@andy-hughes
//An approach of "I didn't mean to upset you, and may have done so unwittingly, but if I did, then I am sorry ..." //
I have seen even this castigated, for being a *conditional* apology
IF...THEN...ELSE
minus the ELSE, of course.
Preferred is "I see that I upset you and, for that, I am sorry".
i) Acknowledge that a transgression occurred
ii) Apologise for it, if so inclined.
The Japanese erected a statue to the laboratory rat, by way of an apology for years of vivisection (biochemistry is mostly about fresh rat liver put through a blender).
Unfortunate chronology of the statue, relative to apologies for war crimes, comfort women, etc.