ELVIS68
I went for my MRI scan for my back on Saturday. Hopefully it will find out why my back keeps going into spasms. Good job I'm not claustrophobic!... It's like putting a cigar in a Smartie tube!, and...
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ELVIS68
My son was looking for a charger for his phone in one of our junk drawers and he found a pack of Top Trumps Harry Hills TV Legends.... and who is on the top of the pack?....Jimmy Savile It reads TV...
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ELVIS68
Colour of your underwear and the last thing you ate.
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ELVIS68
Why do people press the remote buttons harder just because the batteries are low?
And why's it so difficult to turn a door handle just because you've got a drink in your hand?...
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ELVIS68
To celebrate Europes victory from the jaws of defeat in the Ryder Cup how about a logo change?
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ELVIS68
My wife was trying to explain to me about dogs being like their owners.
I assured her she's nothing like me....
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ELVIS68
Stoptober tomorrow, are you going to give them up for the month?
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ELVIS68
Lots of varied replies... What was/is your mum like?
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ELVIS68
Just finished reading a book about the band Journey.
It's a bit boring, it goes on and on and on and on....
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ELVIS68
"Your Only Fools and Horses addiction is ruining my life," shouted my missus "I want you out of this house right now!" "Ok," I replied, "I'll fetch the suitcase from...
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ELVIS68
I've just played Cluedo "Who killed the music" edition.
Turns out it was Professor Green, in the studio, with the microphone....
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ELVIS68
1, take your shoe size. 2, multiply it by 5. 3, add 50 4, multiply this by 20. 5, add 1012 6, subtract the year you were born. The first two digits will be your shoe size, the last two is your age...
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ELVIS68
Last week my doctor said he's going to book me for a scan for my ongoing back problem. Is it a case of going on a waiting list or does it depend on what the doctor has put in his letter to the...
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ELVIS68
My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman movie. Our dates so far can be summarised as follows... Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN. I'll get...
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ELVIS68
I was working in the local taxi office last night when I told my boss, "I've just heard one of the drivers sh@gging a woman in the back of his cab. He must have left the radio on by...
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ELVIS68
Every now and then I get muscle spasms in my back which last about 5-7 days I take diclofenic and methacarbamol which help with the pain but this week my back went again and I've got a numbness down...
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ELVIS68
The cast of Dad's Army are to start tracing their family trees.
"Who Do You Think You Are.. Kidding Mr Hitler" starts this Autumn....
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ELVIS68
Your favourite Olympian and what they do followed by.....In my pants
Daley Thompson does the heptathlon, in my pants...
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ELVIS68
I've got to do the same walk as last night only this time the moon is shining like a giant torch which lights up my hi-vis jacket.
Let's hope the Lion sleeps tonight!...
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ELVIS68
I couldn't help swapping chocolate bar wrappers around in the sweet cupboard.
I think she got her snickers in a twix...
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