Married to a control freak?

[WiseOldSage]

I am at my wit's end - it seems to be one rule for my husband and one for me. I am finding him very difficult to love at the moment and have no one to turn to. He is a lovely guy until he gets stressed or angry or doesn't get his own way and then I am in the firing line. His kids and mine get treated different with my son not being able to put a foot out of place. His tolerance levels are nil and when I get upset he just is very abusive verbally. He says I never say anything nice about him or to him but, to be honest, his cutting remarks and criticism leave me cold and on the verge of tears. 90 per cent of the time I end up trying to keep the peace and appease him then I virtually have to parrot fashion tell him what an **** I have been. None of my family like him, his work colleagues have told me he can be quite bolshie and even his ex wife and kids have told me how much hard work he is. How do I brush off the remarks because some of them are very personal?

[WiseOldSage]

Spent over two years on my own even before I met my husband - had to deal with PND and depression on my own and get myself out of that hole for the sake of my kids. It took me a while to even consider getting married again because I had managed to regain my self respect and confidence that had been knocked when I found myself alone with two kids (one of them not even one!) I didn't enter lightly into the relationship and I did spend my time on me, getting back to work and, more importantly, my kids. The comment about the bangs on the head was probably me being a bit flippant - I'm under no illusions as to what my husband is - or can be - ten per cent of our marriage. I came on here for advice - which I have accepted - because I wasn't ready to walk out on a situation that might be salvagable.

[migirl]

I`m sorry if i upset you with my answer. I think even though i`ve been on my own for a couple of years i`m still very "anti men" when it comes to situations like this.
You`ve got to do whatever`s right for you, and your kids.
I wish you luck.x

[alishalexy]

Number one you should of got to know him properly and even stayed with him over a number of weeks infact 6 weeks hols with your kid to test the routine. Usually with a person like this there are signs when you live together.
You should not have put your child in this position and my heart goes to that child. Now do the right thing and move out, get out with your kid. If he has a temper move out first discretly and tell him later to his fact when all your belongings are out. Dont' even give him a second chance.
Your not just putting up with this your child is.
I would never let my children go through this, let another man mistreat my child even if its mentally. He doesn't excuse your child because he does not want your child. Did you make all this clear to him before marriage.
Its not to let get rid of the rubbish, let him find wife number 3 another mug.

[alishalexy]

You invite the wrong type of men, you said it yourself. You have to change your pattern. Ask your child first if he's happy and what makes him happy and unhappy. If your child repeats your own complaints about this man your reponsibility is to your child not to your self. Put your child first. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I think you should remain single till you sort your life out, don't rush in with a man thats where you get it wrong. Do they pick you when they see how vunerable you are. You complain you find it hard to love him and then you state you love him. Your making yourself a victim and you know what to do.