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girlygirl2 | 11:46 Tue 21st Aug 2007 | Body & Soul
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If you thought that your partner was cheating, what extemes would you go to so that you could catch them out?

Also if you found them out, how many times would you believe their bu11sh1t and try and make it work?



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when I was younger I didnt need to spy or anything is a very small town where I live and I'd find out anyway. But now if I thought my bloke was cheating I wouldnt bother finding out I'd finish with him as I obviously dont trust him anyway
it depends on the relationship.......how long u'd been together, if you lived together etc.....Ive never taken anyone back when theyve cheated on me tho. If they are gunna do it then they are gunna do it so theres nothing you can do about it. But dont be a doormat. As far as im concerned, if theyve even thought about sleeping with someone else or wanted to then theres something seriously wrong.......
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I think its possible to forgive once as everyone makes mistakes, obviously depending how far it went.

fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
I was always the cheater, when I got caught and we decided to "give it another go" it didn't work so I had to go
If you believe he is cheating just ask him. It saves a lot of time.
i had the experience of being with a cheater.
i took the following steps to find out if my hunches were true
1, phoned his work to find out when he would be returning from his work trip...i was told he was on holiday, with this person.
2, went thru his phone..this confirmed he had someone else, found texts to that nature.
i stayed in the relationship with this **** for another 2 months before i found the sense to leave.
I've always said that if I cheated then I would have trouble keeping it to myself and would even get to the stage of boasting about it....even to my partner...I would just not be able to have a clear concience.

If I thought a partner was cheating I wouldn't need to catch them out as they would sure enough give themselves away sooner or later.

Making things work happens before the cheating is ever thought of.
i did ask him a i did have suspicions, he lied through his teeth.
thats why i phoned his work etc.
Hmmm, i am afriad there is no 3 strikes and your out with me.
You should go to the most extreme posiible to clarify if he is cheating or not. I mean why waste your time and effort on someone who doesnt want to be with you.
On your second point, i wouldnt belive any of it at all. If he had any respect for you he wouldnt want to make you feel insecure about your relationship.
Depending opn how long you have been together, if you suspect he is cheating then your usually right.
I think the longer you have been together you know if something is wrong...
I believe that the 'you cheat, you're out' mantra is very old hat. There are a lot of reasons why relationshipd go wrong and it is far easier to walk out or throw out, than to stay and work it out.
You can work it out after affairs but it is hard work. Been there, done that, go the t-shirt and 5 years later still married. However, that was last chance saloon, i doubt I would do it again.
I wouldn't try and find out, ask, it's easier but be prepared to get answers you don't want.
I would'nt go to any extremes as myself & my wife have total trust in one another.
We always agreed that if one wasen't happy in the relationship anymore, we would rather sit down and explain our feelings rather than throwing yourself in the arms of a fling etc.

I believe that if i was to cheat or likewise my wife cheats, either one of us would be able to tell, as i would like to think that we know each other inside out ie tell tale signs, body language etc etc.

I appreciate that some people will say you can never trust someone 100% which i fully understand, but i'm sure that the majority of people know who to trust, some people could'nt smell a rat if it was placed under their nose.

Oh yea, if i or my wife cheated on each other, its game over i'm afraid, yes i do have children, and yes they will be hurt, but you have to set out your ground rules in your relationship, this is one of our rules, its been successful for 19 years, so we must be doing something right.
What extremes would I go to? You wouldn't need to go to an extreme. If you've got a hunch, something isn't right then something is probably not right.

It's all subjective. You can't say whether you'd give them another chance or not unless you were in the situation.
not always china - many people are overly paranoid and suspicious without any real reason - so to say if you suspect it, there muct be something there, is unfair.

when i was 15, i had a boyfriend who would have a fit on me if a bloke glanced at me in the street - like it was my fault!
he was even jealous when a dog tried to hump my leg - can you believe that!! - he more or less accused me of liking it or 'encouraging' the dog!!... he was clearly completely over the top
Was it quite a sexy hot dog....

lol
what a b!tch lol
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I agree with joko, i have spent years having unfounded accusations thrown at me all because of someones elses insecurities. Nothing kills a relationship quicker than jealousy and accusations that are in the other persons mind. :-)

Right, now ive got that off my chest, i really don't know wether i could give someone another chance.

I think it depends on a few factors such as how was the relationship when it happened, do you love each other enough to get past it, was it a one off, was it purely sex or was it about love, the latter being the no brainer for me.
If your partner is in love with someone else than there is no future. In my opinion, there isnt room in any persons life to love 2 people and if they have strayed i think the love is gone anyway .

There is a lot to think about and no situation can ever be completely black and white.

All that said, in answer to the very last part of your question, even if i gave it another chance, it would only ever be the one! If not, all self respect goes out of the window.
I take your point Yoko and could have phrased that better.

I didn't actually mean that if you suspect someone of cheating then they are cheating but that if you suspect something is wrong in a relationship then it usually is. The question is generally 'What's wrong?' or Why do I feel like this' in my experience. Quite often the problem is fixable, in fact more than often it is. For example, if your 15 year old lad had stopped to think 'Why do I react like that? Is Joko in to beastiality or am I in fact a little on the obsessive side?' Does that make a kind of sense?

I think that sometimes we forget to listent to our gut instinct basically.
Joko Sorry!

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