:o(

[dinkleboo]

My partner and myself have been through some rough patches, more rough than smooth, I have come to the conclusion that the bad is outweighing the good, I want a family life, he wants that but also wants to go away all the time playing in a band in other countries, also he does athletics every single evening and doesnt actually sit down with me till around 9-10pm...I would never stop anyone from doing anything, and have asked many a time for compromise, I get it for a week or 2 then it all goes back to the way it was. I have felt lonely in the relationship, I spend a lot of time on my own, We made an agreement that the running would be toned down, only for me to find out that he has replaced it with something else, the band...he says he cant help who he is and wants to succeed in something? The thing that really angers me, is that he doesnt want me doing anything, He has threatened me that if I were to go away for a weekend with my friends he would leave me???!!! Made threats against me if I were to do anything with another man when I have gone out for the evening with my friends which was never an option!, yet he wants to do as he pleases, leaving me alone all the time, he cant see what he is doing wrong and is blaming me for all the arguements. Yes it is healthy to have other interests outside of the relationship, but when you let it take over your life and wont make room for compromise something is wrong.....I dont understand what is going on? I dont even know why I have posted on here, maybe im venting....I just hate double standards and feel im being treated like a fool

[DTCwordfan]

difference that I see pinki is that your OH has allowed you to have a social life or rather you said buqqer this I am having one, whether you like it ot not. Here it seems that dinkleboo's is trying to control that.

(ii) and there are no children involved.

Hence I feel that she would be better off moving on as there are some decent male fish out there who arent that controlling - and why should any of us be so, male or female.......

[DTCwordfan]

to be clear - no kids of his......how is he to them, as if there is any hint of controlling behaviour to them, rather than coaching etc etc when they misbehave, I would be very much out, if I was in your shoes

And I am a male - I think.

[Old_Geezer]

"He has threatened me that if I were to go away for a weekend with my friends he would leave me???!!! "

Sounds rather controlling, although isn't that more or less what you are contemplating ? If he doesn't spend more time considering your wishes then maybe it is best to move on ?

Where there are relationship problems then the only real advice is to talk it through. If that has occurred and nothing seems to change then you have a choice. You both accept each other is who they are, and are unlikely to change much, so which is more upsetting ? A lifetime of accepting the relationship you have now, or the pain of cutting your losses and moving on ? Can you decide what you want isn't that important compared to your relationship, or will you only be happy with someone who is more attentive to your needs.

These type of questions only you can answer for yourself. But it is good to consider what you really want.

[dinkleboo]

Thank you everyone, I have gone through this with him many a time, what I dont understand is, he will agree to things and then go backon them a few weeks later, the times that I have stood my ground in the past he always ends up very upset and we talk and everything is eventually sorted outjust for the same thing to repeat again, the thing that made it worse this time was thathe was planning all the touring with the band without telling me, he knows my views and how I feel there should be a balance,but I have to face facts that there isnt one, and will never be one. I have thought about being with him and him doing all his activities and me sat waiting for him,or a life without him and having the chance to have in my life what I really want, which is a partner that wants to share a life with me and the children.....I believe I have to cut all ties and find my true happiness as he doesnt want to give me what I want or need, I am a strong women, but at the same time, I still have feelings and want to be loved and cared for...its obviously too much to ask!

[puddle-duck]

It's not too much for you to ask. It's healthy for partners to have activities or interests outside of the relationship, but there is a difference to having time to yourself and taking the p***..
No-one can tell you what to do dinkleboo, you have to follow your own instincts. You're right you need to be loved and cared for, and if this guy isn't giving you that, then I think you've done the right thing.
Good luck for the future I hope you find the one who will give you what you want.

[dinkleboo]

Me too puddle duck, and thanks! x

[feona]

He wants to drive your life. Please don't let this happen. Always remember, the person who tries to rule you can never love you.

[Old_Geezer]

If a relationship isn't working for yo, and you feel you have made efforts to discuss changes which have resulted in no permanent change, then you have 2 options. To put up with it for the rest of your life, or to cut your losses and find someone who better matches the partner you'd ideally like.

Maybe he can't help being who he is, although it is fair to say that based on your testimony he isn't willing or able to make compromises for the sake of being a couple rather than an individual. OK if that is how he feels then that is how he is.

But what is sauce for the goose should be so for the gander (or should that be the other way about ?). If he wishes to be in a relationship where he has time to do his own thing then he has no justification to not extending the same benefit to you, his partner.

But surely a threat to leave you is no threat at all, given that you are contemplating leaving him anyway. But it is probably a warning sign if used not as an explanation of what might happen but as a lever to stop you doing what I understand he believes he is entitled to do.

we only have your side of the story but from what you tell us it is reasonable to spend some time thinking about whether this is what you want for the rest of your life, or not. It doesn't seem like he is the type to genuinely try to change, he is who he is.

[Old_Geezer]

I relly must read all the thread next time I answer. Seems I already commented above :-O

[whiskeryron]

Sorry to be blunt but this guy you've got is a selfish pillock dinkle, get rid & find yourself a really good decent partner who will give you & the kiddies the love you deserve. Ron. ♥