violent three year old!

[monkeemayhem]

my little boy has started hitting or biting people when they stop him doing something he wants to do. I totally understand why he's doing it, he hasn't the skills to express his anger another way. My question is, HOW do I deal with it? Its too serious to ignore and im ashamed to say its sometimes difficult to control my anger when he bites or hits me with something. I never, ever and will not hit him back (although i feel its a natural reflex we all have).
At the moment, if he hits me I bend down to his level, look at him in the face and tell him "NO, THAT IS VERY NAUGHTY" and put him in another room or the naughty corner so we are both out of eachothers space. He is still doing it though and more often, is this just a stage? Am i handling this the right way?

[angeldraws]

Personally, i think that whilst we are telling our youngsters what we 'shouldn't' or 'don't' 'do, it is too easy to forget that we don't actually tell them what we DO do....

You could try saying ' No, we don't hit/bite/shout etc. - we say i would like that toy please', or 'please can i have a turn on that ride....' But try not to give too long an explanation as your child won't remember it all - keep it simple. It may take a few tries - as it does take a while to introduce something new, as you will no doubt, already know.....and you may often have to remind him, but don't give up. Also, make sure you do get down to his level when talking and not just bending over to be put your face at his level - this can be intimidating. Good luck.

[FlowerPetal]

At the age of three, you child will have a slight understanding that what he is doing is wrong, so at least that part has been taken care of.
I agree with Angel, that telling him what to do instead is correct. its just like being told not to run down the corridor - first thing i used to do is leg it!!
If your son is doing it regularly with the same situations - eg..everytime a toy is taken away, everytime hes told 'no'.....etc...etc... then chose soemthing he can do instead and tell him that everytime you or somebody else needs to take a toy away from him, then he can 'colour in his drawing book' instead, everytime somebody needs to tell him 'no', then he can 'sit quitely on the sofa' instead - chose things that are easy and realistic for you both and make a chart for him to use to be able to remember with. Consistency is really important.

You ARE handling it in the right way because you are concerned and worried about it. He knows he is loved and you are being as consistent as possible with him.

Good luck
Flower xx

[Solarjunkie]

Angeldraws is so right - he needs to know what is an acceptable way to express his anger. Try an Angry Cushion - one that is distinctive, eg a different colour. Something that the whole family is allowed to punch, kick or yell at. Very therapeutic! Must emphasise it's for the whole family, showing it is normal to have angry feelings, and that it is inappropriate to hit something that can be hurt!
Every home should have an Angry Cushion.

[monkeemayhem]

thank you everyone, I have never thought of saying no we do not bite we say....
that was so obvious when you said it, i was shocked i hadn't thought of that. When I said i bend down I meant kneel down to his level, I totaly get not screaming in his face while standing over him which can be frightening to a toddler!
sometimes when you're doing the same thing everyday and not seeming to get anywhere you wonder if you are doing something wrong or not right, so thanks flowerpetal that was a nice comment you made.
solar junkie- i might need something bigger than a cushion at the moment! good idea though.
mm x