Spectator N0 2651 By Fieldfare
Crosswords1 min ago
is this normal?
14 Answers
hi there, about to have a moan sorry.
im not sure if this is normal for a husband and wife with a kid, so please tell me. my husband(30) spends hours on the pc playing a STUPID game (WOW), today for example he got up, dressing gown on, straight to pc, to play his game, had his breaky at pc etc, i cleaned house baked some buns did sons breaky and lunch, iced buns, and played with son. was really getting me mad, him ignoring us, so occaisionally i came out with the odd comment that i should stick my head in oven etc,, which he didnt reply to as he was on pc, so anyway i tottally stressed at him as we were suposed to be picnicing today, so he came off the pc about 1pm(a good 5hrs) then went in bath for 1hr and half and read his book.
this is normal practice for my husband and its really getting to me. we dont see each other much as it is as he works nights and i work days. so just get the odd hr together but he spends it on pc. tried to talk to him but he just says im childish and i cant tell him what to do,,, but i feel hes missing out on so much with our son(2yrs) because hes so into his game all the time, :(
hes now in bed by the way, hence me on here :(
im not sure if this is normal for a husband and wife with a kid, so please tell me. my husband(30) spends hours on the pc playing a STUPID game (WOW), today for example he got up, dressing gown on, straight to pc, to play his game, had his breaky at pc etc, i cleaned house baked some buns did sons breaky and lunch, iced buns, and played with son. was really getting me mad, him ignoring us, so occaisionally i came out with the odd comment that i should stick my head in oven etc,, which he didnt reply to as he was on pc, so anyway i tottally stressed at him as we were suposed to be picnicing today, so he came off the pc about 1pm(a good 5hrs) then went in bath for 1hr and half and read his book.
this is normal practice for my husband and its really getting to me. we dont see each other much as it is as he works nights and i work days. so just get the odd hr together but he spends it on pc. tried to talk to him but he just says im childish and i cant tell him what to do,,, but i feel hes missing out on so much with our son(2yrs) because hes so into his game all the time, :(
hes now in bed by the way, hence me on here :(
Answers
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my husbands aaaalways on WOW, and he ends up talking to his mate who he works with 5 days a week anyway! it really does my head in! there are times when i will have a go at him, and every now and again he will listen. but on the whole, hes always been into computers and i didnt change that when i came into his life. i suppose we'd just be moaning if it was the opposite and he was being dead clingy and we were wishing they had a hobby to occupy them! lol. but, we dont have kids, so yes i would definately pull out a wire! (and then just blame it on the tot)
i did the wire thing and even moved his WOW icon thing off the page, but when i got up this morning 9ish he was already on it, but didnt mention anything id done. he spent another hr on it while i was up with tot and now has resigned to the bath for his book.
i keep telling him how i feel bout him not pulling his weight, he just doesnt listen,, should i do something more drastic?....... but then i wouldnt be able to come on myself??????
i keep telling him how i feel bout him not pulling his weight, he just doesnt listen,, should i do something more drastic?....... but then i wouldnt be able to come on myself??????
will he agree to some sort of routine? i mean, (most) men are lazy as u r describing. i dont do my hubbys washing and ironing because early in the relationship he got used to me doing it for him... so i stopped! i think maybe the fact that you work odd hours doesnt help... he maybe just sees it as 'me' time, and does what he wants to do because he knows you're there to look after your kid. whatever action you take, it will cause arguments, but it has to be said/done. why not stay with your parents for a few days, ask him to look on the net for a fun activity for you all to do together, tell him you want a romantic night in, ask him what one thing about YOU is that really does his head in then maybe you could change for him as well.
Hi
It is 'normal' because it is now your routine! He is used to playing his game and you are used to lettting him and quietly fuming about it!
Change the routine!
He works and wants to relax - so what! You look after the kid and want some family time. Being a Dad didn't stop at his 5 minutes of activity lol.
Me personally would go out the next time he has his free time, on my own and let him look after his child for a few hours and he may see what he is missing out on!
You could see if there and old copy of Wife Swap on the net somewhere - the one where the man worked and spent all his free time on PC, missing out on his kids. Anyway the Swap worked and he realised what he had been doing and changed his ways and made Family time!
Or you could go to the great solver of all problems! Jeremy Kyle lol
It is 'normal' because it is now your routine! He is used to playing his game and you are used to lettting him and quietly fuming about it!
Change the routine!
He works and wants to relax - so what! You look after the kid and want some family time. Being a Dad didn't stop at his 5 minutes of activity lol.
Me personally would go out the next time he has his free time, on my own and let him look after his child for a few hours and he may see what he is missing out on!
You could see if there and old copy of Wife Swap on the net somewhere - the one where the man worked and spent all his free time on PC, missing out on his kids. Anyway the Swap worked and he realised what he had been doing and changed his ways and made Family time!
Or you could go to the great solver of all problems! Jeremy Kyle lol
How about taking the game up yourself? Mr Boo got the game first and I was fascinated, now I'm probably more addicted to it than him!
We do however make a conscious effort to limit our time on it. I for example will only go on it at night when Mini Boo (2 n' half) is in bed.
As I play myself, I'm all too aware how addictive this game is. For the non player it's difficult to comprehend that if you're doing an instance with another group of people you HAVE to focus attention on it 100% as the others in the game depend on you and your actions in it.
honestly, give it a whirl, I almost guarantee you'll love the game, and think how cool it'll be if you ever overtake him and you get to kick his butt online? LOL
We do however make a conscious effort to limit our time on it. I for example will only go on it at night when Mini Boo (2 n' half) is in bed.
As I play myself, I'm all too aware how addictive this game is. For the non player it's difficult to comprehend that if you're doing an instance with another group of people you HAVE to focus attention on it 100% as the others in the game depend on you and your actions in it.
honestly, give it a whirl, I almost guarantee you'll love the game, and think how cool it'll be if you ever overtake him and you get to kick his butt online? LOL
Why don't you try asking him for just an hour or so to chat sometime, let him know how you feel about it. The fact you're refferring to it as a "stupid game" makes me think you probably put this point of view across to him quite bluntly - so he probably gets defensive as it isn't stupid to him. The game is obviously important to him, but there must be important things you do as well (Like talking to friends on the phone, any other hobbies etc) that he possibly finds difficult to understand. The difference here is that you (presumably) are not letting your personal interests affect your relationship with your husband whereas he is.
Anyway what I am trying to say is, let him know you understand that the game is important to him and you don't want to tell him what to do, but it would be nice if you two could spend some quality time together and see if you can get him to cut down the time he spends online.
Anyway what I am trying to say is, let him know you understand that the game is important to him and you don't want to tell him what to do, but it would be nice if you two could spend some quality time together and see if you can get him to cut down the time he spends online.
Thanx for the answers, this has been going on for a few months now, i kicked off at xmas about it, he said he realised what he had been doing and said he would not go on it as much,,,, slowly hes gone bck to square one again, he hates me nagging at him,, sometimes i feel like im his mother. i would hate to think what goes on while im not there, my husband is properly addicted to this game and no amount of whinning or leg pulling from my son,, or me will remove him fromit,, he has to finish his task first(which takes up to an hour or more)
The game is obviously addictive, my sons play on it and they are the same they have to finish "the quest" or "task or whatever it is, it's so annoying!! But, as they are my son's it's easier to deal with, my Ex-husband was the same, an earthquake wouldn't move him off his comp playin games, soo annoying, anyway notice i said EX !!! lol. i'm not saying you sould leave him but maybe show him what he would be missing! and definatley dig up that wife swap, he'll probably say he's not that bad, but i believe you that he is and so he will have to eventually .
Well, there's one way of making him pay attention. Don't wash his clothes, don't iron his shirts and don't cook his meal. If he suddenly wants to know what's happening, tell him that you're ignoring him in the same way that he's ignoring you and your son. Or start reading War and Peace in bed just as he's starting to feel sexy and keep saying "Don't interrupt me. I'm concentrating in the same way that you like to concentrate on your computer and not be disturbed."
Perhaps he will then get the message.
Perhaps he will then get the message.
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