depressed

[alc2285]

Life is not going as I thought it would be. I feel like I'm left behind. I'm not in the place I want to be and should be at this point in my life. My b/f and I have been together 1 year and we are in rut and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. My best friend Robbie just graduated and is going to be having a baby and soon to be married. I'm just lost and stuck and don't know what to do to get out. I just don't know what I want. Help...

[lady_p_gold]

Well it seems to me what this might be telling you is that firstly you need to look at your relationship. You are obviously very young and it is unlikely that you will remain with your current boyfriend, and maybe you really know that. So it is time to move on I suspect even though it is painful, but I think you will feel liberated and feel your zest for life coming back.

[starry eyes]

I have to agree with lady_p_gold im afraid. It seems that you know you wont be with your boyf forever, i think you shoud have a fresh start, maybe go to collage and learn something new, or join a class of some kind, it may give you an idea about what you want to do with your future.

[alc2285]

I do want to be with my b/f forever, but I feel like he isnt trying to make things work as much as I am. I'm 21 and he is 28. He is ready to find someone to make a life with and so am I. We both like the same things and enjoy being together, but he just can't seem to get his life straight so we can make something of this. I know it seems that he is too old for me but he's not. I want the same things he wants out of life. Neither of us want to be with someone around or own age because either in my case they are too immature or in his they don't want a man who has a 6 year old son and has to start over in life. I want to go back to school I just don't know for what yet or where. We both just want to move out together and make a life of our own and both go back to school, but the money issue is a problem for both of us. I know if I became more independent it would help our relationship alot. I just don't know what to do...

[sarnieken]

alc, sounds like you need to make some changes.
I know how you feel as I'm in a similar situation myself.

I'm the youngest in a large family, my siblings each having settled down and starting their own families. It finally hit home when my twin brother's wife gave birth last year that I'm approaching 30, am now single again and am not doing the thing I wanted to do when I was a child. IT really got me down and I felt really cr*p about it.

However, in true northern style, my family and friends told me to stop being such a wimp and to do something about it.
Next Tuesday I go for my medical examination and final interview to join the Royal Air Force, something I wanted to do as long as I could remember and had been kicking myself about that I hadn't done earlier.

If you are unhappy with your life, you have to make the change. Plenty of people on here and around you will give you advice and a direction to head. Its up to you and only you to take that direction. You also have age on your side, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Go get what you want.

What is it your bf wants to do? Maybe you could set each other targets to achieve together. Sit down and tell each other what you want out of life.

Hope this helps, Good luck.
K x

[cartman99]

Never ever use someone elses life as a yard
stick to measure yours against, everyone is different.

At 21 your best and brightest years are ahead of you. There are no rules, you can live to 100 that leaves loadsa time for studying, men, girls, whatever you fancy.

As for the boyf, look at why you got together, do you laugh together?, whats changed, can you get it back?.

Be brave and lucky x

[jno]

you sure you want to be with him forever? Or do you really want to be with someone who's like him but better? It may be he's too young rather than too old - you don't say why he hasn't got his life together but maybe at 28 he should have, especially if he's got a child to look after.

Sounds like your friend's marriage and baby have got you thinking - perhaps that's what you want and he isn't about to provide them? You need to talk, I guess, but you also need to think hard about exactly what you want and why, and what you're prepared to do about it.

[lounurse]

Take some good advice from a well weathered late 30 year old who is still in the place you are at. Get out its not right for you, get out there and grab life with both hands. There is more out there for you live it and enjoy it before you are in a position where the choices get much more difficult and complicated. Most of all be happy whatever it is that makes you happy the rest will follow. Don't sit around waiting for something to happen it won't and you will be still sat in this place in 10 years time if you don't take your life into your own hands and make it happen! Good luck

[alc2285]

Thank you all so much. Everything you all have told me has really made me think. You all have helped me to really open my eyes and do something that is right for me. You have helped make a differance in my life. Thank you :)

[Mammar]

First of all - Sarnieken - good on you and well done!
Now, dear alc -
There's some really good advice been given.
All I can add is that you are still young.
You are doing the right thing intending to carry on with education because that will help open doors for you.
If you don't feel you want to be without him completely, why don't you agree to just cool it a little while you both get sorted out?
My daughter did a similar thing when she realised the chap she was engaged to, much as she loved him, was holding her back.
We had a week of real heartbreak with her asking all the time "Have I done the right thing?" but she had. Over time it got easier.
She's in her third year of Uni now, a new bloke on the scene and her life is looking so positive.
I'm sure I speak for all the others when I say we wish you all the best for the future. x x