Technology1 min ago
If your brother has done something
28 Answers
really terrible to you in the past, is it wrong to forgive and forget and still love him?
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For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.Only a counsellor when I started college. Couldn't tell her she just guessed. I don't know if I need to talk, it was about 11 years ago I was 10 he was 12 so guess I've kinda buried it although not altogether I guess as wouldn't have put it on here else. Think its too late to talk though, could never tell my family and they are the only ones worth knowing, I'd hate what they might do to my brother
Forgive if you can. To be abused by a family member is a terrible event - family should protect and love, not abuse. The only thing that can be said in mitigation is he was young, but you were even younger. Forgiveness will mean you will be able to move on - but unless you ever get alzheimers you will never forget.
It isn't wrong, karmgirl, in fact I think it is a really strong attitude to have....if that really is how you feel, rather than you telling yourself that is how you feel, in order to bury any unpleasant or upsetting feelings, as that would be just as unhealthy as having the upsetting feelings in the first place. I've made that sound really complicated, haven't I?!
Anyway I speak from experience I've been where you've been but still haven't dealt with my feelings about what happened. I can't ever forget which makes it hard, but it sounds to me like you are a stronger person than me.
Anyway I speak from experience I've been where you've been but still haven't dealt with my feelings about what happened. I can't ever forget which makes it hard, but it sounds to me like you are a stronger person than me.
Well, I think and hope it was a case of him being young and not knowing fully what he was doing, also I think he was being influenced by other lads his age on the school bus telling him they'd done things that he hadn't - I think. So that's what I tell myself that he was just young and stupid. I can never be sure if thats true or not and sometimes I think what if it wasn't just him being young what if he will offend again and I think that what if one day I have children and I can't trust them to be on their own with him. I don't know if I could leave my children with him on their own. Just in case.
Bobble - I'm sorry you've been in this situation - was it a family member?
Bobble - I'm sorry you've been in this situation - was it a family member?
What a dreadful situation to be in! I'm afraid that unless you find a way to address your feelings, this is going to stay with you forever. (I wonder if your brother is going through traumas too??) The trouble is finding the right counsellor to talk to. Some are useless, others are fantastic. Feeling you couldn't trust your brother to be alone with future children is perfectly understandable. I'm sure you can make sure that doesn't happen without making it look too obvious. Your brother probably thinks you've forgotten all about it! (Being a boy, he won't understand your sense of defilement and he probably won't understand your sense of being let down by an older sibling either.)
Airing your worries here was a good first step. I would urge you to go further now and seek professional help. Good luck.
Airing your worries here was a good first step. I would urge you to go further now and seek professional help. Good luck.
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