Crosswords3 mins ago
Moving House dilemma
4 Answers
I have moved a fair bit in my adult life for one reason and another, too long and complicated to go into! However, for various reasons have made big mistakes on the last one or two, so now myself and my partner aren't sure whether to trust our judgement. It doesn't help that he leaves a lot of the decisions to me, especially the final ones, then says he will live with or go along with it to keep the peace!
Currently we are living in Dover, Kent since March 2004 and we came back here with tail between our legs. His family live in the next town, so we came here because we could stay with them initially and we had lived here for many years prior to moving away to the Midlands. We have a son, daughter-in-law and Grandson who live in Norfolk, they are both disabled and though Polly's Mum lives close by and helps a lot, they would love us to be there also for more support. It would also help us as we don't want to be here, but don't really have the funds to do much else.I'm not currently working due to past health problems and my partner just works part time self employed with little money coming from that yet. Our son has found us a little one bedroom house(we now live in a flat)in his town on the High Street, we hate living in a flat here plus it's on the second floor and on a hill, which is killing me with my asthma and other health problems. I really don't know how to decide what to do for the best. We would so love to be close to our Grandson, we weren't expecting it to happen so soon&were worried about it, but we have fallen in love with him and we are not usually those sort of people! We have had issues with our son before, so that's what's really holding us back, apart from money!! He can be demanding and controlling and we don't want our lives taken over, but he assures us this won't be the case and he is desperate for us to be there as is Polly.
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For starters I kind of think, why not move! If you don't particularly like where you are, it doesn't sound like you have any ties to Dover. What are your other options? Stay and hate your flat or move to somewhere completely different!
The only thing that you need to be wary of is that you say your son can be demanding and controlling. It could be a good idea to maybe try and find your own house, maybe a little further away from them. Of course you want to be near your grandson but if the reservations about your son are whats really worrying you then, sit back take your time, don't rush in to anything. Find a place that is within easy but not too easy distance of your son and Polly, so that they can't expext you to come around at a moments notice or they can't just nip in to your house as they are passing.
You need to keep your space.
At the end of the day don't let your son make the decision for you, don't just go because he and Polly want you there. Like you say they are not alone, her mum is there so don't let them guilt you into moving. Make your decision based on what you want. Do you think you would be giving up too much to go?
Can you afford to go ? You certainly do not want to put yourself into any kind of financial difficulty over this!
Basically think through all your options! Because if you don't move there, there is still the option of moving somewhere completely different, maybe half way between where you are now and your son! Just because you don't move to Norfolk doesn't mean you are trapped in your flat forever.
Most of all try and sit down and talk to your partner even if it's just to get a rough idea of what they want! It's not fair to make you make all the decisions and have to live with it if it goes wrong! Take your time to make your decision!!!!
I hope it all goes well
good luck
x
The only thing that you need to be wary of is that you say your son can be demanding and controlling. It could be a good idea to maybe try and find your own house, maybe a little further away from them. Of course you want to be near your grandson but if the reservations about your son are whats really worrying you then, sit back take your time, don't rush in to anything. Find a place that is within easy but not too easy distance of your son and Polly, so that they can't expext you to come around at a moments notice or they can't just nip in to your house as they are passing.
You need to keep your space.
At the end of the day don't let your son make the decision for you, don't just go because he and Polly want you there. Like you say they are not alone, her mum is there so don't let them guilt you into moving. Make your decision based on what you want. Do you think you would be giving up too much to go?
Can you afford to go ? You certainly do not want to put yourself into any kind of financial difficulty over this!
Basically think through all your options! Because if you don't move there, there is still the option of moving somewhere completely different, maybe half way between where you are now and your son! Just because you don't move to Norfolk doesn't mean you are trapped in your flat forever.
Most of all try and sit down and talk to your partner even if it's just to get a rough idea of what they want! It's not fair to make you make all the decisions and have to live with it if it goes wrong! Take your time to make your decision!!!!
I hope it all goes well
good luck
x
Thank you orange-gnome and scarlett for your replies, sorry scarlett, I appreciate there are many people mentioned as I do get carried away, especially on "people issues"! Polly is my daughter-in-law, Kevin is son and heir and Francis is the said gorgeous Grandson.
Plenty of food for thought and as you say, needs careful consideration, apart from knowing we have to leave here. There is nothing to hold us in Dover, in fact we find it even worse here than previously. The other option is to move back to Deal, 8 miles away and where John's family are, but I'm not that sure about that. I feel like it would be going backwards, as that's where we started off and though I see John's Mum a fair bit, she and the two brothers&families have their own lives and are not that sociable. Deal is a smaller community and the family all have their own ways and have done reasonably well with their own homes etc. I feel we are "black sheep"(not meant nastily towards us) and I don't have the sort of realtionship with them which is important to me. So we shall have to see and think further and discuss "together".
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