help...

[Silversky]

After getting over depression sometime early this year, I've begun to feel the same way I did then.
Although alot of things of changed. It seems only one thing has stayed the same....
My parents drinking. Both my parents are alcoholics, and ever since I was little I've tried to stop them. And every week they promise that they will.
It's a nightmare, my mums got some form of depression from her work, and she drinks to kill that. And either she's being really lovey dovey because of it, or she's playing all these 'guilt trip' games with me. And it really really hurts me, even though she doesnt realise.
She calls me names all the time, and tells me I'm ungrateful and I do everything wrong.... Even though I never actually do anything wrong.

Then my dad, it normally doesn't affect him that badly, although he can get very angry and moody. And shouts and has a go and is general aggressive... Although has never physically hurt anyone...
I used to have counselling at my school to help me get through it. Recently I left and now I feel like I don't have the support I want.
Because we live in a remote area, I have no way of getting out of the house generally to get a break.
My only outlet I have is calling my boyfriend at all hours of the day, which isn't a good thing, I don't like to be a burden to him as I know he has a lot of problems himself.
Thanks for listening.

[Silversky]

Sorry it sounds wrong... when I said 'I don't do anything wrong' Its as in- I don't drink, smoke, take drugs, stay out late, never had a detention, never skipped school, things like that.

[wigglebum]

OK right listen - Take care of number 1!!

I know you may love your parents very much but you can not change them, just yourself.

Sort yourself out first if they're the ones dragging you back down then you need to take a step back from them.

I'm assuming you may still live with them so perhaps you could stay with friends for a while?

Please take care of yourself first hun xx

[pussnboots]

Hello Silversky, you sound like a really level headed girl, you say that you have just left school, what are your plans for your future? Your parents sound like they are not listening to you about their drinking, so unless they accept themselves that they have a problem then theres not a lot you can do. You need to look to your own future, perhaps go to college and study something that will lead to a good job. All this will take time of course it will not happen overnight, but if you can set yourself a goal and work towards that then perhaps in 2 or 3 years time you will be able to be independent.

[Silversky]

Thanks for your kind answers...
Wiggle - Right at the moment it's really difficult to change my situation as I am in the middle of my GCSE examinations. Which is probably a really good time to feel this way =|
And also Im really scared of moving away. I don't want to admit it bothers me as much as it does, and I dont want to hurt them

Puss- I have already made strong plans to go to sixth form and as long as I get the grades I will get my placement. I then want to go to university and study Law with politics or something in corporate law.

[wigglebum]

Bless ya heart Silver

You do have my sympathies its very difficult situation you are in. Just please concentrate on yourself and your studies. You have to be strong yourself before you can help anyone.

Please take care and I wish you all the luck for the future xx

[Mammar]

Silver - you are between a rock and a hard place at the moment as I can see you have to stick it out at home.
But there is something you can do to help the situation - plan for the future.
1. Concentrate on getting good GCSE grades
2. Focus on that career - what a sensible girl you are to have your heart set on such a great goal.
3. When it gets tough, come on here and ask for us. We'll always be there to get you through.
You've timed it just right as my youngest is finishing Uni so I shall have no-one to motivate any longer and I'm happy to be there for you if you need me.
Please tell us your GCSE results when you get them so we can all cheer!!!!
In the meantime have a hug ( ) from me x x x

[pussnboots]

Very best of luck for your future, thing may seem bad for you at the moment but as long as you keep sight of your goals you will come out the other side, time passes really quickly. My daughter has just finished her 2nd year doing a law degree at Edgehill Uni in Ormskirk, they have a really good law department.

[sense4all]

See if there is anything useful to you on here...

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/alateen.html

[raysparx1]

Hi Silver, sorry to hear how things are going, but you have had some good advice here, concentrate on YOU, you can't change how your parents are, you are more mature than both of them, and don't let them put you on a guilt trip, people that are in the wrong try and twist it round to make you feel wrong, don't let them, you will get there, you know what you want to do with your life, so gpo out there and do it, good luck silver. Ray

[bubbles4920]

hang in there and as already mentioned, put yourself at the top of the list. alcoholism is an illness that will never go away. those who no longer drink know that that urge is still so close and i applaud anyone who doesnt give in to it. get good grades, move away to uni, that would be a whole new start and stay focused on what you want. take care and try to rise above the name calling etc, that stems from the alcohol and being out of control.

[sense4all]

Might be some more useful info on these links ...

http://www.depressionalliance.org/

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformati on/mentalhealthproblems/alcoholanddrugs/alcoho ldepression.aspx

A girl I know really well used to always say that she thought that her Mum would one day snap out of it ... her drinking ( I mean serious, everybody in the town knew! ) I asked her what she would recommend to you and she concurs pretty much with the info you have already been given. She was twenty five before she left ( after a bad episode of Mum binge drinking , missing for almost a week ) she wished she had done it as soon as she could, because it was only by stepping out of the day to day drudgery of the disease, that she was able to salvage a better relationship with her parents. Hang in there use B and S -if it saves your sanity- for now. If there are no siblings to take into consideration make the natural break at uni. time ,if you can, to normalise leaving home. Lots of love and stuff Sense. X.

[Silversky]

Thanks for all your very kind words... It all really hard to take in. I feel really silly that right now I can't cope, since I've dealt with it for years. I was thinking earlier of trying a little shock treatment for my parents. As my boyfriend lives down in london, I was thinking about going down to stay with him for a good while during the summer. (Since I have about 12 weeks off) And not telling them, but leaving a note trying to explain the way I feel and that for them to 'imagine if it was them that had gone' (as in died) rather than me to have left them for a while.
If you understand that.
And it's really hard for me to look after number one, if you know me from other bulletins. I've had depression before because of a chain of events like this, and came minutes away from commiting suicide.
I just want to make them understand. If that's not childish or naive to say.
But because I'm an only child and we live away from others, its difficult for me to escape away from the troubles at home.
I will make sure I re-read again and again through your comments and try and put it into perspective of what I can do.
Thanks once again.

[bensmum]

The problem with living with an alcoholic is that they make you feel as if you are responsible for their problems even if they don't say anything. They can be the most manipulative of people but doing too much for them just enables them to keep drinking and not take responsibility for their actions. Your parents are the adults and you must now put yourself first. Once your exams are over contact al-anon who can put you in touch with a group of young people in your situation. You might also try Social Services to see if there is any help they can give you in becoming independent or Citizens Advice Bureau can advise.
You deserve better and I wish you luck
XX

[fran2]

Silver, Is there anyone you can talk to? Any relatives or a kindly neighbour or even one of your teachers? You say you have a boyfriend with issue's of his own. As your boyfriend has troubles of his own maybe you could both help each other. I just want to add, if you were given an SSRI for your depression did you know they can have a rebound effect up to 2 years after you've stopped taking them? This could be another cause for your recurring depression. I co moderate for an SSRI support group. If you want you can mail me at [email protected]

[Silversky]

Thanks for your answers again...
And No, I did not take anything for my depression. The doctors and my parents advised againt it.
And my boyfriend and I got together during my last series of depression, and he supported me enough to get me out of it that time... so Im hoping that he'll be able to do it again.