Corona Virus Help Please

[elfin12]

I am almost 76 years old, my sisters funeral is tomorrow, and my doctor has advised me not to go, I could not live with myself if I did not say goodbye to my only sister, what do I do ??? I understand that I will be amongst a lot of people,but I am in despair. just a few words from someone would help as I have no other family in the UK, and feel so alone right now.

[Mamyalynne]

Such a heart rending decision to have to make but please, whatever you do decide - be at peace with it.x

[TheDevil]

You are an adult. You can take appropriate precautions as you see fit and ultimately decide for yourself what to do and how to do it.

They're telling everyone to stay indoors yet i've been to supermarkets 7 times today on behalf of myself but mostly other people and there are OAP's everywhere. Absolutely everywhere.

I said on another thread though.. You can try to tell a pensioner what to do but they'll do what they want.

[TheDevil]

If your doctor said "no, go" then you went and got COVID-19 and got severely ill then that would be negligent of the doctor. He has to give you the advice that is best for your health and ultimately, that is to stay home.

However... I refer to my previous answer.

[pixie374]

I can only say, if it were my sister, I would go. Even if it literally killed me. I wouldn't want to risk anyone else, so I would stay at a distance, if that was a chance. Whatever you decide, elfin, best wishes xx

[Old_Geezer]

It can only be your decision. No one would like to think they told you to go and you caught something, nor told you not to and you missed something you regretted missing. I think I'd take the chance, but would know that it was my own personal decision.

[Denton]

I would definitely go.

[hellywelly4]

I’m nearly 80 and have just come back from a funeral. It never occurred to me not to go. If you’re at risk with underlying health problems then in that case I don’t think you should go. Otherwise go and say goodbye to your sister.

[Maydup]

So sorry you're in this position Elfin and sending a bug (((( hug ))))

You really are the only person who can decide how it will make you feel if you dont go, or how well you think you can manage the risk of this virus if you do.

I think its a really good idea to speak to the minister if that is helpful. Take care and stay safe.

[Electrochem]

If the funeral is at a crematorium you may find that they have live streaming, I know it's not the same as being there, but it may be a better alternative. Failing that, someone may be able to make a video or audio recording of it. You may like to write a eulogy for someone to read out or even make a recording of it to be played. Sorry to hear of your loss.

[ubasses]

Could you get there last minute and when everyone has gone in slip into the back of the Creamatorium/Church. Then leave immediately it is over before anyone else starts to move out.
Unless it is packed you would be far enough away to minimise any risk.

[Bobbisox1]

So very sad reading this, I think I’d have to go like others have said, but you will have to stand alone and make sure no one offers hugs in thinking they’re doing the right thing elfin, I wish you well whatever decision you make (((( hugs ))))

[Smowball]

So sorry for your loss, but personally I would go. Even if I sat/stood away from others, I would have to go xx

[Ellipsis]

So sorry for your loss.

Here is what I would do ...

1) Take a look at the number of infections in your area and/or the areas you're travelling through to get to the funeral:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-51768274

This will give you some idea of your chances of contracting Covid-19. Bear in mind that the true numbers are higher, but you'll get an idea of the order of magnitude. London is a particular hotspot that is probably best avoided.

2) Do you have any underlying health conditions?

3) Do you have anybody who depends on you?

4) If as a result of going you were to catch Covid-19 and ultimately die, in that period when you had the disease and before you died, what would you be thinking to yourself?

If you think on the above questions and decide to go ...

* Get there avoiding contact with as many people as possible - ideally drive yourself in your own car
* Avoid contact with as many people as you can at the funeral. Especially the funeral directors and others who come into regular contact with lots of people
* Listen for people with a persistent cough and definitely steer well clear of them.
* Don't go to the wake. Get out of there as soon as possible.

If you decide not to go, gently see if you can get somebody to video part or all of it for you, or at least get you a copy of the Order of Service - a young family member can probably video it on their phone for you. Also send a personal letter to other close family. Agree to have a good party in memory of your sister when all this is over.

[elfin12]

Thank you for all of your kind messages, the LORD works in mysterious ways, as I got a telephone message to say that the funeral would only be for a few of the direct family, my niece (my sisters daughter) suggested that I should stay at home for my own sake, we had a long tearful conversation, and have decided to take her advice, I have a nervous nature, and am on drugs to help me, so she was only thinking of me.
MANY THANKS ABERS XXXXX

[jim360]

Perhaps it's a small mercy that the decision was made for you. Stay safe and stay well.

[anneasquith]

Problem solved, sorry about your sister. Take care .

[Ellipsis]

That's good. Glad you have reached a decision ...

[Canary42]

If you decide not to go (which I think is wise) be assured most (all) of us here on Ab would be totally supportive of your decision (as we desperately hope we will never be faced with such a dilemma).

As an aside, my Mum couldn't go to my Dad's funeral because it was in war-torn Italy during WW2. Much later, in 1985, I took her out there and we visited the grave and it was a very emotional and cathartic moment for us both; although 40 years late we were both in tears.