Advice needed please in The AnswerBank: Relationships & Dating

Advice needed please

I was at my friends house the other night and briefly met his flatmate before she went out. A group of us then went out and got quite drunk and later went back to his. She arrived home an hour later, barged into the bathroom and caught me doing a few lines of coke. she said she was sorry and quickly shut the door. i then went back into the lounge (where she was now sitting with my friends) and carried on drinking. it was pretty awkward but i spoke to her later on and she said she wouldnt say anything to my friend, who is VERY anti drugs and would probably never speak to me again.
later on, they were talking about a man, though only referred to him by his first name. I piped up "is that so-and-so" and she said it was and asked if i knew him. i said i did and she asked why i'd said that with a smile on my face. i replied that i knew him "very well indeed" and that i'd had a fling with him. she then told me he was her boyfriend!!! i tried to back peddle and said it was about 6 years ago and wasn't anything serious as i was married, so it was an affair. she then said they'd been together for over 13 years and became quite hostile towards me.
my friend said we should leave it and talk about it in the morning but i ended up falling asleep in his room (nothing happened!) i saw her in the morning when i left and tried to apologise, but she just blanked me. i then discovered later on that she's added my husband as a friend on facebook, even though he says he doesnt know her.
i'm now really worried that she is going to a, tell my husband where i was all night and b, tell my friend i was snorting coke in his bathroom. i dont know what to do for the best, try and speak to her or just avoid her altogether?

15:35 Mon 07th Feb 2011

redcrx

why would anyone tell someone they just met that theyd had an affair anyway?
all you can do is wait and see what happens

lotsafun

play with fire and you will get burnt. You have 2 options here. come clean to your husband before she tells all or deny deny deny.

Mosaic

No Lotsafun - there is the third way ie sell the rights for screenplay and do it all over again!

sara3

I got lost at the end of episode one..

candy_hearts

Question Author

Apologies for not coming back sooner.
i understand what most of you are saying and of course i understand that having an affair was a terrible terrible thing. i don't just care about myself either, of course i care about how my husband will feel when or if he finds out.
i WAS discrete when doing what i did. i did it in a bathroom, out of sight of anyone else. i was quite drunk at the time so not sure what happened with the lock on the door, but it's not as if i intentionally left the door wide open out of disrespect for my friend.
anyway, he's not speaking to me now. i've tried to call and text him but he's not responding. she's obviously told him what she saw, but i realise that's my own fault. (even though i think what i do is my choice and he shouldnt judge our friendship on this!)
as for the woman, he's deleted her from his facebook and i've told him i know of her and she's a bit mental. he's now blocked her of his own accord.
if anything does come of it then i'm going to take the advice some of you have given me and just deny everything. she has no proof and i dont think her boyfriend is likley to say anything to back her up.

bednobs

what you do is your own business, but what you do in other people's houses becomes theirs

milly143

I don't care if other people want to shove drugs up their nose but they won't do it in my house. Totally disrespectful to your 'friend'. If I was your friend I would cover the top of the toilet with a decent amount of WD40 and then next time you try and snort your coke off it, you'll get the message.

confussed_lady

I think your hubby has done the right thing by blocking her on his fb account really he has done you a fav, you should of told your hubby if he wasnt going to be bothered about the coke that she was there at your friends house and caught u doing it, you know ur friends going to go mad etc and she has probs only added him on fb to tell him... you can then tell him she has told your friend and he isnt to impressed so your denyng it and shes just out to cause Sugar for you coz you have made her look like a lier to your friend...you dont even have to mention the affair, if she does bring that up shes just Sugar stirring!!

DTCwordfan

And here's the explosive one for ABers....

You said you are pregnant on your other thread and YOU ARE DOING DRUGS??!!

Nothing more to say.

DTCwordfan

apologies for the pregnancy comment - it was somebody else with a name beginning with c......so I grovel on that.

However, I do not approve of the drugs side.....why do you need to.....and health wise re any kids etc you are risking serious damage........

tigwig

I would just put the whole situation behind you now and stop worrying. Others may not like it but the simple fact is people do take drugs. To me that is your choice and no one has the right to judge you over it. I am sure your frend will get over it and if he doesnt then thats his loss. In regards to your affair, everyone makes mistakes dont they? Just move on and next time you you are with people who are talking about other men keep your mouth shut! Oh and lock the door too lol.