So Sorry To Bother You All But.....

[Smowball]

I need some impartial advice. I'm getting opinions,left right and centre and I can't think logically . To cut a really long story short I ended up spending most of last night on the phone and is endless txt messages to my one son who Is always in trouble and tbh needs counselling in my opinion. He has been in prison, can be very violent and has such extreme mood swings that he scares me. He has a 4 yr old daughter who lives with mum and he speaks to daily on phone and sees every week. He is in and out of work and it's all a nightmare. Mr smow is away on business at the mo. Son ends up ringing me last night as he was having a bad day and he basically pleaded to come bk and live with me temporarily . We are three hours apart. He has tried living with me twice as an adult and both times ended badly. If I say yes then hubby will go absolutely mental. But I've got my child on the phone literally crying his eyes out as yet again he has got his life into a right state. Yet it's like Groundhog Day . I've been here and done this. I've offered advice and help to him all Eve and yet all he keeps saying is he wants to come home. He is 22.

[KARL]

One thought: If I correctly recall, one of the pieces of advice which are put forward at the start of discussions on the subject is that drug taking quickly shows up as "out of character" behaviour, sharp mood swings and general unpredictability. Have you considered the possibility that drugs may be involved ? I agree with pretty much everything offered on here up to now and not least the two points that you should not take your son in without your husband's presence and agreement, and that your son must take steps to get help. Unfortunately, there have been too many cases of the system being very slow to react and even turning those in need away.

I think you can sense that all responding to your post want to be of some help and most/all (certainly those with children of their own) probably have a gut wrenching sense of "but for the grace...".

[chanel5]

I agree with the sentiments expressed by andy hughes and others. Your son wants to come home and be mothered by you but he is a grown man and this cannot happen especially as he has given you reason to be scared of him. I hope that your son can find the support that he clearly needs, and that you can find peace of mind, because it cannot be easy to see your child (and he will always be your child) suffering, yet be unable to help.

[Smowball]

You're all absolutely right. I've been told that he smokes a lot of weed and as I e never touched a drug in my life I can't say what impact this is having on him on to of everything else

[ummmm]

Weed is known to make some users paranoid.

[Smowball]

Oh god he's definitely paranoid!! He was walking up the road and there was a group of lads in front of him. One of them happened to turn around and he was convinced they were all laughing at him so he went and confronted the lot on his own and all hell broke loose

[ummmm]

Oh dear. Maybe that's the first issue that needs to be tackled. I know some people claim that weed is harmless but it's not.

Weed is getting stronger and more harmful, imo.

[DTCwordfan]

the doctor needs to know about that. In your shoes, I would advise him to get to him/her, also whether you could have a chat with him. Perhaps failing that, you chat to your doctor and he/she then talks to his.....your stress and all that.

And I am sure that you know that you need to talk to mr smow and 'counsel' with him to any action on your part (both of you). I too would be concerned re the knife in the past.

[NoMercy]

Has he ever been tested for hormone imbalance?

[Smowball]

Update in last five mins - His on/off girlfriend and mother of his 6 month old son(yes he got another woman pregnant!) has messaged me to say he's smashed up her flat, grabbed her own 5yr old son round the neck and thrown all his toys out of the bedroom window a few days ago. Feeling rather ashamed of him now.

[Mamyalynne]

Very late to reply here and all good advice has been given - just to say that I think the hardest thing a parent even has to say to a child is 'Sort yourself out, I can do no more'.x

My heart goes out to you, but don't feel shame on his behalf.

[Smowball]

I feel sometimes Mamya that my life is like Eastenders. If I was an outsider reading some of my posts I would be thinking "really?? Surely nobody has that much drama" . But I just feel better sharing things with all of you whether I should or not as you all have such wise words and suggestions xx and it does help. A problem shared.....

[anneasquith]

Did his. Girlfriend telephone the police. ? If not, why not. I'm sorry slow your son appears quite dangerous ATM. Nomercy what type of hormone imballance could produce this behaviour ?

[Mamyalynne]

Trust me other people do indeed have dramas and lots of them , you are open about yours - as I say the hardest thing to do is say Son, get your act together.

The feeling that you may have failed is an inevitable part of being a Mum.

[Smowball]

No he hasn't NOM x

[NoMercy]

Any type of severe hormones imbalance, Ann.

[maninattic]

Sounds like tough love is needed. Tell him he has left home more than once and he needs to stand on his own two feet.
Don't put your own life/marriage at risk for your son. sounds like the story of the beaten /girlfriend who believes him when he says "this time I promise to behave" but never does then he beats her again. stop answering the phone.

[Smowball]

If I'm being honest I'm worried he will do something silly if I ignore him

[NoMercy]

Smow, do you think you could get him to the GP for some preliminary blood tests?

[jno]

if he's attacking a five-year-old, his girlfriend ought to be calling the police, as anneasquith says.

He seems to be seriously running off the rails, and he needs to be helped quickly.

[ummmm]

Do you know what his circle of friends are like?

How does he get on with your daughter?