Tommy Cooper

[The Tree]

hi everyone.does anyone have any good tommy cooper jokes.i have checked with search engines but a lot of his jokes that are on the net are not actually his but are tom vines.so if anyone could tell me a few or point me in the direction of a site that has HIS jokes it would be much appriciated.cheers

[colenso]

It's so long ago now and I've forgotten most of them but the one I do remember is: (and I'm sure I'll remember all the other ones AB'ers post!!)

"I walked in to a bar yesterday. Ouch! It was an iron bar!"

And TC standing there rubbing his mouth: "Scuse me, my teeth are itching."

[RogK]

"D'you want to see a tap dance?"

He gets a tap on a piece of string out of his pocket and bounces it up and down.

(Do you mean TIM Vine, Tree? Very funny man.)

[freedy]

I think you'll find that Tim Vine is Doing Tommy Coopers jokes!!! Tommy Cooper was around long before TimVine came on the scene!!!

[Lonnie]

'Mary had a liitle lamb, she also had a cat, along came Tommy Cooper, and killed it, just like that , ha ha' , okay, he never said it quite like that, but we used to rcite this at school when TC was at his peak.

[Lonnie]

I just googled 'Tommy Cooper jokes', there's hundreds.

[jake-the-peg]

I rang up the local swimming baths yesterday.

I said "Is that the local swimming baths?"

They said "Dunno, where do you live?"

[vehelpfulguy]

One of my favorites which I heard him tell on TV.

He walks on with a chair and a painting. Says they are a Chippendale and a Gainsborough.

He says he took them to be valued and they were worth nothing.

Seems Chippendale was a terrible painter and Gainsborough made terrible chairs.

[vehelpfulguy]

Another one I heard him tell.

I walked into a newspaper office and a man hit me over the head.

I said "why did you do that"

He replied "I'm the editor" (head hitter)

[vehelpfulguy]

Final one, which I heard him tell on a TV show over this xmas.

I was walking along the road and heard a noise over the fence. It was a hen, a Rhode Island red.

It went cluck cluck (hen type noise)

I replied cluck cluck (again hen type noise)

The conversation went on between the two of them (cluck cluck cluck etc)

Eventually a policeman came along and arrested us for using foul language (fowl)

[HomerS1mpson]

Tommy Cooper was absoltely brilliant in cabaret. I saw him twice. He was much funnier than on TV. And his magic was top class. He used to do all his REAL magic when he did cabaret.

I went to see my doctor the other day. I had to. He was ill.

I went to see my doctor and he told me to lie down on the couch. I said, what for? He said, I want to sweep up.

I backed a horse yesterday at 20-1. It came at ten past four.

I had a dream last night that I was eating a 10lb marshmallow and when I woke up the pillow was gone.

Absolutely mad. Zany. But so funny and totally watchable by all the family. Get his videos. I never tire of seeing him.

He did a show in the USA and everyone really laughed but the manager came up to him after and said the audience thought he was great but he would be even better when he improved his magic!

[LeoMunro]

That great trouper Trooper Cooper, paid the fare as he got out of a taxi then said to the driver, "And 'ere, have a drink on me." - and gave him a tea-bag. There'll never, ever, be another Tommy Cooper.

[snook]

I just read through all the replies and the last one (LeoMunro's) said what I was going to say. I knew a bloke who worked with once or twice (he was a stage magician) and he told me that about the taxi, he said he saw him pull that tea bag 'trick' on the cabbie. He didn't think much of him though, and thought he only did it because he was mean. I disagree, but then I didn't know him.

I do agree with the comments here though, he's absolutely irreplaceable. One of a kind. Inventive, hard working, genius. Who else could walk on a stage, look confused, cough, look around as though he didn't understand why he was there, and have the audience in fits of laughter without having said a word? Definitely, one of a kind.

[raysparx]

I went to the doctor the other day because I had broken my arm in two places, He said don't go to those places again.

[raysparx]

another one he told when I saw him was.

Mary had a little lamb- The doctor was surprised