i need to know about cricket

[joggerjayne]

I need to know about Cricket.

I've been invited to see Sussex v Hampshire on Saturday in the Final of something or other.

Obviously, by lunchtime, I would be p!ssed, and I won't care ... but I ought to know a bit about it during the morning.

Any good tips ???

... or clever things to say ???

[sara3]

"jolly good show"?

[joggerjayne]

... or (clean) Cricket jokes ???

[SpodoCommodo]

You need to go in fancy dress - being in drag usually guarantees that the tv cameras will find you.

[ELVIS68]

Get p!ssed before you go and sleep it off til lunchtime, if the drink won`t make you sleep the cricket will

[joggerjayne]

Ooh, sara ... I like that ...

Nice and non-committal ...

Can't go too far wrong with "jolly good show"

I'll note that one down.

[Postdog]

I haven't got it (gonna look after posting) but someone is bound to come up with the classic explanation to the game - it'll make it all clear!

[Barmaid]

I didn't think cricket matches started til the afternoon, in which case you won't care. Just take a big floppy straw hat and have an afternoon snooze!!!!

[joggerjayne]

Elvis ... I haven't been to a real Cricket game before ... it might be jolly.

[joggerjayne]

Barmaid ... I have a Boater with a big bow on it ...

That might do.

[ELVIS68]

Yeh, Jolly boring

[cazzz1975]

there you go jayne, took me about a min to google

http://bama.ua.edu/~cricket/learncricket.htm

[lankeela]

http://fantasycricket.abc.net.au/default.aspx? page=guide

Although I am sure there is a 'when you are out you are in' sort of guide somewhere.

[Postdog]

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

[joggerjayne]

Cripes, cazzz ... that's very complicated.

I was hoping for something more like ...

That bowler is rubbing the ball on his willy because ... ?

Or ... I see they only have two slips. They must be ...

... planning ...

... to ... ... ... oh, crikey, I don't know.

=0(

[tamborine]

if there are any wonkers playing, shout LBW to get rid of them.

[joggerjayne]

LOL Postdog.

Yikes, Lankeela ... long time, no see !!! ... x

[joggerjayne]

How do I spot a "wonker" ?

[cazzz1975]

Because a single ball is used for an extended period of play, its surface wears down and becomes rough. The bowlers will polish it whenever they can - usually by rubbing it on their trousers, producing the characteristic red stain that can often be seen there. However, they will usually only polish one side of the ball, in order to create 'swing' as it travels through the air.

[joggerjayne]

I might have to resort to ...

"Boo, Hampshire ... load of poop ... go home !!

Yaayyy, Sussex ... come on you whites !!! "

Oh, hang on ... they all wear white. Nuts.