Treating Your Adult Children.

[hannah40]

Now I’m in Spain in an apartment visiting our Daughter who is working in Spain for the year.
Since being here we have paid for everything. She could have stayed in her house that she shares but chose to stay in the apartment with us. We have provided her with all her meals drinks snacks ,excursions,just like you do for your children.
She is in Spain working surely there comes a time when she could pay for something. I even paid for the Uber to take her see her friends.
Do you all pay for your adult children continually?or is there a cut off point.
She didn’t seem too keen on take away pizza today so I said well go buy yourself something then and leave your dad and me to do what we want to do the way she looked at me was like how dare I think she was going to buy something herself alone ,well I said you live here we don’t. I’m sure you know how it all works.

[MissTerious2]

I remember feeling so proud when whe I handed my Mum £2.00 out of my first proper paypacket at age 18. My first paypacket was £7.00!! When at college I worked weekends and holidays waitressing to buy clothes and go out gallivanting! I didn't get money from my parents. Then later went to France aupairing and at 20 went to Spain waitressing.

[Barsel]

Lottie, I was shocked to see your wage packet was £7 a week but then I noticed you were 18 and I don't know what year that was.
I started work full time at 16yrs old in 1962 as a trained comptometer operator and my wage was £3.15 a week.
With my first wage packet, I bought my Mum a beautiful necklace and earring set (I still have it) but she probably thought I was going to buy her something every week so she asked me to hand over my wages, but she wouldn't have been better off as she paid for my bus fares, lunches etc.

[MissTerious2]

1965 Barsel after 2years at college doing a usiness studies qualification, which gave me a reasonable wage

[Barsel]

We must be a similar age then Lottie, but it sounds like you had a better job than me.
Training to be a comp operator only took 6 months at college.

[barry1010]

From my first week at work I gave my mother a third of my take home pay until I moved out.
Did the same with my children but I was in a better position than my parents and put the money aside for them without them knowing.

[pastafreak]

I worked in a bakery summers and weekends while going to art school. I don't remember the pay...possibly $15 per weekend...plus free pastries. First proper full time job was $80 pw. $20 went to mum.

[MissTerious2]

Barry. Actually my salary was used to send my son to a school where his talents would be recognised and where he really wanted to go. So I wasn't a mean Mum. He benefited so much.

[calmck]

So she is working in a holiday resort as a travel rep. I live outside of Albufeira and have encountered many travel reps. The winter can be miserable for them. It can be cold and wet. They have deadlines to meet to get the visitors to sign up for tours, planes can be late, cancelled etc. she is probably finding the experience not what she expected, long hours, grumpy clients etc. She was possibly imagining a life of parties and going out with people of her age. A reps life can be hard work and not as she expected it to be. Maybe pizza is all she is eating. Maybe she is miserable and hates what she is doing but can't tell you. All sorts of possible problems she is facing comes to mind. Talk with her

[calmck]

I think you might find that she has realised that working for TUI is not living the dream

[barry1010]

MissTerious, I never suggested you were a mean mum

[barry1010]

Hannah, I know too many 18 year olds (and older) that don't seem to have the energy or desire to do anything remotely exciting or adventurous and are content to be pampered at home by their doting parents, kept in a suspended childhood.
You should be proud of your daughter and pleased that she wants to spend time with you

[barry1010]

I bet she's not earning much more than £500 a month.

[MissTerious2]

Barry, I know - it wasn't aimed at you. I just thought I'd portrayed myself as being mean. You and I in different ways were ensuring our kids had a good future.

[barry1010]

Ah! Gotcha

[jno]

as Prudie says: 18 and working for TUI won't make her rich. You can cut children off when they can afford to pay their way, but I'd be surprised if she's well off or saving much. I'm still funnelling occasional money to 40yo jno jnr and his family

[MissTerious2]

I never cut my son off. I just wanted him to have an awareness about finances. In uni holidays he was making a fair amount of dosh. Also gave him a good insight on what hard labour is all about! ;0)

[jourdain2]

Just as a late addition. When I got my 1st Saturday job at 15/6d p. day, I came home and my Mum said that now I was working, I should contribute to my keep. So I had to give her 2/6d. A salutary lesson.

When mine were 16 (still at school) I gave them my Family Allowance, but stipulated that they bought their own clothes, presents, bus fares etc., etc..

[joko]

She's 18!
The way you were talking i thought she was about 30!
She still a teenager, of course shes going to still be a little emotionally dependent on you.

[fitdarren]

^ Totally agree. I too assumed she was much older.

[hannah40]

Well we are home now . She doesn’t earn much as a TUI rep and yes she does have targets to meet.
I guess it’s what us parents do treat our kids I won’t see her until late summer now.