How Do You Cope ?

[flump1]

Being in the company of people you really don't like ? My step daughter has taken up with the town pig...she is 17 and he is 23, he has a child and has abused that child resulting in hospital treatment for the little one. The pig is going to court about it all. He also has more than one allegation of rape against him...yet the step daughter thinks the sun shines out of him. She is bringing him to our house tomorrow and I really don't want to be here. But I have to be ...so how would you cope ?

[mazie]

Never been in the situation flump.... and I really don't envy you at all.. I wish you good luck with it.

[Baby_Sham]

Oh jeez, that is pretty full-on.
Er... I would get her Father to tell her he's not welcome in your home.

[B00]

I wouldn't, I wouldn't allow him in the house.

[sherrardk]

She 17 and lives under your roof - you don't have to cope. Her father tells her he's not welcome and also lays down his/your feeling about the relationship (is her mother still around, could she back you both up?).

[mazie]

If it was my child....No, he wouldn't be allowed in, I would imagine it's different being a stepmum

[Mamyalynne]

Awful situation, put the ball in her father's court

I presume she does not believe he is a child abuser?

[Purple_Popple]

and how do you know he has abused his own child ?

[flump1]

Mamya , she doesn't believe any ill of him and I am normally the person to make my own mind up about folk and not listen to gossips, however there is so much about this man I can't ignore them. My other half doesn't like confrontation and I am so damn uncomfortable.

[tonyav]

If I were her father the 'Pig' would not be allowed in my house.

[DaisyNonna]

Does she still live with you and her father?
If I were really brave I would tell her he is not welcome.
Why do you have to be there?
Urgent visit to the dentist? Retire to bed with a migraine?
Be there, be polite. Do not start any conversation. Ignore him.
What does her father think?
Will he be there?

[puddle-duck]

It's your home so your rules. Personally I wouldn't let him in but the danger here is the more you go against him the more you push her towards him. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[flump1]

Purple , other folks told me when she took up with him. He is 'wanted' by an awful lot of people oh boy...I am so looking forward to Sunday.

[B00]

At the risk of greatly offending you flump, what father (her dad) wouldn't at least investigate this guy regardless of whether he likes confrontation or not?

[ClaryS]

oh I would be very careful here. Firstly be 100% sure that the gossip is true and not Chinese whispers or gossip taken off FB. Then I would openly ask him for his version of what you have 'found out' before you make any judgements. When I met my now OH I was bad mouthed by my now SIL who told her parents I was a gold-digger with 3 children looking for a meal ticket. None of this was remotely true ( I was a widow trying to juggle looking after 3 young children and keep a full time job down). I was 'banned' from their house it was awful, so please make sure your facts are facts not gossip and get his side of the story. Good Luck.x

[flump1]

Thanks all,
B00, you couldn't offend x
You will be getting a blow by blow account as the day progresses.

[Purple_Popple]

Exactly ClaryS - it may all be unfounded and therefore you have made your minds up already about the guy without knowing the whole story. A lie is half way around the world before the truth has its boots on. Please dont judge him until you know the whole picture.

[TWR]

Your house, you pay the bills etc, if you do not think it's right, simple, no entry.

[sherrardk]

No, please do judge him and then let HIM change your mind. No smoke without fire and she is only 17.

[mazie]

"A lie is half way around the world before the truth has its boots on. "

such a great saying. thank you Popple xxx

[ClaryS]

sherrardk are you advising the OP to judge the guy on unfounded rumours then let him defend himself? I could have defended myself to my in laws and gone round and explained myself but my attitude was 'why should I have to defend myself I've done nothing wrong' -he may take the same attitude and step-daughter may end up leaving home