Pasta, it is very difficult to understand the death by suicide, many emotions surface, disbelief, guilt, impotence,anger, and lots more. The person who died has what they wanted....relief from the absolute terror of their life they could not cope with. Mental illness is non-discriminant and can affect any soul, even those who we think have everything and should therefore be happy. I have been suicidal once....I could not kill myself as I thought of my family and for a long time afterwards,I was only alive for their benefit , not my own. I am on a much more even keel now. There is nothing that could have been said or done if your colleague was so low. Keep a memory of happier times, and take care of you x