thing.

[boxtops]

Aren't tampons still fushable? not sure therefore why they are lying around anyway and not just going straight down the loo? Sanitary bags would at least be one way out of this. I remember acute embarrassment in my teens (pre-tampon days) when I used to have to put soiled towels on the fire (god knows why but that was what I was told to do) and being mortified that my dad might see them.

[Snafu03]

'Why are you in her bedroom, that's her space and your wife's place to deal with'

Because she's havng to share with her 5 year old sister for a few months and I usually do bedtime routine. I think I explained that in a previous post.

I think AP has hit the nail on the head, low self esteem. She cares nothing for her appearance - never has done. Most unusual for a girl of her age. Having said that she's not short of affection or attention (from her mum) She doesnt seek or show any interest in any kind of emotional relationship with me. She has a dad and its not me, thats the way its been from day one and I've always been kept at arms length. As long as she's happy her mum doesnt seem to have any input in this. Its just the way its been.

[B00]

If it helps any, she will grow out of it!

my eldest daughter (now 22 and living elsewhere- Thank God!) was exactly the same. The things I found in her bedroom and scattered around the bathroom, yep, includes sanitary products, still makes me heave. God the rows it caused!

she now lives on her own, and her house is spotless, cleaner than mine infact...lol

[zzxxee]

is she going through some kind of turmoil? maybe some traumatic experience? do you think to make her give up on herself. Yes its vile but sometimes we need to look at the bigger picture x

[NoMercy]

There's untidy (superficially) and then there's unclean.

Does she ever bring mates home with her, or go to friends houses after school or at weekends?

[zzxxee]

if its just a case of shes a dirty cow take pictures and post them onto her you tube account!!!

[Snafu03]

thanks boo! i was beginning to think we were the only household in the uk to display such levels of mingingness!

i'm 100% sure she's not going through anything that doesnt go with the territory of being 15. she's not having a hard time at school or home.

tbh the whole family are a pretty untidy breed, her mum, grandma -the whole lot. that kind of behaviour rubs off. i struggle with it, i cant live like it.

[andy-hughes]

As a father of step-daughters, I know how difficult they can be.

i think you should try to make more of an effort to build a relationship with your daughter (I have no time for the 'step' tage - they have a 'father', but I was always their Dad, an important distinction).

If you have a daughter with her mum, that can - and probably has, made her feel pushed out, as evidenced by her lack of personal pride. She may be unable to articulate her feelings of being less worthy of love and affection, and so manifests them, with the unpleasant behaviour you have outlined.

Why not try and taker her out - just the two of you, maybe to the pics or for a pizza - so she has some individual attention. Small children can be demanding of attention, which can be misinterpereted by sensitive teenagers, so try and redress the attention balance, and ensure your wife does as well.

Some regular affirmation of love and affection will start to build her confidence.

Get laundry and waste baskets for bedroom and bathroom - basic with teenagers in the house.

Buy her something new to wear, and when she puts it on, make a big fuss about how nice she looks - it may feel OTT to you, but it's what teenagers need - something to counteract those horrible feelings of insecurity and paranoia.

It takes time and patience - but it will work - trust me, I know!

[babybop6379]

my daughter is 12!!!! ive prettymuch had the same thing including stained pants, rolled up towels, yesterday i went in there and found 2 lots of sandwiches that were for her lunch all mouldy and gross!!!! her appearence is bordering on dirty and there is a slight smell on her which she just covers up with perfume!!!!! i have shouted at her, took all her stuff away, moved bedrooms so she has more space, given her a place for everything to go in, Ive even insulted her and said that kids in school would be a lot crueler, and i still cant understand why she does it!!!! i asked yesterday for her to tidy her room and its all just shoved under the bed!!!! ive spoken to my mum about it but all i get is " I knew someone like that"!!! i was no where near that bad!!!! in school she is polite helpful and tidy????? I DONT GET IT!!!!!! lol

[TTG]

No. My brothers and me were taught tidiness from a very early age. Anything not put away or in a mess ended up in the "black sack" as my parents put it. We were very tidy after that!

[zzxxee]

its a teen thing their bodies change at a pace they dont like and although the change to adulthood on a physical level is there, mentally they are still children.
Trying to tell them to wash more often ect may seem like an insult to them so they rebel !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whilst minging i know it doesnt last forever and as long as rats are not infesting the place a few dirty clothes on the floor wont turn their bedroom into a chemical warfare zone
A bit of give and take .

[B00]

There's nowt to get, and the rest of you are over analysing it to be blunt.

She's a teen, and some teens are just filthy critters. All the whinging whining, rows and family ructions won't help either, as far as they're concerned it goes in one ear and out the other, basically they see your lips move but it aint computing.

all you can do Snafu, is put bins upstairs and hope and pray she uses them- either that or move out ;-)

Like i said, she will eventually grow out of it, may I suggest prozac? It'll help you get through most of those wondrous teen moments, of which sadly, you've many many many more to come, each one more horrific than the last.

I paint a pretty picture don't i? ;-)