My Husband and i have been married a nearly a year, we lived for about 18 months together before we married and knew each other about a year before. So, we had a good idea of what the other was like. Before we married he changed his job (he thought it was more suitable for a married man) i never once told him to, just supported his choice. I do understand that no relationship goes smoothly but, he's changed. From being a very thought full loving fun huggable just great guy, who did get stressed sometimes, but always managed to sort things out to basically turning into this person who stomps about, grumpy, nasty, selfish, moody, never happy, lazy and just does not see why he has to do anything for anyone and also having a major sulk and later having a tantrum over trivial things in front of his friends (i did think i had caused all this somehow but after the behaviour the other day they have rang all week checking on me) i did nothing to cause this and his behaviour was unjust towards me. I really don't know how to deal with this as today he's just the same again and this also effects my child, he sulk's or is unjustly 'off' with us. Any suggestions? Please. And please if your a bloke what makes you behave like this?
truffles Sat 06/09/08 23:32
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Question Author
Some one must have an idea
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Tell him to lighten up or fook off.....and mean it
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I'm no soft touch, and yes we have had words
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"He changed his job..more suitable for a married man"?
What was he, a rent boy?
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Does it help your relationship by being on here after midnight?
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Question Author
No not rent guy, dangerous job.
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i did wonder that, but he seems to think that because he's works full time he can do what he pleases (even when it causes problems to us) and pays very little towards the house costs that he can still do when he wants, and begrudges doing the smallest of things for us, i work nearly full time and do all house work, cooking cleaning pay the bills etc,
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Question Author
He started this morning when i asked for his works bag to be removed from the door way so we could leave the house, he was offended by this and has used this as a weapon all day. ??????????????????????
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I imagine men change when they get married. My partner is at the moment like your husband was before you married. I've been with mine for almost 2 years and we've been living together for a year.
I do often wonder though, if we get married, will he change. I suspect he has tendencies to be possessive. But as a strong character, I wouldn't tolerate such behaviour.
I think all men have the potential to behave like spoilt little boys, afterall, most of their mother's would have pampered them as children.
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As a single person I do not feel qualified to answer this question fully, but will tell you what I can. I do know that some men change after they are in a steady relationship, and do not always take care of their appearance, and other things. They are no longer "on the pull" and after they have made "their catch" things are easier for them, and they think they do not have to try as hard. They are so wrong, as if they behave like that they could lose the love of their life.
H T H
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Try ignoring his behaviour and him for a day or two. Stop doing things for him, something as simple as putting his clothes in the washing machine will be enough. Go on stike, don't do any clearing up or cleaning for a couple of days, i know that will be difficult but he will soon realise then just what you do for him. Or do as he is doing, be moody and grumpy with him and sulk and sit staring into space. When your child is around just be as you would around him/her so not to upset him/her.
Ive done this myself and it has worked. It's worth a try. Some men are like that sometimes, but it could be because he misses his old job, whatever that was. You could start by sitting him down and getting him to talk to you, just you two alone with the tv off, threaten to tell his family, that may just be enough to get him talking, ive used that many times and it always works. All of my suggestions stem from a previous relationship, i gave up in the end and found someone else but hopefully you can help him sort things out. good luck
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the behaviour you described is my missus down to a tee, especially when shes got pmt !
im the happy go lucky cheerful one and i wait on her hand and foot.
i would say hes either been on his best behaviour for the last 2 years until he got you down the aisle and now hes showing his true colours or he's stressed, depressed or just not very happy with life at the moment.
either way you need to speakto him and sort it out or you will end up hating him for making your life miserable
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Gucciman, admittedly, I'm like your wife, especially when I have PMS, which I have at the moment, so I've been crying all week, moody and aggressive to my partner and generally quite horrible. (I'm like this for about 3 weeks every month)
I suppose he knows what I'm like now and will get no nasty surprises after marriage.
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Sounds like hes taking you for granted....if I were you I would pay no attention to his little outbursts, as if you interact with him, its adding fuel to his fire....keep calm until his behaviour subsides, he will end up feeling like an a*se and will be sorry for his actions, and thats when you take your opportunity to talk to him about whats going on....good luck! x
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truffles - I am inclined to agree with Gucciman. I reckon (from my vast relationship experience) that it takes about 3 yrs (give or take 6 months) for the 'true' nature of the beast to emerge.
There is something else you slipped into your post which concerns me ...which is a money issue. It would seem that you have separate monies and you pay for everything - so basically he is a tight git also. Meaness does not confine itself to only one aspect of a person's life ...it encompasses and encroaches on every area. I call it a 'lack of abundance' and it is like a creeping patch of damp.
He doesn't want to give of himself, as well as his cash.
I am concerned for your relationship and especially you child, as walking on eggshells is no way to live.
I have one more suggestion...do you think he may be having an affair?
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I agree about the meaness Le Chat.
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velvetee- You should not have to suffer PMT for 3 weeks. It sounds more like you have PMSyndrome and you should seek professional and/or alternative medicine to help control it. (I am assuming that you haven't)
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Le chat, the bit about the beast emerging is so very true!
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