I Love My Wife Dearly

[hc4361]

and I'm not a violent man, but when she sits in front of the tv absent mindedly picking at her toe nails and feet I could cheerfully wop her to death with a bicycle chain.

It's like fingernails on a blackboard to me. Help!

[wolf63]

But are you man enough to tell her this?

[sherrardk]

Since himself was poorly, he has re-started biting his nails while driving. It drives me bonkers but I have told him (it is part of my monitoring of his behaviour since his brain operation, not just because if he doesn't stop I will wallop him one - took me years of nagging to get him to stop in the first place, I don't have that sort of patience anymore).

[Hopkirk]

Eat a tin of beanz.

Threaten her that every time she picks at her toe nails you will break wind.

[Jeza]

My O/H bites his fingernails. I wish he would bite his toenails as I'm sick of getting scratched in bed. Circa 1990.

[jno]

dump her! There is only so much a gentleman can stand.

[askyourgran]

I'm not quite so madly in love hc, I've seen most of mrasks faults and foibles over 50 years now, what does rile me is that he'll sit watching TV and then ask if we are having a drink of tea or a sandwich. He knows where the kettle is etc, but he will not get up and make one himself, I have to do it. Is there is cure?

[pusskin]

Annoying annit hc. lol
I sit every night watching tele and Mr Puss goes in and out of the kitchen searching for more choccie, anything he gets his hands on.
Drives me nuts, as all i hear is munch munch munch.
When he knows I've been watching him, he tries to eat without a sound , haha.

[pixie373]

Yes. Ayg. Tell him- thanks, I'd like one too...and stay where you are.

[Jeza]

No Gran no cure. Mic is ill now but in our 34 years of marriage I can count on one hand the cups of tea he has made.

[dizmouk2009]

What I would do now to see my wife picking her toenails...

[askyourgran]

I'm glad its not just me. It drives me mad.

[Buenchico]

It's a woman's cunning logic, Hc4361.

You see her picking at her toe nails and, in the hope that it will make her stop, you offer to pay for a pedicure.

She accepts but say that she wouldn't feel right with lovely toe nails but terrible finger nails. So you offer to pay for a manicure.

She's exceptionally grateful but points out that it would be silly just to have nice nails without giving special treatment to her face and body. So you agree to a facial and massage (plus quite a few extras thrown in).

She emerges from the beauty parlour looking gorgeous but bemoaning the fact that she hasn't got any new clothes to show off her new look in, so you buy her an entire new wardrobe.

Then she says that it would be wonderful to wear those clothes in a location where they'd look their best, so you book a month in the Bahamas, where she meets an oil tycoon and walks out on you.

[hc4361]

Sadly not, askyourgran. I have told my wife, in a kindly fashion, more than once about her toenail picking driving me to distraction. I have told her quite severely once or twice. It does no good, she is not aware she does it.

Sadly she can beat me at farting, but she is quite musical :D

In retaliation, she tells me I pick my nose and drum my fingers out of sync when listening to music. I know these things aren't true. My nose hasn't seen my finger since I was a spotty 13 year old and I have perfect rhythm.

Deep breaths, count to ten. Grind teeth (in a considerate, silent manner) then I march off and put the kettle on. I deserve a medal. Or sainthood.

[dizmouk2009]

Buenchico: I thought I had problems. You clearly have a dark and unfortuanate past.

[hc4361]

I think you are mistaking my wife for a WAG, buenchico. Lovely as she is, she's more your .......errrr......errrr.....comfy, natural type.

Phew.

[pixie373]

buenchico. Will you marry me? :-)

[pusskin]

We can moan about them , but we'd be lost without them.
i think I'm a bit jealous as he's got ALL his teeth lol

[hc4361]

dizmouk, I am sure if the time comes that will be thing I miss most. You can be sure I treasure every minute with her but that doesn't stop her driving me to distraction at times. It's part of married life

[hc4361]

puss, she's jealous my hair is as thick and lush as it ever was. Even on my head.

[hc4361]

And don't get me started on crisps, puss. Chocolate is fairly silent but I don't know how MrsHC makes a crisp packet rustle so very loudly and for so long. Deafening, it is, and usually at a crucial part of the tv programme.