interfering ex

[bubblegum-31]

i am going crazy at the moment i dont know what to do for the best, im trying to keep everyone happy at the same time and its really getting to me now.
i am so happily married with four lovely kids 2 of which are to my ex and although he is married now he just cant seem to stop ringing and interfering. i let him see the kids whenever he wants and the kids enjoy seeing him. now xmas is upon us and im dreading it, he makes a point of coming to my house on xmas morning which makes my hubby feel very uncomfortable and he usually brings half of his family with him. ive never complained about it before but now im dreading it happening again. if i say anything to him then i just get a mouthful and its not like he doesnt see the kids at xmas as he has now decided against my wishes that any toys he buys are to be kept at his house as santa goes there also and the kids have another xmas at his on boxing day which i think is just ruining them as they r getting far too much. its like a competition with him all the time and im fed up with it he just cant seem to see me doing anything with my kids without trying to outdo me its really doing my head in its pathetic, but anyway do u think its right of him to think he can just come to my home on xmas morning which makes my hubby dread it happening and bring half of his family with him? your advice will be so much appreciated..........thankyou

[sophieb]

Hi there! I think you should just tell him(over the phone if he is likely to go mental)that you and your husband have decided that the 6 of you would like Christmas day alone and that he can have his 'other' Christmas on Boxing day when you drop them off! Why does he need to see them open their presents at your house when he can do it with them himself the next day? My children, who live with me, go to their dad every weekend and we 'share' them in the holidays but at Christmas they spend the day with me and my mum and dad visit in the evening. We share the cost of Christmas so they know that the presents they get are from us both.He picks them up on Boxing Day and they go with him to his mum's to meet up and swap presents with his family.I told him when we separated 8 yrs ago that this is how it was going to be as they were only 3 and 9mths old at the time. Try 'persuading' him that since he gets them all to himself on Boxing Day that you and your husband would like the same courtesy on Christmas Day.

[divegirl]

Hi, do what I do! As my ex insists on seeing the kids [with his family] on Christmas day...even though he has them on Boxing day, I make/let him pick the kids up for 2 hours in the morning. Once the kids have trashed my house I'm grateful [although he doesn't know it ;O] ] for the break....it gives me time to sort the house out and get the dinner on! Just tell him that you don't have a problem with him seeing the kids......it's just that it's too crowded in your house and you are too busy to entertain him and his family....be polite smile sweetly...offer to drop the kids to him....just let him think he's getting his own way. Ex's are simple creatures and should be treated as such!!!

[divegirl]

P.S...... As for the present thing.... there isn't much you can do about this. Don't let him stress you out about it.... It's one day of the year and as long as they live in YOUR balanced environment for the rest of the year it's not a problem unless you let it become one.

Merry Christmas.

Lisa xxx

[Pea Pod]

Turn the tables, tell him your all coming to his house. See how his wife likes it.

[divegirl]

I like your style Pea Pod!!!

[Joannas]

it certainly isnt right for him to do this to you and your hubby now. I know my partner would not like it at all. And to bring his family with him as well is a flipping cheek!!

I would tell him straight. Hes probably only coming round cos as you said its a competition, when my kids were younger my ex used to do that too but as they get older they get to realise whats going on!

Keep xmas day for you and your lovely family!!!
Good luck

[WendyS]

Take a deep breath bubble gum and decide that this Christmas things are going to be different. It's about time your husband stopped moaning and hiding behind your skirts and the pair of you decided that things are going to run on Christmas Day in YOUR house the way YOU want them to. What is your husband? A little mouse who's frightened of his own shadow in his own house?

Tell you ex that he needs to respect the privacy of your marriage and that he can do what he likes with his children on Boxing Day, but that Christmas Day is going to be for your side of the family. Tell your kids early on that this is the way it's going to be so that they can get used to the idea.

[Le Chat]

Say your piece bubblegum and say it with conviction. Tell him what exactly is NOT going to happen on xmas am. Yes, he may get verbally abusive but his ears will still be open and hearing!! Good luck, He sounds like a pain in the butt!

[black bunny]

How about a bit of a compromise - tell him yes, he can come round for 1 hour Christmas morning but him alone and no other family, give him mince pies and a sherry and let him and the kids stay in the living room opening pressies, while you and your hubby chill out with your sherries in the kitchen or bedroom whatever.
It would only be one hour out of the day and he gets some of his own way, but you get more of your own way.

[xkittix]

you should just try to explain that he can not just bring half his family round to your and your huby house at xmas and that if he wants to come round thats up to you not him.