Lodger issues

[gingerflaps]

Hi
Ok, so my friend has been lodging with me and my husband for about 3 months since she left her husband, now she has a new 'friend' who she spends all day every day with, also works with him, he comes round occasionally but because she is still technically married my husband doesnt let him upstairs so she goes round his place all the time, stops there and probably twice a week to pick something up or drop something off, I work opposite shifts so I hardly see her.
She pays her lodge every Friday and has always paid but now I'm feeling a bit awkward about charging her because she's never here, my husband says its her choice to stop out all the time and she still has her belongings here taking up the spare room and leaves her car on the drive because the new 'friend' takes her everywhere.
We rent and are not suppose to have lodgers and we think its only a matter of time before we get a phone call saying theres too many cars in the drive.
The lodge money comes in really handy so dont really want to not charge but I feel bad about it because she's my mate and thats my nature.
Any advice on this situation is welcome. Are we right to still charge? Do we wait it out to see if she moves in with him.
Im my opinion, she leaves her car on my drive because her ex has driven past before when her car wasnt there and started stalking her, so if its there then he wont know she's with the new 'friend'

[gingerflaps]

sorry, should say comes back once or twice a week to pick something up or drop something off.... just read it and didnt make sense

[slinky.kate]

i would continue going the way you are,your only letting her lodge there, whatever else she does is her business,who else is to know whether she pays rent or not ?

[Brinjal]

if her things are there then charge her. Talk to her and see if she is happy with the arrangement . The thing i if she has a fall out with the new fellow she will have somewhere to come back to.

[coccinelle]

If she hasn't mentioned it I'd think this isn't a problem for her. You were there when she needed you most and I'm sure she knows that her rent is helping you out too. She is still popping in and out so still using your house as she pleases so I'd just leave things as they are.

[joko]

its irrelevant how much time she spends there - rent gets paid regardless.

i had a 'friend' rent the downstairs flat and expect to not have to pay rent whenever she stayed with her mum for a week or went on holiday!

i told her then she must take all her things and return her keys, so i can let someone else take the room ... she was gobsmacked - totally ignorant to the way the world works, and had no idea what she was suggesting was ridiculous and no landlord on the earth works like that.

you friend has a room at her disposal - her 'home' - you cannot use while she has it, and she is clearly fine with the arrangement so leave it as is.

you could suggest she gives up the room completely and uses a small portion of your garage to store her stuff in if she likes... but then she can no longer come and go as she pleases or use the room to sleep... but that way you get nothing or a small fraction in storage fees.


incidentally i think your hubby is out of order saying she cannot have him to stay over... she rents a room... she should be entitled to have guests - her marrital situation is none of his business, and not his place to make judgements

[gingerflaps]

Thanks for the advice. Brinjal I think youre right, my fella says we are a back-stop, something to fall back on if it doesnt work out.
Joko I hear what youre saying and agree, but we are all good friends and she knows that he is very traditional, he said when she's divorced then taking her friend upstairs wont be an issue, but she has no intent on divorcing, she's the type of person to bury her head in the sand and hope it all goes away bless her, she's also very young.
My mum was suprised we was still charging but yes youre right, she is still taking up space in out fridge, spare room and drive, and if she had i problem paying then she would move in with him or somwhere else, but I'm afraid that she hasnt been working towards anything, she spends money left right and center, I'm not her keeper and I dont keep tabs, its just what she has told me. But she isnt working towards getting out and moving on with her life (divorce, saying up ect), she just wants to sweep her marriage under the carpet and pretend it never happened.

[bednobs]

it's not about how often she is there - the point is she COULD be there if she wanted to. That is what she is paying for - to have somewhere to go IF she wants to

[ladybirder]

You cannot re-let the room because she is still using it, albeit not that often. That is her choice. She knows she can come back there full time any time she needs to and that must be worth the rent to her. Let sleeping dogs lie, no need to say anything.