theres always some one worse off.....

[Slooow_Jo]

Cant believe I'm posting this....but......we found out in june that my step dad who already has MS has throat cancer that nothing could be done for.....he has had a terrible day & it is breaking my heart coz there is nothing we can do! I'm heart broken but there is NOTHING I can do :( please let it show folk that they aren't that bad done by xx

[Ice.Maiden]

Awww....Jo - that's terrible news. I don't think there's much that anyone could say, which'll ease your worry and heartbreak, but while your stepdad's with you, I hope you can all make his time as comfortable as possible. We watched a sister-in-law pass away with cancer (she was only 36), which eventually spread to her whole body. Very fortunately, she was relieved of much of the pain. We all had photos taken together, and on her good days, she wrote a diary for her children to read one day. We all felt immense sadness, and I can only hope that for your stepdad's sake, you remain as cheerful as is humanly possible - x.

[kp nonuts]

Am so sorry for you jo and I do know how you feel I lost my dad through cancer and a girlfriend that I used to have lost her dad as well with cancer when I was with her.
My heart goes out to you love.

[Slooow_Jo]

Ice maiden thanks for your reply xx

it is killing me coz he has kids, yes their all older than me n never bothered their 'arse' to see him but 'its time' my mum n me have got into arguements about it already...I think they should know but my mum says they haven't bothered before so why bother now? My step-dad has been so for 20 years!! him n mum got married in july should I be a bitch n go behind their backs to his kids?

[excelsior]

jo.

please accept my deepest sympathies, you and your family must be going through turmoil.

my father finally succumbed to prostate canver on christmas eve 2005 - and, although we knew it was coming - it was still hard. also it is the worst time of the year for such an event.

you have already accepted that there is nothing that can be done, the thing now is to treasure every remaining moment and know that when the end comes - you were at least prepared for it.

after he has gone, you will look back at all the happy memories of him.

once again - my heart is with you.

be strong for his remaining time.

regards .. E

[Ice.Maiden]

I can't tell you what to do Jo, but if it was me - yes, I'd let them know. I think you need to try and talk to your mum again about it, and give her a valid reason for wanting to say something. You see, it doesn't matter what's happened in the past. The point is, that if your stepdad passes away without seeing the children, or they don't know what's happening, they're going to wonder why they hadn't been told, and it'll probably leave them feeling devastated for the rest of their lives. If you told them, it'd be up to them if they wanted to see their dad, and vice versa. In fact - what's your stepdad think to the idea? It might be best to ask him what HE wants - x.

[Slooow_Jo]

I hope this shows folk to make the most of what they have xx

I'm 32 now n my 'stepdad' has been so since I was 12 n boy has he had to put up with some grief lol we've had some horrible arguments!! but I wouldn't change him xxx

[Slooow_Jo]

Ice-maiden.....his daughter is a similar age to me, n when she got in touch it was for what she could get, when he said he wasn't gonna buy anymore, she stopped contact. But I always said that that was what her mum had said & to hold out....but his 'little girl' aint bothered since :(

He is on his last days :( n I ent his baby but I'll be there for him


(is it wrong that I want to kick her?)

[Ice.Maiden]

This is all part of family life isn't it? It can sometimes be awkward when you're 12 year's old, having to try and accept a step parent, but obviously you have a good deal of feeling for him, which is nice to hear. I don't want to impose on your worry, but although I had a fortunate childhood myself, I was surrounded by loved ones dying before their time - and also one or two good friends, so I know how it must feel for you. I've never taken anything or anyone for granted, and however much of a "pain" my children've sometimes been, I tell them how much I love them every day. Feeling loved & secure is one of the best things families can do for each other.

[China Doll]

I have no comment or interest in the family life.

Just please listen to what consultants say as they may recommend courses of treatment, like radiotherapy which will passify symptons in long run but if he's not much longer left might possibly make him feel more ill. Question everything and make your decision that way.

Cancer is a bar steward. End of. It knows no discrimination... But, look for his comfort, make sure he's loved and be there til the end. It's all he has now and you'll feel better for it, anything you ever had to say that's good, say it. Take care Jo. Thoughts with your family and such.

[Slooow_Jo]

Ice-maiden.......amen to that xx

I was 11 when my mum met my 'stepdad' I was still living with my dad so no-one could compare lol but he stuck around so I excepeted him (soz for all the spelling mistakes) but when I was 15 I got told to 'stay away' coz my stepdads daughter was visiting!!! I lmfao when I heard she was pregnant @ 16 *shock horror* lmfao!!!!!!

[Ice.Maiden]

China Doll's right, except that very often, during the later stages of cancer, there's no point in further gruelling therapy being administered. Your stepdad just needs comfort, kindness and whatever pain relief the consultant suggests. As for your relationship with your step sister, maturity often brings a very different attitude to the one you might've had for each other all through the years. Each family unit is different as well, but it'd be best if you could all be civil towards each other during this unpleasant time, no matter what's gone off before. Ask your stepdad what his wishes are, & try to involve your mum as well.

[Slooow_Jo]

I've read that n just realised what a bitch i am!!!

I hope folk can see I aint a bitch lol

[Ice.Maiden]

Don't pull yourself down Jo - we all say things which might come out the wrong way at times. There are loads of good people on AB, who'll chat about anything, and if it just so happens to be a bad time for you right now - well, we've all had them, so sometimes you've just got to let off steam!

[Slooow_Jo]

to ice maiden n china xx

thanks for being there xx
I'm so soddinig drunk lol

who is gonna look after me?

[Ice.Maiden]

I don't think you need looking after, Jo. I think you're developing a natural wisdom and self-preservation already. Night hun xx.

[figure]

Jo, I'm sorry to hear about you step-dad. I pray that you and your Mum and the rest of the family have strength and courage to get through this very difficult time. xx

[Ice.Maiden]

Yes. There's never a happy ending to these things, but we can just reflect a bit - and hope that you'll all recover from this sad situation. x

[Slooow_Jo]

Thanks figure xx n everyone else who wished me well xx

[Drisgirl]

Aw Jo hun -you should have phoned.Give me a call anytime today -i'll let you phone just in case youre busy.
What a sad sad time for you and your family -i'm always here (well not on AB) but here for ya -just like you were for me ya wee darling xxxxx