advice?

[littlemissx]

i looked through my blokes phone the other day (wrong of me i know but i only did it as i had suspicions), in it i found messages from that morning saying i am still in love with you from him to a woman he was seeing just before we got together... now this woman is married with children!!! i went mad at him (understandably i think) and told him it was over. i later calmed down and gave him the chance to explain. he said he only told her that as she was finding it hard coming to terms that me and him were happy together and just bought a place etc and he didnt want to see her hurt... i was very hurt and angry and he also cried and said he couldnt face losing me so i have given him another chance on the condition he never contacts this woman again.

what would you lot have done??

[kevshakry]

Gosh atolhurst i agree wit u. Listen, i would be so mad - there is just no explanation to a recent text telling your ex IM STILL IN LOVE WIT U. Hello!!!!!!!!!! im gone

[madham]

I would have kicked his a'**e and sent him packing.

But that's me, do what feels right for you, if you can re-build the trust carry on, if not dump him.

How long have you been together??

[littlemissx]

i'll be honest its been a bit of a whirlwind romance... we've only known eachother a few months but i love him x

[stylinsam]

i would of kicked him out straight away what a really lame excuse that was for txting his ex .

[stylinsam]

i can understand where your coming from cos i would be the same as you if i was in this situation when a man crys thats it your heart sinks.

[kazzianne]

If you love him then its gona be hard,but if only after a few months you dont trust him enough to have to go thru his fone,and then find that - well it doesnt look great does it.

[kevshakry]

littlemissx, i dont know how experienced you are wit men but i tell u be careful of the one u wit. he seems as if will cheat on u tell u excuses and cries.

it really do my heading - i could cuss him for hurting u

[atolhurst]

This could have been something that came out 2 years down the line. Or even 10? So don't apologise for the fact you've not known each other long. I forget who it was but one of the famous footballers got in touch with an ex via Friends Reunited not so long ago, and left his wife for her, so you can't stop that happening no matter if you've know each other; 5 minutes, or 5 years.

However, whilst it's clear you love him, I think you need an honest answer as to whether he loves you. You deserve more than being in a relationship where you're not number one.

[bellasasha]

hi littlemissx,sorry about all your heartbreak.... i have been in the same position as you except i was with the guy a year when he started being really secretive with his phone and hiding it...anyway one night he didnt hide it too well and i looked thru it, i know how wrong it is but when you are being lied to every day you need to do something....anyway i found obscene text messages to and from a girl who i had my suspicions about.i also found messages he had sent to her telling her how much he loved her and wanted to be with her...he laughed it off saying i was being stupid and paranoid!!!!...needless to say he was booted out in the morning!! unfortunately all his pleading and crying meant i took him back where he did the same thing again!! i am very very wary of men now, find it very difficult to trust anyone. i just dont understand why people cheat??? it just causes hurt for everyone concerned...i will never understand the human mind!!!

just be careful littlemissx....dont be too trusting too quickly. sending you big hugs xxxx

[peterd]

atolhurst - It was David James

[Champagne]

Another thing, littlemissx. I looked through an ex-boyfriend's mobile phone once and I wasn't proud of it. I was suspicious of some of his actions but whenever I tried to raise the subject he would say it was nothing, or avoid a discussion. So I resorted to checking his mobile and lo and behold he was texting his ex behind my back and it was extremely flirtacious. Regardless of what he was/wasn't doing, the fact that I checked his mobile phone was really the start of the end. When things get that desperate, then you know you're doomed.

You're probably better off with somebody who gives you reassurance.

[caz21]

Littlemissx does he tell you he is in love with you? Its an awful situation to be in but trust plays such a major part in a relationship and i know if it was me (and i'm extremely jealous when i want to be anyway even if no reason!!) but i would constantly feel suspicious, and looking through his phone after you've only been together a relatively short time is not great! you obviously felt he was up to no good and it seems you were right! like everyone else has said his excuse sounds like a complete load of tosh! no one would use those words in those circumstances!! I'm concerned you mentioned you've recently bought a house together! are you worried about staying with him because of this? sorry to sound like i'm prying but if i were you i'd get rid!!

[kazzianne]

Just thinking - are you the AB'er who posted a question recently about moving in with somebody very quickly?? Or am I wrong|?

[Drusilla1S]

When you find that really special person you adore and want to spend the rest of your life with, you don't even think about other partners, let alone text them loving endearments.

His behaviour should confirm in your mind that he does not view you as, 'the one'. If you can accept that, carry on as before, but I suspect his tears had a hint of the crocodile about them and personally, I would have dumped him.

You seem a pleasant and caring person and I think you deserve much better treatment from a partner.

[garfunkeland]

same thing happened to me i found text messages on my boyfriends phone to his ex girlfriend tellen her he still loved her and he wished he could be with her blar blar. i give him one chance this was 4 years ago and we are really happy and he wouldnt do anything that stupid again.

[helsbels666]

Not convinced......maybe i would have fallen for the sob story but dont think id be able to live with it for long...... Those three little words should be reserved for very few people....another woman is DEFINITELY NOT one of them..... Has he told you he loves you??