Relationship over but am I really to blame?

[cosmicangel]

Hi everyone

I just found this website and read some posts and everyone seems nice and gives straight talking answers so I thought I'd ask for some advice. Sorry it's going to be a long one.

My partner and I were together about a year, he was previously in a marriage and has 2 kids. Now he blames me for everything that went wrong in our relationship saying I started arguments every 2 days and while this is true I can explain the reasoning behind it.

My ex lives with various 'mates' but I'm not allowed to know where, his explanation is that it's his friends properties and he should not give out the details.

He has secret phone calls and texts to his 'ex' which I don't like, if you have nothing to hide then why not answer the calls in front of me?

He can not talk to me on the phone if someone is around him again his reasoning is he does not want people to know his business.

Constantly lets me down, we can say we are going to do something then he fobs me off to go be with mates or 'ex'. I walked to a shopping centre 5 miles from my house in the snow cos he failed to turn up he went to his mates instead and even though I was ringing him and texting crying he didnt care just carried on doing what he was doing. But his 'ex' just has to call and say she sneezed and he's there.

Oh and he keeps 'borrowing' the 'exes' car even though he knows I HATE IT and refuse to get in it.

I have not been an angel my ex once sent me some dirty text messages and a picture but I did not ask for it I did not reply to it and cut off all contact with him but my current ex KEEPS bringing it up saying it was all my fault I left myself open to it.

He hates me chatting to guys even though I get on better with them which he knew from the start.

So am I in the wrong? Did I screw up ou relationship?

Thanks

[pleuni]

No, it is not your fault that this bloke is a horror - but it is your fault that you have allowed yourself to be involved with the Snag for this long...so admit your fault and don't repeat it again (have nothing more to do with him)...or you will get more of the same.
You are not likely to get closure with this muppet as he has shown to you that he is cagey and not trustworthy - even if you think you find closure with this you won't be able to trust it - so don't even bother yourself to try and find it with him.

[cosmicangel]

The little BOY is pure evil and I'm glad I opened my eyes to who he really is. Just regret letting my guard down and telling him things I've never told a living soul.

Well no more I'm only gonna talk and expose my true feelings to someone I know will never hurt me.

Oh well plenty more fish in the sea, that's life I'm just going to try and pick myself up and move on

[Mick-Talbot]

Why DO you keep doing that?

[cosmicangel]

And and thats another corker to come out of his mouth apparently whenever we have a arguement I'm off shag*ing all the blokes I talk to (even though they are only mates and I've known them a lot longer than I've known him) he doesnt take into account I was single for 2 years before him, never had a one night stand never will do. I also had a crap marriage and worked in an office full of men while Iwas the only girl.

I could have cheated on my wife beating hubby then but still didnt.

FOOL lol

[cosmicangel]

Keep saying what Mick?

[Mick-Talbot]

anyone else find it a tad ANNOYING?

[cosmicangel]

saying what? if it's 'annoying' you don't come on here simple as that

[mccfluff]

sorry i couldn;t wade through all of this but i'll bet i'm not the only one saying this, he sounds like a total knob, walk away and tell him to do one

[Mick-Talbot]

Fluffy, i think you meant he sounds a total KN0B

[Old_Geezer]

Oh wow, a massive initial post and 3 pages of answers already. Still, nicely paragraphed :-) I'll read the initial post and hopefully reply with something useful.



Starting arguments is not wise, regardless. Trying to discuss problems is a better option.

I'm assuming the "partner" and the "ex" is the same person, because my first thought was that one was past and the other present, but that doesn't seem to fit.

So before he was an ex he was being secretive about where he was. Ok that is hardly ideal, but it is reasonable to be suspicious when something as simple as where his friends are is deemed top secret. That wasn't wise on his part, maybe he isn't into the ideal that a couple is that close.

It is a fair comment that secret phone calls (which I assume you have proof of) is not good behaviour. From what you say it seems to me that he was not taking your relationship as seriously as he might. But I am aware we have one side of the story here.

Let's you down, fobs you off. Goes off with his mates (I assume more than one could reasonably agree to).

I'm unsure I need to read further. Stressing again we have but one side of the story it seems to me you are describing a relationship of convenience rather than a true partnership. you are there when he wants you, but at other times you can go hang as he wants to live his life doing just what he wants to do. I see little compromise.

I know I ought to read the whole of this thread but it seems to me you didn't really have a relationship worth the title to screw up. Are you not better off out of it, free to find someone who actually respects you (should you still want to share your life being with someone, that is) ?

[anneasquith]

any relationship that makes you sad. is wrong,,,,,,,,,you dont require advice you need to just get out,

[pa___ul3]

just my two-penneth worth... everyone's said the obvious, he's a bell end, but you need to give your head a wobble and toughen up, if your ex hubby beat you and he's treating you like this, then avoid fellas who are like them. I'm guessing you see yourself as a fair bit stronger than the classic jezza kyle "but I love 'im" crew, so don't fall into that. You hear about it far too often, girls who accept being treated like crap just because they've decided they like bad boys!

[cosmicangel]

Thanks Paul (how ironic that's the ex's name lol) I KNOW I deserve better thank him. Oh and he's added to ex hubby's scars as well. I take everyones advice and he can go f**k himself